My Brain on Xi Jinping
A Zoom Balloon Tune
I dreamt I was Ji Xinping last night.
“Come on, John! You’ve spelled it wrong again!” my addled brain alerted me.
“Well, how do you spell it, smartass?”
“D-o-n-a-l-d T-r-u-m-p”
“You’re kidding me.”
“No, John, he’s really Donald Trump with a rubber mask on.”
“How do you know this? You’re just my own weirdshit brain, and you’re not even on drugs now. WTF do you know that I don’t?”
“Everything, John.”
“Last night’s date?”
“Especially. She was really hot.”
“So where were you when the dinner got cold, and I needed some really spiffy thing to say to her?”
“I was reading Xi Jinping Thought!”
“Why?”
“I forgot to pay my Netflix bill.”
“You could have asked me. I would have helped you out.”
“You just wanted me to help you with that date.”
“Well, that is true.”
“You really blew it with her, you know.”
“Because you were telling me to say shit from goddamned Xi Jinping Thought! I had no idea.”
“It was funny when you looked into her eyes and said,
‘The consolidation and development of the socialist system will require its own long period of history… it will require the tireless struggle of generations, up to ten generations.’”
“I thought it was a little odd, too, but I didn’t question you, you know. I trusted you … and look where it’s gotten me!”
My brain laughed out loud for 10 minutes at the sheer stupidity of the rest of me.
“Are you going to have a 2nd date?” that evil gray spongy thing that I thought was me wanted to know.
“I think so, actually. She told me she had won a weekend for two at Mar-a-Lago and invited me to come along.”
“Wow, John. You should have been on drugs. It would have helped you not to laugh.”
“Well, I didn’t laugh, moron. I said I’d be honored to meet Tucker Carlson.”
“He’s there, too?”
“He’s always there.”
“Visiting Melania?”
“Somebody has to.”
“What about you, John?”
“I already have a date.”
~**~
And, as Walter Cronkite, in a version of pre-history that almost seems unbelievable now, used to say, “That’s the way it is.”
What way have you invented for yourself these days? Are you an Influencer or just a schmuck? Do your armpits need attention?
Have you paid your Netflix bill?
~**~
And, per my observation that the Chinese leader is really just Donald Trump in disguise, well, think about it:
♋︎ Friends with Putin
♋︎ Nearly impossible to understand
♋︎ Super old
♋︎ Love of violence
♋︎ Not really elected
♋︎ Chinese bank accounts
But, don’t worry, I’m off to Mar-a-Lago for a weekend of cheeseburgers. Some things in this world could use improvement, but even Lauren Boebert couldn’t yell her way out of the kitchen there.
_______________________
© “John” Lesly Levin 2023
