The below stated reasons are my personal thoughts. I have spent over 213 days to understand what went wrong in my 5 years 6 months relationship.
Before reading, just keep in mind that it is always good to let people go. It’s an amazing life and we would definitely find someone for ourselves at some point in life.
Here are the top reasons that cause relationship break-ups -
- Behavioural Development
- Misdirected Annoyance
- The Friend
- Holding back
- Taking them for granted
- Just Talk
- Not Being ‘You’
This works in two ways. Behavioural development is what your partner expects from you in some cases and it’s the opposite in some. Let me explain this in detail.
When we fall in love in our 20’s, we still have some portion of the inner kid alive and functioning. We usually stay cool and the way we approach things is inclined toward a funny and easy way. When we keep smiling and try to enjoy the maximum in our life, we create a positive aura around us and people are usually attracted to that aura. Our playfulness and positive attitude attract our partner and the relationship begins on a happy note.
Now as time passes by, people tend to change, cause situations to change. We have different reactions to different situations. From a fun loving guy who didn’t bother much about anything, I turned into a serious, career-minded and not-so-fun-loving guy. This change occurred when I was 3 years into the relationship. My partner no longer found the funny guy in me and that’s someone she fell in love with. My behaviour developed with time in this case but I lost my love.
This works exactly the opposite in some cases. Our partner expects us to take things seriously, start building things and make money. We often take situations on a lighter note and blind ourselves with the consequences. We are no longer the person our partner expects us to be. People leave when their expectations are not met. Sometimes, it’s good that we change with time.
‘Trust me darling!’ is the best thing they would want to listen from you. It fills your partner with hope and builds confidence. Once trust is broken, the magic can no longer be found in those 3 words. Rebuilding trust is possible but it takes a lot of effort, love and time.
Dishonesty or cheating is one of the main reasons behind people ending up their relationships. Don’t cheat. It might not be completely wrong in your perspective, but don’t forget that a heart can be very sensible. Don’t break it.
Really? You didn’t know you would go through bad days at work?
There might be several situations where you feel annoyed and irritated. But never direct those feelings towards your partner. If you do, our partner might not be bothered about it in the initial stage of the relationship, but it certainly makes an impact on your relationship in the long run.
Anger management is easy if you understand the way it works. All we have to do is tell ourselves to calm down. Next time, whenever you are in a bad mood and want to let out your frustration, don’t yell at your partner. Remember that you fell in love with them just because they can make you happy. They can be your stress buster and mood refresher. Instead of redirecting anger, hold each other until you forget the bad part of your day.
Their touch can heal you
Love is powerful and you have to learn the way of loving your partner to stay happy and content.
It was our first date and she mentioned she loved dancing. I was a very supportive man and always wanted her to do things that keep her happy. This changes with time and it isn’t a bad thing. In the initial stage of love, we just want our partner to be happy, no matter what. Even after knowing the fact that they are on the wrong way, we let them enjoy the journey.
As time passes, we want our partner to win. So whenever they plan something, we try to be practical, forgetting their joy. We analyze the path of the plan and suggest our partner about taking the other way. Many times, this discussion in relationships isn’t so smooth. The comparison factor comes into play and your partner would end up comparing you to the supportive-you in the past.
Something which I learned from my experience is to let them do their thing. The worst that can happen is a failure. It’s okay to fail. Don’t discourage your partner. Try explaining them the odds and encourage them to do the required.
One thing has to be understood well. Never have friends who disrespect your partner. Friendship does not demand attention and affection, but love does. Being a good friend to your partner is important but making them feel special with affection is something that draws the line between love and friendship.
My partner had abusive friends and I was against it. We could have talked it out but staying away from disrespectful and abusive people is a call that has to be taken on a personal level. Have those type of friends who would always want you and your partner to be happy as a couple.
Her touch, her voice, her expressions, everything about her seemed so enlivening to me when we started being together. Most of the time, she would be wrapped in my arms, cuddling and kissing. It was pure affection.
Time is powerful but you can still have it on your side. I wasn’t smart enough to understand how relationships work and lost someone I really cared about. I didn’t display my affection towards her as time passed on. There would be situations when you or your partner would expect attention and affection from you. Sometimes, you can see it in their eyes and decide to hold back.
Never hold back love
Love each other. Let them know that no matter what, you got their back.
Taking Them For Granted
This is something I experienced. It hurts when people you love and care about, take you for granted. Always respect the time your partner is putting in to make you happy and content. Everyday habits like kissing good morning and good night, greeting each other, talking to each other at least once or twice in a day, might seem silly after a certain point of time, but keep doing them.
I never missed my daily greetings and wanted to talk to my partner at least once a day. When we started working and there was a shortage of time, she gave up on these daily greetings. She found them silly.
Never take time for granted. These little things would make your partner realize that you care for them. If you find greeting each other difficult in a 24 hour day, make sure you talk about it with your loved one. The best decisions are usually mutual in love.
Truth — If you don’t communicate, be ready to lose.
Expressing feelings is never old school. We are all meant to be happy in this world, let out our feelings and be nice to loved ones. Even if it hurts, it’s always better to express everything to your partner.
We hold back on many conversations that come across our mind an eventually, we end up not discussing it. Feelings don’t get buried, the only way is to let them out. These buried feelings explode on a bad day and things go out of control.
Decide a time to talk about things. A study says couples who talk about their relationship and go to sleep with no complaints are likely to stay together for a long time. I remember a time in my relationship when her happiness is all that mattered to me. Many times, I got offended, screamed upon, and experienced pain through unexpected words from my partner. But I never talked to her about them. I kept those feelings to myself and they got worse with time.
Not Being ‘You’
When you fall in love with a person, you also fall in love with their nature, presence, habits, touch, and everything about them. When I found love, it was the most precious part of my life. I took extra care forgetting the fact that I was not being myself. I became overprotective, conservative and it was too late when I realized I was being a jerk.
You have to understand the way your partner wants to be loved. Give them exactly that. No more or no less. It takes time to figure out an individual. Never rush with judgments, take things slow and understand your partner. Be nice to them, be loving and caring, be you!
Thanks for reading. I want every one of you to be grateful for this life. Keep loving people around you and always carry a smile. Let people go and stay happy.
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