Learning to talk to strangers, in silence.
Learning to talk to strangers: Week 2
I’m currently doing a 6 week course called Transformational Conversations led by Georgie Nightingall. Each week I’m sharing reflections on what I’ve learned.
Remembering to relax
I started meditation practice last year and have relished the benefits of attending a weekly group. I look forward to it on many levels: the simple yet profound benefit of a few deep breaths, the feeling of “dropping inward”, the change in my posture, tuning into my mood, settling into a moment with a different quality. Above all, I love the permission to be quiet. It never occurred to me how this state could affect my connections.
So I was a little surprised this week when we started our class with a mindfulness based meditation exercise. At first quietness feels like the opposite of conversational chatter. But after being guided through the short meditation it was strikingly obvious how a shift in energy would affect our interactions. It sparked a feeling of openness and curiosity, a willingness to sit back a little and let things flow. It was an important reminder of how the physical and mental state we are in affects our conversations. Making a conscious decision to change this when we are engaging can change our interactions for the better.
It’s not all words, we connect in the bits between talking too
In the next couple exercises Georgie guided us through silent practices with a partner. We started by just sitting in silence for a minute, making eye contact over zoom… It was a LONG minute.
We followed this with a two minute exercise with a partner focussed on tuning into ourselves, how we were feeling, what thoughts we were having, then a further two minutes of tuning into our partner, noticing them.
At first the quietness of not-talking did feel awkward, but as we persisted in silence this softened into a feeling of connection. I noticed that the chatter in my head quietened down. Defaults of assumptions and judgement shifted to curiosity and kindness. I felt connected.
It was an important reminder that giving time and space for silent connection is just as important as words.
Learning to stay present
Above all, the exercises this week highlighted the need to practice being present. During conversations we are so busy focusing on the thoughts in our head, what to say next or the environment around us that it doesn’t occur to us that we can shift our state and become more present. I think this not only gives us permission to relax, but also brings a non-judgemental quality to interactions which is often missing.
