12 Steps to a Society of Belonging:
Step 6: Admit you are ready to release the stories that assume who people are.
I remember the first time I saw Susan Boyle, she was a plain looking little Englander and I assumed her voice and performance would be plain as well. The moment she started to sing, I was shocked to see the voice of an angel coming from such a simple looking person. My assumption about Susan Boyle was my bias towards what a songstress looks like. Joe Biden had a similar experience when he realized how smart and articulate Obama is.
Making assumptions about situations is a evolutionary response to our volatile experience in the animal kingdom. However, we have applied these short cut assumptions (we had to make when we were in the food chain) to other people, who most times do not have the ability to cause the harm you assume.
Our institutional and structural bias has kept America segregated and makes it hard for people to have their assumptions challenges.
How do these stories (assumptions) help make sense of life? Do they help you feel safe? Do they really help or are they the baseline for confirmation bias that keeps you from fully enjoying other people? Do you make assumptions about neighborhoods you want to live in? Who are your closest friends, does it give you a chance to experience difference?
What you assume about other people is only your business. It shouldn’t matter to the strangers you place the assumption on, yet the outcomes of these assumptions have real results. Why are police so fearful of their lives when interacting with black men? Why are terrorists brown and lone gunmen are white? Is our assumption of who is trying to kill us creating a safer society?
The stories we tell about our world manifests to our reality, regardless if it’s true. Think of the stories some men have about women, sex and power. Why can men still get away with disparaging their accusers? Why is a woman’s sexual history important to her victimization? Wouldn’t we be better off if people who hold these assumptions work to acknowledge them and release them?
New eyes gives you a new world. It’s not up to people to prove your assumptions wrong, it’s up to you to be the person you want to be in the world. Ask yourself what are my assumptions based on? How are these stories serving you? What will change when you no longer believe the story? Where do you excuse behavior?
Changing the assumptions you have about people doesn’t mean you have to change your life, but it may end up enhancing your life in ways you could never imagine.
