Supporting the Difficult Student
Calling for Help
We have all heard phrases like “He/she is the worst kid in the school” or “I can’t stand them and that attitude of theirs.” These are my favorite comments to hear from an adult/educator.
Do we all have these students in our schools? Yes. However, every troubled student has a story, and has a life we may never compare to.
The educators that take on these difficult tasks to connect with that student have to make sure they are ready to learn about that student. Before you judge, you better listen first. Let’s dive in!
Don’t be Aggressive
Every student is different, so each game plan to connect with that student needs to be modified. If you want the student to slowly bring down their guard, you must be patient. Don’t expect to go in and be aggressive wanting them to listen to your demands during an incident.
Some suggestions:
- Get on their level, kneel down, ask if you can take a seat next to them, and be relaxed.
- Talk about something irrelevant. Maybe a TV show you watched, or something funny that happened, just to break the tension. They may say to themselves, “I’m not getting yelled at?” “ They aren’t talking about the incident?” Focus on getting them to talk about something, when the discussion starts and the student feels comfortable to open up, that’s your cue to discuss the incident or situation calmly.
- Instead of pointing the finger right away, ask questions. For example, I wouldn’t start with “Why did you hit that other student?” I might start off with “ Hey my friend, I see you’re dealing with a tough time, do you feel like talking about it?” This could possibly make them feel relieved that they are not getting yelled at as usual, instead someone who is interested in their feelings.
Build That Relationship
If you want the student to gain your trust, you need to make it a priority. Check in with that student everyday. Right before they enter the classroom, you will have a sense of what kind of day it’s going to be. During lunch or recess, and in the afternoon before the end of the day. Praise as much positivity, because unfortunately, they may not be hearing it throughout the day or at home. Tell them you are proud of them for having a good day. Give some examples you saw during the school hours. If the student hears you talk about these moments, they will start to acknowledge the relationship. Once the relationship or trust starts developing, find out things that the student likes (sports, music, video games, drawing, etc.) If they have a great day maybe surprise them with something, if they don’t give them an opportunity to earn it. The most important detail is that you’re consistent. The student will start to get comfortable with you, and that’s where the bond and healing begins.
Do Your Research
A majority of these students have something in their life they are coping, or struggling with. It can be a family issue, developmental issues, depression, anxiety, social problems, academic difficulties. The list goes on and on. Does the student have an IEP/504/behavior plan, etc.? Speaking to previous teachers, counselors, administration can help you determine what strategies you can use to develop a plan with other faculty members and stakeholders. Take notes, and find something you can connect with the student to lay the foundation of support. If we don’t know their needs or struggles, how can we plan for success?
I can be biased sometimes but these are the students I want to meet first! These students need support, love, restorative discipline and honestly just someone in their life who cares. These students have stories or scars some of us may have never experienced at their age. Who are we to judge when we can’t even walk in their shoes? Who are we to react without listening to them? It is our job as professionals, educators, and leaders to help one another so we can focus on the most important part of our job….Our students.
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