Many people have this habit of talking to themselves. As a kid, I was an introvert. I upgraded to an ambivert as time passed. There were many situations during my childhood that got me into trouble and made me face bullying a bit. I had this talking-to-self habit way more back then, and it increased to a point where I used to forget the presence of people around me.
I used to end up speaking so loud to myself and people around me often found me crazy and creepy. This passed on for years and I was 20 when I tried weed for the first time. It was an amazing experience as I could start imagining much more complex situations that led to more conversations between me and myself.
Yes, the talking has reached to the next level. I would imagine myself in the toughest of situations and then find my way out of them using my own conversation help. Without weed, I could only imagine a plot. But, weed actually helped me to imagine the elements needed to complete the plot. I could see virtual men, women, furniture, chains, nuts, bolts and every little thing in detail.
As obvious as it seems, I had to see a doctor. My doctor first told me that speaking to self wasn’t any kind of disease or mental illness. It’s just a habit that geniuses have. I was very proud after listening this. Just then, the doctor mentioned something amazing.
Talking to yourself is like sharing your opinions, thoughts, views, and everything with yourself. We often do it because we love our company and we know we wouldn’t be judged by the flow of information within us.
The doctor then asked me to find a better medium to let things out. I found the doctor’s advice to be very effective. We want to let things out and we don’t find company of friends who have a same level of understanding and analyzing. When we fail to find someone, we end up loving the inner self.
Many people find partners and share love, affection, views, ideas and beds. I was 22 and I decided to find someone to avoid this self-talking habit. By that time, the maximum time I spoke to myself without any interruption was 4 hours and 27 minutes. I quit weed. Yes, I started smoking hash by then.
The relationship didn’t turn out to be very fruitful. Girls never wanted to hear about the inner me as it freaked them out. It was one night, I was alone, watching a weed documentary on Netflix. I suddenly found something interesting and wanted to write it down. I couldn’t find a paper and I decided to note it down in a notepad as I had my laptop on.
I opened the notepad and was amused by the typewriter font in it. I was high to an another level. As I type, there was a ‘tik’ sound of the keyboard keys that I loved for no reason. I started typing more and ended up typing a 4500 word random shit just to listen to the tik-tik-tik sound.
The sound, it was taking me close to peace. And I realized that, whenever I typed, I didn’t talk to myself. That’s when I started writing everyday and I talked to myself through the keys.
My world of imagination is way beyond wonderful and I want people to live and feel it the way I do. The tik-tik sound keeps me going. I don’t write to attract readers.
I write for myself, to run from my inner conversations, to make sure people live my imagination, to just hear the key sounds and to stay in peace.
See you around.