The Fallacy of the 50/50 Date
Like the American Instagram legend, the plans for December entailed eating bread and deserts and getting all fat and sassy. Why not?
I just nearly slapped myself for ordering one dinner that amounted to $60 on Door Dash. Tonight, I ordered several delicious entrees I had no idea how to pronounce (like “profiteroles” and “capriccioso”) and rationalized the cost with: Seize the Day!
Homesick and pining for authentic Italian food, (I am a WOC living in Washington, DC, who grew up in a Pennsylvania Italian neighborhood), I took a shot in the dark and ordered from Cesco Osteria in Bethesda, Maryland. Having never eaten there, I did not know what to expect.
I could have lost money. I could have gotten bad results but took a chance. The order included:
Bongo Bongo: (Profiteroles — yes, cream puffs, with melted chocolate)
Pastry Wrapped Portobello: ('Shrooms, goat cheese, and caramelized onion)
Pizza Capricciosa: (A pie with mushrooms and tomato. No sausage for me.)
Penne Arrabiata: (Pasta with spicy tomato and dried ricotta)
I nibbled, living in the present, enjoyed the meal, and did not worry about the calories. My tastebuds were pleased with the contrast between the savory tomato and the sweetness of the balsamic vinegarette. The food did what good food does; relieve stress. Is it me, or does eating really, really good food feel like an orgasm? You have not lived until you have had a food orgasm. The fresher the ingredients, the better.
In addition to the calories, the cost of the meal was an afterthought. The experience was worth every coin, and from my vantage point, happiness is priceless.
As I wrapped up to stuff the fridge with tomorrow's leftovers, I contemplated the economics of dating. If on a date, the cost would be likely three (3) to four (4) times the cost of tonight's dinner for one. One could assume that an average dinner date at a mid-range restaurant is about $180 to $250 in Washington, DC. This estimate includes the man's and the woman's meal, wine, drinks, tips, etc. It is standard for metropolitan areas like LA, NY, or DC with an inflated cost of living. For other cities, where the cost of living is less, the adjusted fair price of a first date could be $90 to $125.
$90 — $250 or more is a fair cost to pay for a first date or the first year of dates at a mid-range restaurant with a woman 30 years and older.
The midrange restaurant is the lowest bar for a woman 26 and older. Self-respecting women do not negotiate the cost or quality of dates.
Women (depending on the age and geographic location) above the age of 25 should refuse to be taken to inexpensive chain restaurants like Applebee’s, Dave and Buster's, the Olive Garden, or TGIFridays for dinner. These restaurants are basically McDonald's with ambient lighting. The food is flash frozen and shipped on a truck, then microwaved and served on greasy plates.
Applebee's dates are dates that 16–18-year-old boys take girls to high school on their first date in life. They are paid for with mom or dad's money — and perhaps a Groupon. Applebee's dates are okay for high-school homecoming, but they are unacceptable for adult women.
There are exceptions. Lower quality, while not preferred, is understandable in the teenage years to early twenties. From 18–25, men are just gaining their grounding. It is a time where, unless we inherited a fortune, everyone is pretty much insolvent. We are paying back loans, saving for a home, and in entry-level positions earning low salaries.
However, from 26 years and forward, we are adults, and men should put in more effort in terms of research, originality, and creativity when planning a date.
A date is not just about the food. If executed correctly, dating is the art of a man mentally seducing a woman, two people picking their brains for compatibility and negotiating roles in each other's future. This act of dating is priceless. Dating is an investment of time and energy and should be taken seriously. It should be done in a suitable environment. Women above 26 only deserve 4-star, Zagat-rated, family-owned, or Michelin-starred restaurants.
For reasons described below, the meal should be carte blanche, and the man should be responsible for paying in full.
Men should pay to play, or ladies should walk away.
Some men feel that it is acceptable to ask women to foot or part of the bill. It is an automatic red flag when a man asks to pay 50/50. If a man asks to split the bill or to go 50/50, he is either one or a combination of the following:
1) Does not understand the economics of dating, 2) a cheapskate, or 3) Inexperienced.
It is okay if a man falls into one of these categories. Perhaps it is by accident. The premise of this article is to share the logic behind the fallacy of the 50/50 date so that men can be aware of the issues and avoid them.
- Understand the Economics of Dating: 50/50 is a fallacy, and the reason is simple math:
A woman's 50% share is not a man's 50% share because, on average, women make less per dollar in salary. On average, a woman of my genetic background makes 60 percent of every man's dollar. So, if a meal costs 100 dollars, and a man asks me to split the bill 50/50, that means that my "$50" expense is equal to $60 of his dollars, and his portion is actually $50. I had to work 40% harder and more hours to earn the same $100 that he makes. The woman pays more with time and money when dates are split 50/50. It is not fair, and it is not equal.
In addition to this, women endure the hidden costs of dating that men take for granted. While men can shower and go, the average woman makes several salon appointments and goes shopping to make herself presentable because we understand that men are "visual creatures."
News flash; women do not roll out of bed looking as we present ourselves on dates. We could show up to dates bare-faced, zits exposed, in sweatpants with armpit hair, and greasy head hair, and crusty feet, but we do not. If we look good, it took lots of silent effort.
Before she even arrives at the date, the woman has likely spent: $350 or more. Here are a few hidden costs of dating for women:
- Hair (Blowout): $120
- Gel Nail Manicure: $45
- Pedicure: $35
- Dress: $109
- Makeup: $20
- Transportation: $40 (Gas and Parking)
Just as men want to be spared the details of our beauty regimens and the associated costs, we would like you to be quiet and swipe the card when the check comes.
Itemizing expenses on a date is in bad taste. Men would cringe to hear: "I paid $120 for my hairstyle. I paid $45 for my gel manicure." etc. We understand this. So, we do not speak on it, however, it is a lot to absorb financially.
Men should understand the economics of dating before asking a woman to pay for her food. Plan so that you do not get "sticker shock." Be kind, considerate, and appreciate the effort she silently put forth into making herself beautiful to you. Pay for the date.
2. Being a Cheapskate Robs You Too
Did you ever notice that you may need to flag the waiter down several times for service when you go to less expensive restaurants? Do you notice that servers in lower-tier restaurants generally do not take pride in their jobs? Do they seem aggravated and have no problem showing their frustration? Maybe the glasses have fingerprints, or the silverware is less than clean. Perhaps the food is still frozen and unevenly cooked. The customer service is lacking because they want to get you in and out.
When you pay more and opt for a more expensive restaurant, the service, the food, and the general experience are better. The servers are more highly compensated. Many are in study to be managers in the hospitality field. They care. The food is fresh and pulled from local farms instead of shipped in frozen containers and microwave heated, then transferred to your plate.
Some men think that getting a woman to “pay her share” or opting for a less expensive restaurant is helping him to save money. It is not. Being cheap robs you too. You get what you pay for. Save money until you can take her somewhere memorable. Who knows, you may have your first food orgasm.
It is also important to note that "home-cooked meals" are creepy first dates. It is very unsafe and grounds for assault or rape. Dates should be public.
If you do your research and ask around, you may be pleasantly surprised by your experience and new opportunities. It will be enjoyable for both of you.
3. Asking a woman to pay for half is immature
I can immediately tell that a man is inexperienced if he does not understand the economics of dating and is a cheapskate. With more years behind me than ahead of me now, I do not have time to entertain inexperience. It is a hard pass for me when a man cannot foot the bill which I can afford on my own.
Conclusion
Men, just like the Italian restaurant I ordered from tonight, dating is a gamble. Having never eaten there, I did not know what to expect. I could have lost money. I could have gotten bad results, but I took a chance, and it was great.
Even if the date turns out not to be great, please keep in mind that a woman does not owe you sex in exchange for a meal. She does not owe you a relationship either. As mentioned before, she has already paid before showing up. It is a mutual exchange of time and energy, and resources.
Dating is an exercise that should be done in a comfortable, safe environment. In choosing the venue and paying the man is simply facilitating a meeting wherein he and a woman are bargaining their futures together.
Make sure the experience is worth every coin because happiness is priceless.
Do not negotiate the cost or quality of dates. Please do it for her and yourself.
Seize the day!
