Slice of Youth
Japanese Title: ミス・アイスサンドイッチ
English Title: Ms. Ice Sandwich
Author: 川上未映子 (Kawakami Mieko)
Published: 2017
Teenage years can be very frustrating. I couldn’t keep count of how many times I wanted to disappear just because the hem of my pants were uneven (Believe me I was such a drama queen back then). Ironically, despite constant twine and whine at the time, I find that those years are among the best times of my life.
The world is relatively small when you were thirteen. Misery only revolves around trifling matters like the stain on one’s favorite shirt or the piece of veggie that got stuck in one’s teeth during presentation. I admit that there are teenagers who dealt with much bigger problems than I did. Lucky for them, they will be able to handle serious issues arising in older ages with much ease or at least better than a wide-eyed kid like me. Yet, a somewhat normal child can get to experience life as it’s meant to be at that age: being carefree and dramatized, getting emotional for no reasons, making rash decisions, having uncontrollable urges to love or hate, and the fact that one’s mental state of mind is never balanced (Okay, maybe that is not so normal…). My friends, to me that is youth, fresh from the oven.
I guess around that age most people had their first crush. It’s a nice little feeling since it’s quite short-lived. Without being reciprocated, the state of crushing someone usually ends before it can continue to grow into anything but haunting and painful love.
There’s this word in Japanese 片思い(Kataomoi), which describes exactly this state of mind. The Kanji 片 literally means partition — a sheet separating two things and 思 means thoughts, those that you put your “heart” 心 into. As a whole, the word 片思い in itself already means unrequited love. No matter how much feelings you pour into this person, mooning about the day you’ll be together, there will always be a wall standing in the way.
Nevertheless, it should never become a toxic, resentful relationship unless one wants to possess the subject of one’s infatuation. However agonizing and heart-rending it could be, to be in love is a privilege. From what I’ve seen, to be in pain means to have known better feelings. To reach maturity in any relationship and even in life, one needs to taste every feeling that is known to human beings.
These were the trains of thought I was having when I finished the book.
Reading Ms. Ice Sandwich is like listening to a song with a cheerful tune but melancholic lyrics. Don’t get me wrong. The story is far from being sad, both in terms of tone and plot. It’s witty and… childlike. It felt like youth is “sandwiched” between the pages. Every little detail is true and highly relatable, therefore nostalgic. Life can be extremely tough but the way the story unfolded reassures me that no matter what happens, things will turn out alright. It was such a youthful way of looking at life. Not many people can be as optimistic. Pain distorts our perspectives on life. It ages us. Regardless of our physical ages, should we go on living carrying past scars, our spirit has already ceased to exist. In the end, all the obstacles we must face are to teach us how to accept and overcome them.
The book should have been written by a naive and awkward young boy rather than a lady of profound writing skills. Mieko-san was masterful in her way of exerting the narrative voice, as well as Louise Heal Kawai for her excellent and faithful translation. As many readers would also, I was eager to find out more about the boy. In his world, though gloomy and forlorn, there were still people who are moved by his kindness and innocence, and in return they pushed him out of his shell, giving him the confidence he needed to grow up.
Beneath the childish facade, I came to understand some profound thinking regarding one-sided love. It is unexplainable why we’re feeling the way we are about certain people. Not just in Japanese, we all “fall in love” 恋におちた (“sa vào lưới tình”). Why use “fall” if it’s wanted and controllable? Despise what others may say, the image of our beloved is always perfect for us. But it’s just a mere image. It can easily be shattered when we discover the reality underneath. At this point, we can either choose to move on or stay and continue to grow our unreciprocated feelings. I believe that despite such discovery, we can still feel tender and loving towards that person, the state of crushing has taken a big leap to unconditional love. I detest the statement that if your longing is not returned, the love is not real. It is in fact very much real, it’s just not meant to be. What the boy has experienced was worthwhile and sincere. Even if nothing had happened, his love was answered with great sincerity as well. Ms. Ice Sandwich will always remember being loved in the most genuine and respected way by someone who clearly knows he can’t be with her.
I've been feeling considerably old ever since 2020 started. (Perhaps we all…) Having some youthful moments with Ms. Ice Sandwich during quarantine was very rewarding. I guess everyone can use a little “slice of youth” sometimes. Hope you guys can give this one a try and enjoy it as much as I did.
