How I Made Money on Medium
A treatise on the depths of fantasy
It wasn’t that hard. The secret is, you need an angle that someone else hasn’t yet taken. I thought and thought and thought, and then I got it!
Just promise everything!
And deliver nothing.
Sounds easy, but let me tell you… I soon realized how that angle had been tried before: “As seen on TV,” but who the hell has a TV? I have a Netflix Reception Device. You probably do, too. I admit, though, occasionally, I do scan over-the-air broadcast TV, but the only things I watch are Meet The Press on Sunday mornings, and a 1950s episode of Superman I saw, when they were having a football game, rather than MTP. (That’s actually true.)
But that leads me again to How to Make Money on Medium! I actually do! (Around $3.00 a month) Oh no! I’ve reminded myself of another true story: I once tried to sell cars. Just let me say, I was in love with the cars, rather than dishonesty, so I didn’t last long. But… in our training class, the absolutely corrupt and dishonest fellow who taught it, who went from town to town “training” prospective Automobile Salespeople, introduced me to a mythical sales genius he claimed to have known, Roland Nadeau: My best memory from that whole oddball experience.
So that leads me back to the thing so many people want to know: How to Make Money on Medium?
As our new President (and watch out, Joe. I love you, but Saturday Night Live is waiting) says, “Here’s the deal!” — Just like old Roland, promise the Moon, and then make off with June…
Who the fuck is June?
June is a month, man! Do you have a one track mind?
Oh, I’m realizing, I might.
Because, as you know, the best way to make anything more than $3.00 a month on Medium is sex. I feel sorry for the endless cavalcade of people publishing “10 Ways To Be So Successful That Your Ex Comes Back & Forgives You For Fucking Her Best Friend.” Right. Roland is there to help.
So you see what I’ve done? I’ve given you not one bit of helpful advice!
Because there really isn’t any (outside of descriptive erotic literature,) but I’ve inspired you!
How?
The world really is as absurd as this silly piece. Our thoughts that it all makes sense are as vapid as (yes, I have to mention him, hopefully, for the very last time) Donald John Trump, the ultimate used car salesman. Dear God, I just wish he would show up at Biden’s Inauguration wearing a plaid checked sport coat. It would be the first honest thing he’s ever done.
So, as Bob Dylan once said, “The moral of this story, the moral of this song” is simply to not believe in idiot things which are wrong. The best way to really get rich is to invent things that people really can use, like light bulbs, graphical interface computers, smartphones, online shopping, or…
Convince other people you know something you don’t, but that only works for awhile, and, then, it all falls apart,
Thankfully.
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A note on the story’s photo: The Plaza Hotel in Las Vegas, New Mexico (yes, the other Las Vegas) is more famous than you would guess. (You weren’t thinking it was famous at all!)
This is where Chigurh catches up to Llewelyn in the Coen Brothers’ great film, No Country for Old Men. I’ve stayed there, and actually went into Room 213.
Also, if you’re a Netflix aficionado (Are there still people who are not?) — Just around the corner to the left, as the road circles the actual Plaza, is where the Sheriff’s Office in Longmire actually exists.
I still don’t know how to make a fortune on Medium, but I’ve got interesting stories to tell. Thanks for reading!
PS — The Bob Dylan lyric referenced is from The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest.
