Member-only story
Patriotic Potatoes Speak
Defending Democracy, from the Underground to the Stars
Well, today I heard that even the potatoes have volunteered to defend the Constitution. I asked my favorite russet (Let’s call him Oliver) “What’s up?”
“”Nothing’s up, John. It’s just another day underground for us spuds.”
“But Ollie, the word on the street is that you guys are taking things into your own hands.” I wasn’t going to let him weasel out. Something was up in the underground world, and I was going to find out. “What about your girlfriend, dude?”
“You mean Katy? She’s just another potato.”
I knew he was lying to me. Ever since he got this flashy new girlfriend, he just hasn’t been the same potato. So I pressed him a bit. “Ollie, but you told me she took you straight into outer space.”
“John! John! John! I’m a potato, dude! I’m forced to live underground, well, except if I sign a french fry contract,” he let me know.
“Did you, Ollie? Did you agree to be cut into slivers just so you could get above the Karman Line?”
“OK, you got me, John. Katy said I could go along, but only in an air fryer.”
“You agreed?”
