Anxious about moving to Estonia? Don’t worry, our Psychological Counselor is here to help you!
When I first became a student ambassador, I wanted to have a chance to write about how to adapt to a new environment, living alone and to long, dark winters. So, I had a great opportunity to interview our university’s Psychological Counsellor Kadri Kiiskmann who gave information about a lot of issues related to the problems that many students face in their life.
Based on your experience, what is the most common problem that students face nowadays?
‘Anxiety’ is the one of the most common issues, also ‘worrying’, which to some extent are normal but rather uncomfortable feelings and thoughts to experience. However, sometimes students get stuck and it paralyzes them, or they start avoiding things due to this feeling of anxiety. That is where it begins to be a problem, otherwise it is perfectly normal to worry, and it is useful to understand that it is important to us as a feeling. Of course, also ‘sadness’, ‘depression’, ‘high expectations’ to achieve perfection, lack of motivation, inability to focus, are all big issues. International students also face most of these problems, in addition to having to adapt to a new environment. For students who are facing the challenge of adaptation, sometimes even the simplest things can be seen as hard to deal with, like finding the right products to eat. And of course, let’s not forget ‘isolation’. This is a big issue for the international students, because they ‘start from zero’ in Estonia building up their social circle.
When students come to you and address the problem, what is your first approach with them?
First of all of course, I want to give the space for that problem, let them talk because they need to be heard. My next step would be to ask what would their goal be if we start working together, what they would like to see changing, improving, happening in their lives and then we decide and see which way we can go.
Can you briefly mention some tips for students who are living alone for the first time?
First of all, the student needs to acknowledge that this might be difficult and different feelings can appear and this is normal to have anxieties, worrying or frustration. Curiosity helps to take things step by step. You can take it as an adventure to discover — putting yourself out there and experiencing things and trying things out and accepting that sometimes things don’t go as planned and it is perfectly normal to have feelings of discomfort or fear of the unknown when you live alone. It is not just students who can have such feelings. It is basically a human nature because we like to know that we have control.
Anxiety is a good thing to have but sometimes anxiety can also be a bad thing, especially, when it starts to control you and your actions. Can you share some tips on how to prevent ‘bad’ anxiety?
Well, there is no simple answer. If there was a simple answer, we would all know it already. There are different approaches. When someone experiences anxiety, they start being anxious about the anxiety that they are having, and start fighting it. If it works, why not. Often times, however, that fighting leads to losing the focus from what really matters and people may find themselves engaging with activities just to avoid the discomfort which can work really well in short term but not that much in the long run. It is very natural to try to avoid anxiety because it is nothing pleasant. Avoiding anxiety completely definitely doesn’t work for anybody.
Feeling fear was crucial for survival once, the ones that were careless didn’t survive in the realms of dangers like being eaten by a predator or cast out from the group and left alone. Until today, our minds are trying to protect us from the potential danger, but in today’s world that means mostly protecting us from potential failure, disappointment, getting hurt. Our mind wants to make sure beforehand that we did everything to insure that we wouldn’t go through these experiences. Sometimes it means preparing for the worst, sometimes it means avoiding important and meaningful situations or challenges. Anxiety means that we care about something, something is important to us.
If fighting or avoiding doesn’t help, there is another option — to make space for anxiety, to let it express itself and to allow it rather than fight it endlessly. You can recognize it as a way in which your mind is generating this feeling in order to protect you as feeling fear was crucial for survival once, the ones that were careless didn’t survive in the realms of dangers like being eaten by a predator or cast out from the group and left alone. Until today, our minds are trying to protect us from the potential danger, but in today’s world that means mostly protecting us from potential failure, disappointment, getting hurt. Our mind wants to make sure beforehand that we did everything to insure that we wouldn’t go through these experiences. Sometimes it means preparing for the worst, sometimes it means avoiding important and meaningful situations or challenges. Anxiety means that we care about something, something is important to us, embrace this feeling, and not judge yourself like you are failing or a failure.
How long are the sessions with a student? And what languages do you use in sessions?
An hour and 15 minutes. We mainly use English and Estonian.
After the session is over, do you give homework or an assignment for the students? How does the session end?
There are different options. Sometimes a student just wants to get it off the chest, and then there will be a space for that. Sometimes I give an assignment to notice the thoughts and feelings, and then we can go on from there. We can also make an action plan together to move closer to the set goal. I do not force the students to do the assignments of course, there has to be a clear reason and motivation for that.
Is it possible to have more than one session?
Yes, of course, as long as the students need, to get closer to the agreed goal. Sometimes it takes two sessions, sometimes the whole academic year.
- Kadri Kiiskman works as a psychologist for Taltech international students and staff. If you wish to get an appointment with her, merely send her an email via counselor@taltech.ee and Kadri will find a time that suits you both.
The counselling sessions are confidential and free of charge.
More information at: taltech.ee/students/student-support-services/psychological-counselling-2/
