Sometimes I forget that I am a beautiful human being. I forget that I have done and can and will do special things.
I know this has happened to you too.
Some time ago I began using my drive regularly. I’d create and edit documents, typing my thoughts in files which remained untitled. I used my Keep tool similarly, creating entire lists of unfinished article ideas and tagging them appropriately.
Today, I dedicate time to do this, here, remembering to write and publish my thinking on life, specific issues and personal UX with nearly everything.
I wasn’t always this “balanced”. For someone who had been writing nearly daily for most of her school life, medical school was a rough adjustment. I quite simply couldn’t find the time to write.
I was opportuned to become a member of a campus writing group, the Writers’ Club. I loved and was loved in equal measure.
Amazingly, some of my love spilled over the wrong way, and I brought this family some indirect harm, much later. But it is not in my nature to dwell on regrets. I make the best with what I have and what things are.
But even with the Writers’ Club, I couldn’t write as much as I wanted to. Responsibility tends to gravitate towards me, spurred by the restless passion with which I throw myself into matters to which I commit.
I began by working with editorials and management and scaled up the ranks quickly, stepping into the shoes of the Editor-in-Chief, the first female one, in my penultimate year. I spent more time coaching and guiding people, circumventing and observing student and staff politics than I did writing.
Thinking back to this time, I realise that in spite of all the earth, water and fire around me, I’d had a rocking time in medical school. I’m so fucking grateful.
Which brings me to my initial point. I have had to learn and relearn being grateful for all that I am.
All that I am encompasses the things I have done or failed to do. This is important. Without it, it is so easy to belittle yourself, to feel stagnated even when the world around you is barefoot, swollen and pregnant with the joy of your magic.
I had to remember this “me” when someone, an acquaintance, really, connected to ask me what I liked to do and what I was good at.
It got me thinking, hard.
A few days later, I spent hours cataloguing my drive. I was mind-blown. Today, I have an entire folder titled, “Unfinished Orgasms”.
I know I have done myself a great disservice and I am taking steps to rectify this, everyday. Will you fix up too?
I do not typically do this, but then again, I can write what I like.
I dedicate this post to my friend, E. Know that I will you love and light and that the world is pregnant with your special magic. 💚
