The Night Gautam Buddha Joined Medium
His true story can now be told
It had to be night.
‘Ol Gautam was really quite tight.
Besides,
his wife had just taken flight,
sped off in the deepest wind night.
The palace guards
had all lost their sight,
playing cards,
throwing darts…
What a job!
She hid from the Uber Head Guard,
a guy named Sid,
as smart as a fart,
as slow as a glow.
His wife was named Shmoe,
who yelled at him, “Go!”
So off he went,
with no time to vent,
to throw darts with the guys,
While Gautam the B’s wife disappeared
in disguise!
**********
If you’re not familiar with Gautam B,
his story, you see,
goes like this:
He didn’t like being rich,
so he gave it the ditch,
to wander and beg,
in search of Great Truth,
leaving his wife and palace
with just his clothes and Alice.
WHAT!!??
Who the hell is Alice?
I’ve never met her in a sutra!
And what about B’s wife?
It’s obvious he had forsaken the babes,
wanting to stop time,
And be Enlightened and such.
That’s why she took off,
not waiting for that Big-Stomached Guy to return.
She did it! Gave him the spurn!
But Alice had bigger tits,
just like a Tibetan thangka.
His wife, whose name was Florinda Maria,
had had enough!
So she went South, and he went North,
with Alice showing him the Way
to Tibet and mountain wet hay.
She gave him the rules so then he could say, “We’ll fuck all the day,
but at night, when the guards have that lazy bad sight,
Florinda can go.
She ain’t no dumb Joe…
I’ll take the credit
for Enlightenment and such,
but if I know Florinda Maria,
she’ll find it first.
I’ll take the tits,
but she has the wits.”
******************
Men take the credit for austerity and Enlightenment,
but women know how
to have sex with the entire mind-fucking Universe
a whole lot easier,
stopping time
on the smallest of dimes,
eating green limes
and vividly smiling,
while men just get lost
searching for spiritual Tibet,
thinking mountains are tits
And losing their wits.
*******************
Buddha’s still up there
in a back room in Lhasa,
dealing cards, watching Netflix with Alice
in the Dalai Lama’s Palace.
Her nipple sharp tits grew with long spirit-filled time,
so blindingly sublime.
She hides him from the Chinese,
communist atheists!, who still think they run things,
But, actually,
Florinda Maria and Alice
Have the Keys to the Palace.
*************************
So that’s why I wrote this,
but, dear god,
don’t quote this!
“It’s just $5 a month,
I don’t at all mind it.
John, I want the truth out!
(At least just a bit.)
You’re a fairly good writer,
though your idea of rhyming, dude,
I think it needs more drastically good timing.
Seven Years in Tibet…
Tell Brad I’ve been here
so very much longer.
I never did die!
(My mind don’t know why.)
Perhaps it’s the mountain air
on top of the world.
But I know down deep it’s really big tits.
I’m so glad I finally found ‘em.
Life, for me,
just keeps getting bigger,
up here in Lhasa,
where time stops
’cause it’s on top of the sky,
and I’m almost there,
but never know why.
Florinda has the details.
She knows more than me.
She eventually arrived
at far Machu Picchu,
moving her hand hypnotically like Obi-Wan
so the Spanish would never see ’em,
high in those Andes,
living like bandits,
flying at night,
haunting the dreams
of Spanish Can’t Stand Its.
O Mama Mia! I’m so glad that she made it,
far away, oh so far
from my Bodhi tree in Bihar,
she found adventure,
but I found my Alice.
She transports me at night
while John rhymes on Medium.
The Chinese can’t see us.
We’re keeping it tidy
for the next Dalai Lama,
sweeping the Palace
In Lhasa with Alice.
_______________________
© “John” Lesly Levin 2022
P.S. — The Spanish never did find Machu Picchu. The Chinese may think they’ve destroyed all the ancient Buddhist culture of Tibet, but … Xi Jinping, being a good communist atheist, doesn’t believe in reincarnation.
The Dalai Lama does.
