5 Questions to Ask Before Sex
#4 will change the way you think of intimacy.
We owe it to ourselves to complete an investigation before doing the do.
Here are some recommendations for non-conventional but common sense questions that can give us the lead on our partner before they lead us on.
- What is your legal name? (First, Middle and Last)
We need to know who we are dealing with. This is a no-brainer. Society is full of delightful people. However, as normal as we may appear outside, some people can have a short fuse, a few screws loose, or be a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Have you seen the movie *trigger warning — violence* Misery? You never know if a person is insane or criminal until you know, and it is too late by that time. This is not to make light of mental illness, but there is no excuse not to know who you are dealing with in the information age.
Being the victim of domestic violence, harassment, or even murder can be avoided by simply asking someone their name when you first meet them. Ask to look at the photo on their driver's license and note the first, middle, and last name.
If someone hesitates to tell you their legal name, that should be a vast, matador-worthy red flag. Perhaps they have something to the tune of a mug shot or public registration to hide. Misery loves company. The insane are often without conscience. And we should vet our partners to stay far, far away from troubled minds.
It takes 3 seconds to do a search that can save us months or years of heartache. How many bullets could we dodge by plugging a name into Google, LinkedIn, and other sites? Of course, we should be positive and hope for the best when meeting new people. But we should also not be naive. Social media monikers are not enough. It costs nothing to search outside of social media if you are going to be intimate. Just do it.
2. What do you value more than money?
This genius question is circulating on social media. By asking someone what they value more than money (which is the priority for many), it gives us a sense of someone's core values. If someone is stumped when asked the question, there is nothing inherently wrong with them. Many of us spend our lives finding our true purpose.
However, if they are over the age of 25 and cannot provide an answer, it is an indication that they do not have any values, boundaries, and self-respect intact. If someone does not have values and self-respect or works toward a life purpose, they likely have low self-esteem. They probably do not respect their body enough to wear condoms. They likely do not respect their body enough not to inject drugs or protect it from disease. If they are not protecting and respecting themselves, then they surely can not respect you.
Conversely, if money is the only thing that matters, then this may be another red flag. Money is significant. It is necessary to survive. But if there are no boundaries around income, then a person will sell their body and soul for money and transfer that negative spiritual energy to you when you allow them to enter yours. We should get intimate with someone's spirit before the body because they are not mutually exclusive.
3. How do you feel about marriage?
Studies show that men and women view sex and intimacy differently. Men (not all) can separate sex from emotions and feelings of love. Studies also show that women (not all) are chemically stimulated to love a man after sex.
If a woman intends to change a man's view of her and seek commitment through good sex, then she may be in for a disappointment. It is best to have an answer straightforward and from the start.
4. What soap do you use?
Ideally, for emotional and spiritual reasons, sex starts near or close to marriage. But if we cannot wait, we should at least stick around long enough to understand their grooming habits. All humans are full of millions of microscopic bacteria. Bacteria are naturally occurring, and in many cases, healthy. But too much or harmful bacteria can lead to disease and bad health. Disease transfers from skin to skin contact.
We should date people that take care to wash the bacteria away occasionally. Research shows that the average human has dozens of living, mating critters living on their faces. There are tiny microscopic spider-like mites called "face mites" that live off the sebum/oil in our facial skin. They are pretty gross. Just look:
So, if these are on our faces, imagine the bacteria on our private parts, inside our mouths and skin. We owe it to ourselves to spend considerable amounts of time with someone and watch their grooming habits before jumping into bed. It may not be sexy, but we need to be honest. You can have safe sex and still get non-STI's like athletes' foot, ringworm, pink eye, or a rash from touching someone who has terrible hygiene. Who has time to spend hours in the clinic asking for medical-grade creams?
If your date does not wash their hands after #2, avoids brushing their teeth, and cannot tell you what brand of soap they use: Run!
5. Will you take an STD test with me?
Society is not doing as good a job as it should to promote safe sex and the frequency of STDs.
You cannot simply look at a person and tell if they have a disease or virus because many are asymptomatic.
The only way to know is to ask and to get proof. Going to a "clinic" with a new partner can be awkward, unsexy, and most people object. But it does not need to be so. You go individually to a "minute clinic," separately like CVS, and have your blood drawn for about $99. Some resources offer STD testing for free. The results will come back within days. There are even at-home tests. Is it worth it? Yes.
THERE IS NO CURE for HIV, Herpes Simplex Virus, Hepatitis B, and HPV.
Ladies, how many times have you slept with a man, only for him to lose interest the next day? He can be on to the next woman but leave you with something you can never give back, like an incurable virus.
The same is true for men with women. If a man or woman refuses to take an STD test and practice safe sex, then run. The results of an STD test can take only a few days to be returned. $99 is a drop in the bucket compared to a lifetime of viral suppression medication, the symptoms that go along with viruses, or at worst, death. No matter how pretty or handsome, no one is exempt from disease.
We have purposes to fulfill — be it through our professions or our families, or both. STDs are a preventable and unnecessary distraction.
Getting tested is simple: Visit the CDC testing site at https://gettested.cdc.gov/ and enter your zip code to find a testing center near you.
Who needs the additional stress or life to be cut short for a moment of pleasure? Stand up for yourself at all costs. Ask questions. Get answers.
You are worth the wait.
