Guest Post: POC Heal + Feel Night at City Pop Egleston
by: Elisanett Martinez, originally published on her website here.
“New website. New post.
As I continue to struggle with what type of content I should share on my site, I decided to start by sharing my experiences and adventures in the hopes that it would lead to new types of content.
Any how, not too long ago I had this belief that you should not speak unless you have something new to add to a conversation and for the longest time I struggled with producing content because let’s be honest, there is nothing new under the sun. I had nothing new to add to the conversation.
One afternoon I was having brunch at Canary Square in Jamaica Plain, with an old friend from high school, Adobuere. I vocalized to her that I had this need to create content but there was this internal struggle of feeling like I had nothing to add to any conversation. She gave me a quick gaze that clearly said, “Bitch you sound stupid,” and simply replied to me, “There is no one in the world like you, and the way you express your experiences could and will resonate with someone. And that is something that no one else can give”…. (or you know something like that). That shit stuck with me.
So without further ado here is what happen tonight Sunday November 27th, 2016:
Around 4:30 PM, I was watching Kill Bill Vol. 2 and doing a friend the favor of designing a gift certificate for his new restaurant that is opening in Lawrence, MA called Coco Ray’s. I was struggling with the design as a few years ago I bought a new laptop and lost access to Adobe InDesign which was installed on my computer by my Editor In Chief, Collin, back in the day when I was the Sports Editor for The Valencia Voice, (Rest in Peace Ken Carpenter).
So here I am, using power point, trying to figure out how to drop a shadow on text, when I get a text message from Adobuere, reminding me of an event she put together at City Pop Egleston called POC Heal and Feel Night.
I had forgotten about the event, even though my sister, Carola (really she’s my best friend but we’ve been friends since second grade, so yeah that’s my sister) continued to remind me of it throughout the Thanksgiving weekended.
Long story short, I finished the design, got dressed and headed into the city.
THANK GOODNESS.
Over the past few months I had been feeling numb…let me tell you why.
When you repeatedly see your people (as in Black people…. ) being murdered by the very people that are suppose to make your community safe (as in police…), you feel a dissonance. As a reasonable human being when you feel a dissonance your natural reaction is to try to find equilibrium, as harmony is what we seek.
But lets be honest, I was not and have not received harmony. Racism is alive and well as we all know …and the media is not going to give me the information I need for closure. What it will do is use these visuals to dehumanize my people. They will replay the murders, and even us the same techniques from sporting channels (entertainment) like instant replay and slow-mo to support their biased opinions of how a black man deserved to die because he had a broken tail light.
The US is more polarized than during the civil war, this country is deeply divided and my oppressors control everything around me. So instead of feeling scared, confused, or angry. I felt nothing.
As the weeks went by I would try to have in depth conversations with my “woke” friends but found that I was unable to articulate what I was feeling but I was also unable to process what was being expressed to me. Basically I was on overload, a brick wall.
Now imagine that already complex, passive aggressive feeling of oppression, and add the fucking blow of Donald Trump (who will from here on out but called He Who Shall Not Be Named) becoming our president elect…
I was ready to fill out the necessary forms to leave this country and I am not joking when I tell you that I thought long and hard about claiming my Dominican citizenship and bouncing out this mother fucker.
And then I attended tonight’s event. Let’s be honest, this event didn’t change my reality but what it did do….was allow me to feed off the hope that my people ( black people) were giving. A feeling that I had lost.
The event started with an hour session of Yoga (which I missed because living an hour away from the city is a serious fucking problem), followed by a meditation session and lastly open mic.
As I waited for the Yoga session to finish I started to speak with the other POC’s in the room and just got right to it… I mean it was like, “Hi, My name is Ellie? So what’s your experience with oppression been like?” I knew that they were feeling the same way I was…. I knew what they were going to say, as they were saying it but I just wanted to connect. I needed to not feel… numb.
The yoga ended and soon the meditation session began. Now I have meditated before and it did wonders for clearing my mind but it is a practice that I often drop and pick up at my times of need. And I so desperately needed a session tonight.
During the meditation, I was unable to clear my mind because I could not move past the discomfort from my body (this is why meditation is literally bomb dot com) it will tell you what your subconscious is fighting and why you do not have inner peace. Although I struggled with making it through the whole session, I was able to take one very clear message away… its time to take care of my body. It was so comforting to make this realization in a setting that was POC friendly because had it been at a regular meditation class I would have been thinking how I was the only POC in a room full of white soccer mom’s, instead of focusing on the self. I walked away from the session feeling inspired for a personal journey that is way over due.
Just when I was thinking that this event could not get any better, there was food. Yes bitch, food. I’m talking dominican food. Im talking about un moro de guandules, pollo guisado, con pastelitos de queso. Which was then followed by home made mini dulce de leche whoopee pies and mother fucking Yogi tea. Needless to say I was vulnerable as fuck at this point.
I then had the opportunity to meet and network with other artist and humanitarians that have the same vision as I. Which I found to be so helpful because having the skill in today’s world is no longer enough. Its about who you know. Networking is key.
The night ended with an open mic which was really a conversation about the election, racism and the fucking struggle. Some read poems… others sang what was in their heart and some shamelessly plugged their work…but it was a time for healing.
My base is to be a very loud and out spoken person but tonight I wanted to sit back and listen, something I literally had to fight my self to do, but I am so glad I did because it allowed me to understand. To connect.
That place of honesty and vulnerability lead to other conversations in my personal life that needed to be had, and I hope that I can hold on to this need to connect to my fellow POCs as long as possible.
This event taught me many things, the first is that we as black people have the power to heal ourselves. Secondly, it allowed me to look deep within myself in order to address pre existing needs and lastly it reminded me that black people are just dope AF.
If you read this post and can only remember on thing I hope its this, connect with your community. We have everything we need within ourselves. Tell the people that you love, that you love them, and take care of yourself. We are living in what will soon be the coming of the second civil war. Love and support is the only thing that will keep us sane.
Until next time my loves!
Besos,
Elisanett”
