Earlier this month, we sat down with one of the pioneers behind the Sex Tech movement, the founder of tabú, Mia Davis. We talked about everything from feminist porn, to the current state of sex ed in the US (spoiler alert: it’s not great), and her advice for future CEOs.
Check out our full convo below.
Julia, Tart: As someone who grew up in a pretty sexually repressed area (shout out to my hometown in Virginia!) I was excited to see that a platform like this exists! For people who don’t know, what is tabú and why did you decide to start this company?
Mia Davis, Founder of tabú: tabú is an expert-driven sexual health discovery platform and what that means is we have content across our website and our app that is written by sexual health experts — either educators, sex therapists, gynecologists, anyone in the field who is certified to teach this information. We have a community forum where you can ask anonymous questions and get answers from experts. We also produce our own content and curate articles and videos that focus on sexual health. The point of tabú is to be a trusted, reliable resource in an approachable way.
The idea to start it really bore out of a conversation with friends about the unrealistic portrayal of sex in the media … like when a couple hooks up in a movie, it’s pretty seamless. There’s no conversation, there’s no awkward moment, and obviously that’s not real life. As a result of that, combined with a lack of comprehensive sexual education and the fact that people don’t openly talk about sex, there are a lot of young people who don’t have what they need to approach a healthy sex life or a healthy relationship with their body in general. Actually, 83% of teens say they didn’t receive any formal sex ed before they first had sex.
Julia: Wait… what? That’s such an insane statistic.
Mia: I know, it’s crazy! And especially when you get to college, there’s such a free-for-all environment and people are making decisions that aren’t necessarily reflective of an educated standpoint. A lot of people have insecurities talking about things like birth control and using condoms. I grew up in a conservative family and educational background so I had a lot of these types of experiences of my own and felt compelled to find a solution for it.
Julia: Yes, I felt very similarly growing up. I was lucky enough to have parents who were very open and talking with me, but my educational experiences never felt practical or useful. How do you think schools can improve how they teach sex ed?
Mia: I think for starters they can actually be teaching sex ed in the first place. Currently, less than half of US states are required to teach sexual education in schools. And most of the programs are abstinence-based, which have been proven to be ineffective… obviously if you’re teaching someone about sex, the first message can’t be “don’t have it.” There’s a lot of shame and scare tactics used.
I remember seeing a powerpoint presentation about STDs and how scary they are and it’s really all about preventing sex from happening. It’s unrealistic to think young people aren’t going to have sex. I hear parents say things like, “My kid isn’t having sex” but then when they reflect on their own lives, they’re like “Oh maybe I was doing that but my kid won’t.”
Julia: It’s a total cycle of denial.
Mia: Exactly! And what I’ve learned from working in this field is that a lot of people teaching sex ed in high schools are general health or physical education teachers, meaning they don’t have a background in sexual education. If they come in with their own shame and awkwardness, that’s going to translate into how they teach the information. I think schools need to take a much larger responsibility in teaching young people, as well as educating their own staff so that they can properly respond to questions and create an inclusive environment.
Julia: Speaking of inclusivity, something I’ve noticed from playing around on the app is that tabú is providing a forum to talk about sexual identity and mental health. Why did you think it was important to include these topics in the conversation?
Mia: Well I think there are a lot of intersections across sexual health, sexuality, and mental health and that’s largely because these topics are highly stigmatized. When people aren’t getting guidance and being supported, it’s very common to feel alone and isolated in your experience, which can often lead to depression, anxiety, poor body image, and a negative relationship with your own sexuality and yourself in general. We really wanted to tackle these topics and provide a safe space for conversation and information because they overlap. They all work together. I think sexual health is an integral part of overall wellness, as is mental health.
Julia: Right, it makes sense that all of these topics would be interconnected and openness is such a critical part of overall well-being. I was reading an article in the New York Times about how a lot of people turn to porn to answer their questions. What do you think? Do you think it’s dangerous or can porn be a beneficial tool for learning?
Mia: Basically, porn is a form of entertainment for people to use as an aid in arousal, but I don’t think people should view it as educational or anyone should think what’s happening onscreen is real. There has to be a clear distinction between what is real and what is acting.
Porn is acting and I don’t think young people understand that, so they’re watching it to answer some of their basic questions and they might be mimicking the behaviors that they see. They’re likely not seeing a point of conversation or consent. Without any of these values being shown, problems arise. We have “basics” on our website that focus on different topics, like a Consent 101 or Relationship Health 101, and we did one about porn to highlight the difference between porn sex and real life sex.
Julia: While we’re on the topic, do you know of any companies that produce porn for women…asking for a friend. **nervous giggle** But in all seriousness, it feels like so often porn is geared towards men and doesn’t depict female pleasure. Having porn focused on women’s enjoyment seems like it could help bridge gaps, maybe not necessarily on the educational front, but in other ways.
Mia: I agree. Erika Lust produces indie porn for women that’s won a ton of awards and is part of the feminist porn movement, alongside others like Petra Joy and Anna Span. It’s interesting to think about adult entertainment from women’s perspectives and how it looks different from a lot of what exists today. I’ve found it’s where topics like pleasure and consent come up. It’s not to say that men don’t think about those issues, but I think that having different perspectives is really important. There’s really just a lack of representation in porn across the board — in terms of gender, sexual identity, and differently-abled people. I think that’s an area where porn can really improve.
Julia: Now I’m going to totally change the topic. I was trying to think of a way to segue out of porn and I’ve come up empty handed here. I wanted to chat a little bit about what it’s been like starting your own company. What advice would you give to people, specifically women, who are interested in starting their own company one day?
Mia: I have a lot of advice but I think where I would start is that taking on anything new, particularly starting a company is extremely taxing — emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, everything — and it will affect your entire life. You go through a lot of ups and downs and you can’t ever predict the future. Just remember to take things one day at a time and remain optimistic. You have to have the mentality that success is not going to happen overnight and be really patient. I would also encourage people to ask for help when you need it. That’s something that’s been really difficult for me. It’s kind of scary and intimidating and you might feel annoying asking someone to help but it’s so important. I’ve found people want to help more often than you’d think. They just have to know how, so you have to be a little bit shameless and explicit when you need something.
Julia: That’s a lesson I’ve learned since leaving college too. As women I feel like we’re constantly worried about being loud or taking up too much space, but I agree… I’ve found people really do want to help.
Mia: Totally… and I also think there are advantages to having a different perspective [referring to being a young woman of color in a typically white, male-dominated field]. Sometimes it feels like you have to prove yourself more, but that also makes you a stronger person.
Julia: Well, you’ve definitely proven yourself in my book. Thank you for taking the time to chat with us. And everybody reading this, check out tabú’s web app, read their zine, and follow along on social media for your daily dose of sex positivity (…or when you’ve got a burning hopefully-it’s-not-a-rash-but-no-judgements-if-it-is question)!
To learn more about the women of Sex Tech, check out this NYT piece:
