Writing a reflection after tea time

Nobody becomes good at something without practicing it.

Hosting tea time is a deeply rewarding way to become a better listener, to ask questions that draw stories, and to find common ground between people or ideas that seem unrelated.

But nobody becomes good at something without practicing it. And if talking to people were all it took to become good at listening to them, asking questions, and finding common ground, well, we’d live in a very different world.

And there’s not quite a “gym” for this weirdly specific skill set — despite how unbelievably important it is for us to live in a world of positive assumptions and understanding attitudes.

Enter: Reflection.

What is a good reflection?

Reflection is noticing things. And sharing reflections helps everyone notice more things.

When you’re documenting your reflection — whether for yourself or to share with the Host Community — ask yourself 3 questions:

✍🏽What happened at tea time?

✍🏽How did you feel about what happened at tea time?

✍🏽Why did the tea time happen the way it did?

Think about these questions as soon as the tea time ends.

While you’re walking home, hold off on checking your Instagram for, like, 5 minutes. The world can wait.

Write while the heat is in you. The writer who postpones the recording of his thoughts uses an iron which has cooled to burn a hole with.

— Henry David Thoreau

Digging deeper

Mindful reflection can feel weird. Like, what exactly are you supposed to think about?

Tea time was great! The conversation flowed and it was fun!

It’s not dishonest. And it’s nice that the tea time was great! But that’s not quiiite a reflection.

These questions might help you get to something a little meatier (or fibrous, if you’re veggie like me):

• What time did people arrive?
• How did the conversation start?
• Were there phases to the conversation?
• How long did it take for people to “get deep”? Did that ever happen? What does it feel like when that happens?
• Who said what?
• Who didn’t say much?
• What questions led to what stories?
• Did people get to know each other?
• What was memorable about the tea time?
• How did everyone feel at the end of the conversation?
• What did you do to make the conversation what it was?
• What could you have done differently — before the tea time or during?
• What will you do now that it’s done?
• What did you hope for from the tea time? Did you get it?
• Can you do something now to give more meaning to the conversation — not just for you, but for the whole group? What about people outside of the group? Can sharing a story of this tea time create meaning for others?

Don’t just think on the obvious details. The in-between ones is where most of the best learning comes from.