St. Paul’s, Slaying Girls, and Where We Go From Here
— Julia LaSalvia
The St. Paul’s Rape Case has come to its end and with it, a verdict.
Owen Labrie, the prep school graduate accused of raping a 15-year-old freshman during his senior year at the prestigious boarding school, was found not guilty of felony sexual assault charges, but was convicted of having sex with a girl who was below the age of consent as well as a few lesser charges.
As is true with most rape cases, the jury’s decision came down to who the jurors believed to be a more credible source. Compounding the blurriness of a he-said-she-said trial was the victim’s description of how, even during the encounter, she was afraid to look “bitchy.” In a graphic and impassioned testimony, she told the jury she said “no” more than once, but felt frozen as the assault was happening.
Owen Labrie described the encounter as a tryst, claiming that he “thought she was having a great time.” Following the confrontation, their communication appeared friendly, even affectionate, what the accuser described as an attempt to not be dramatic and regain control of the situation.
While much of the trial can appear cloudy, one obvious truth has emerged — the two teenagers who were alone on the night in question were completely unprepared for the situation they were in.
She was 15 at the time, insecure, afraid to offend Labrie when she wanted the encounter to stop. He was 18, a prefect at the school, participating in a troubling culture of sex, entitlement, and misogyny, exacerbated by an institution that seemed to be doing little to stop disconcerting behaviors.
The trial focused heavily on the culture at St. Paul’s and on one particular ritual at the school called the “Senior Salute.” The “Salute” was a tradition where seniors would proposition younger classmates for any type of intimacy they could get, anything from holding hands, to kissing, to sex.
While students at the school had varying descriptions of what exactly the “Salute” was, it’s clear from the emails and Facebook messages exchanged between Labrie and his friends that they were using the ritual as a competition to see who could “bone” the most underclassmen girls by the end of year. In conversations between Labrie and his classmates, they used terms like “slay” and “pork” when referring to the girls they were hooking up with.
It wasn’t until later while I was reading the transcript that I began to think about the literal definitions of these terms and how depressing it is to think of them being used to describe having sex with their younger classmates. And these aren’t even abnormal words to use when talking about sex. I have friends who use the terms pound, pork, slay, and score when referring to hooking up and I know that they have meaningful and respectful relationships with the women in their lives.
But it’s time to acknowledge this sort of terminology for what it actually does — which is promote a misogynist culture.
If we want to teach the future Owen Labries what is acceptable behavior, we need to start with our own. We need to write a cultural revision, where talking about sex in violent, competitive, nonconsensual terms is completely intolerable. Similarly to how it’s no longer acceptable to say “that’s gay,” it should no longer be okay to speak of “slaying” girls.
Credit: Pool photo by Geoff Forester
By doing so, we are sending mixed messages to the prepubescent generation. On one hand, we are saying that sexual assault is reprehensible, yet we live in a culture that celebrates male’s conquests on TV, in music, in frat houses, in high school hallways, and in our own vernacular. I’m not surprised that Owen Labrie got confused on what is the appropriate way to behave considering the culture at St. Paul’s and the media landscape he’s steeped in.
Do I think he had agency and is completely responsible for his own egregious actions?
Yes.
But I also think that the current cultural climate that young boys are growing up in is as damaging to them as it is to their female counterparts.
Fortunately, the last few years has seen increased attention brought to the issue of sexual assault in schools. Thanks to student activists across the country, like Emma Sulkowicz, the Columbia University student who protested her alleged sexual assault by carrying a mattress everyday to class last year, and Leah Francis, a Stanford student who led multiple protests to encourage the University to change its sexual assault policies, encounters that once were hidden in the shadows are being brought to the forefront of America’s consciousness.
But if we want to put an end to our sexual assault problem, we need to start addressing the root of the issue — a society that continues to espouse the notion that a woman’s sexuality is a gift to be won. We need to change the culture so young women in high school feel confident enough to say when they’re uncomfortable and young men seek to have consensual sex as opposed to hitting a quota and “scoring” at any cost.
We need to educate younger generations on what’s appropriate through our own actions and behavior. The fact that the school knew about the “Senior Salute” ritual and wasn’t taking active steps to squash it is concerning. Isn’t it obvious that a tradition like this could very easily get taken too far? Shouldn’t educational institutions be safe havens for people to focus on what they came their for, their educations? Shouldn’t the onus be placed on elite institutions to teach young men to respect women and not passively condone sexist rituals by actively ignoring them?
I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
