Sometimes when the rain pours, it comes down so hard that it uproots plants and floods the streets. Sometimes it feels like the trials of life are a monsoon that just never ends. You wade through trial after trail after trial again and then you step into an unseen hole in the ground and your head goes underwater.
You get over the initial shock, but you are now swimming for your life, your arms are getting tired and you keep taking in water. You begin to wonder if you will ever find solid ground again. That is about where I am in the midst of my trials right now.
I stepped in a hole and have been swimming in deep water for a very long time now.
It would be easy for me to ask where God is in all of this, but then I look around and his hand is being shown all around me.
Just before COVID rocked everyone’s world, my family moved. I was doing pretty well for a few months and then my mental health took a dive.
We moved to a neighborhood where I actually feel safe. Feeling safe is something that has been hard to come by, as I have lived few places that didn’t take me back to my childhood sexual abuse. Finding this home was a miracle in so many ways. We live in a neighborhood where my son can run free with his friends around the neighborhood, we have never had that.
There are also a lot of really good kids in our neighborhood which is such a blessing. We have a view behind our house that literally takes my breath away. As the flowers on our property began to bloom, I noticed that I have admired every one of them at some point in my life, wanting to have them in my own yard one day, they were already here.
Our neighborhood is full of real life angels. We are surrounded by the most selfless and kind people on the planet. They are all so quick to jump in and help when help is needed. When I admitted myself into the hospital with a plan for suicide, one of my neighbors came and watched my kids so my husband could sit with me during intake.
Over the following weeks so many individuals took their time and money to provide meals for us, gifts for my children and effort in taking care of our yard.
There have been moments where my therapist seemed inspired in giving me direction, and then opportunities that perfectly align with his suggestions just miraculously open up to me. There have been days where I was in a really dark place and countless people just happen to think of me and reach out to me with a text, phone call, or even dropped by to say hi.
All of this happened within a couple of days, during my darkest moments. I sent a message to a friend and she sent the calvary running to my aid. She got me out of the house, someone watched my kids, and someone else got me a massage. One friend has even been taking me walking with her in the evenings at the gym which has really made a positive impact on my mental health.
All of these people have truly saved me.
They have enabled me to get my feet back under me. They have been angels, real angels. They have blessed my live in immeasurable ways.
We have also had the means to afford all of the therapy and treatment to help in my recovery. This has not always been an option for us.
If all of those things weren’t enough to convince you that God is active in my life, there have been whisperings of the spirit and miracles of healing that could have come from no other place.
How hard are you looking for God’s miraculous hand in your life? Can you see him? God is most definitely active in my life, I see his hand almost daily.
Look for him and you will see him in your life too.
I know God lives and I know that he loves every one of his children no matter how unforgivable they may think they are. Reach out to him and I promise he will reach back.
