From Kindergarten Teacher to Parent: Ten Skills I Learned
Here are 10 lessons I learned as a kindergarten teacher that also apply to parenting a toddler.
1. Being consistent is key
If it comes down to an umbrella term with children, it’s consistency. It’s important to follow through with what you say or else children get mixed messages and will be confused.
In my classroom, I always followed through with what I said I would do. If this was not possible, I explained to them why that was the case. For example: “I know I said that we would read this book after our lesson, but looking at the time, we have to get ready for dismissal. How about we try again tomorrow?”
Children respond well to honesty and are always willing to negotiate. Same with my toddler. My husband and I are consistent in our parenting styles and don’t undermine each other. I’ve had many parent-teacher conferences that turned into ‘counseling sessions’ because parents were not on the same wavelength with topics, which was causing major confusion and unpredictability for their child.
Even though she can’t verbally speak to me, I still use the same approach with her like I did with my students. “I know you want to play with that toy, but it’s time to eat our food now. You can have it after you finish eating” and after she is finished, I give it to her.
2. Treat children as capable human beings.
I’ve seen many people undermine children by saying they can’t do something because they are too little, or don’t know what they are doing. This is not supportive at all in their development.
Each child has their own big idea and they express it differently. Children are not helpless individuals who always need you there to guide and support them. Children need to be seen as capable and independent human beings. For example, in my classroom I would have “free choice time” where they can go and play with their item of choice. I loved giving them room to go and do their own thing, and I would supervise as they worked through conflicts and problem-solved.
Same with my toddler. I watch from a distance as my little one explores and plays with her toys. I only interfere if I foresee any immediate danger. That’s when prevention comes to play and I make sure that I create an environment that is safe for her to explore.
Children need to have room to explore the world around them. They need to build on that innate curiosity and try things for themselves. As adults we need to facilitate their exploration, not hinder it.
For example, let’s say my toddler is playing with Legos and attempts to connect two parts together — her big idea is exploring objects and how they fit together.
I would leave her to explore the Legos independently. Then I would go over and model for her how to do this. And using language like: “Looks like you are trying to connect them together, here let me show you.”
It’s helpful to think “Oh, what big idea does my child have in mind now?” and “How can I help her express this idea?”. That’s their way of learning!
3. Language matters more than you think
I’ve always been a strong proponent for early literacy and language development. In my classroom, I would have a designated “reading corner” with age appropriate books.
I loved seeing children take the skills we learned in class, and in turn become confident in speaking in front of a group, as well as wanting to write words all by themselves.
The National Institute of Literacy report titled Developing Early Literacy: Report of the National Early Literacy, stated that “the foundational reading and writing skills that develop from birth to age five have a clear and consistently strong relationship with later conventional literacy skills (Early literacy, Scholastic)”. Thus, I made sure that children in my class had ample opportunity to grow confident in their language skills.
Same with my toddler, I have a designated reading library space at home. I make sure to expose her to books early. I also talk to her constantly, which is called “broadcasting” in early childhood education terms. This is when you narrate to your child about what you are doing or feeling, similar to a sports broadcasting event.
For example I would say “I see you want that sippy cup. Here let me grab it for you.” They still can hear you and as they get more verbal, they start associating words with actions.
4. Routines are necessary
As I’d like to say to families I have worked with, routines are so essential with children. Children need reassurance and consistency, which routines provide. In my classroom I spent the first few months establishing routines and classroom rules. This is needed before I teach academic subjects. Same with my toddler. I find that establishing a routine for her at an early age has helped her understand what comes next and follow a schedule.
For example, as early as 6 weeks we worked on positive sleep habits that became a solid foundation and helped her to become a great sleeper for when she is older.
Routine is helpful for children so that they can expect what comes next. Obviously in practice this may look different for everyone. Whether it is a set time schedule or a flexible schedule, a sort of schedule is helpful.
5. Children need boundaries
A quote from one of my professors that still speaks volumes to me to this day: “It’s the job of a child to test limits, whereas as adults it’s our job to set the limits.” This is so true, both as a teacher and as a parent.
Speaking of routines, I spent a good chunk of time going over the rules together as a class at the beginning of the year. You can’t teach effectively without having classroom management. If I am in the middle of a lesson and students are talking, I try to redirect them back to the lesson and point out positive behavior.
For example, if we would be sitting for “carpet time” and two students would be chatting, I would say “Wow, I love how so-and-so is sitting so nicely with her listening ears.” Immediately the behavior stops. And if it doesn’t, then I would be more direct to the children. If necessary, I would make sure to have a conversation with the whole class about our circle time rule.
Toddlers need rules just the same. They need predictability and to know what they can and cannot do. It’s their job to go out and test the limits. For example, they are curious and want to try to grab something that attracts their attention.
If I see that my toddler wants to grab mommy’s coffee, I tell her it’s not for her and give her something that she can have instead like her sippy cup. Of course it’s a lot more difficult to redirect a toddler than a kindergartener!
For those that have toddlers, you probably already know that when you say “no” it means “yes” to them. It circles back to being consistent with those limits that you set.
6. The strategy of behavior modeling
Modeling behavior is so important when it comes to children’s growth and development. Children are quick learners and pick up cues from people around them.
In my classroom I would constantly model to the children what I expected of them and show them how they can do it themselves. For example, I showed them how they should go and get scissors for an activity. I model to them how to walk to the scissor area, and show them how to pick up the scissors with the pointy side face down and walk back and sit at their desk quietly.
I do this with my toddler too, as I model for her how to hold her cup at meal time. I tell her you pick up the cup, put it on her lips and tilt your head when you drink.
Behavior modeling usually takes time and patience and you have to slow down and show them step-by-step how to do each task. Sometimes as adults our minds are running a mile a minute, so it’s important to remember to slow down when it comes to children.
We, as parents and educators are there to provide children with the tools that they need to become self-sufficient.
7. Social-emotional is just as important as academics
When you think about a child’s development, it’s not just about learning numbers and letters, but also their social and emotional development.
We need to develop the whole child. Being able to problem solve, be an independent thinker, being kind, managing emotions, working well with others, these are all important skills too.
I always made time to practice social and emotional management in my classroom. Role-playing (and modeling) is a great strategy for practicing social and emotional skills. I would use scenarios that I noticed and we would start a discussion in class and reenact the scenarios.
Children loved this as they became active proponents in their learning, as opposed to being passive and being told what to do. Cooperation and collaboration are also social and emotional learning (SEL) skills learned during group work.
As a toddler, they don’t quite comprehend the consequences of their actions. They are at the stage where they are exploring their world and testing out what their limits are.
There are still many ways that I foster an environment for SEL development at home. This is achieved through books, modeling (as mentioned above), as well as broadcasting when my toddler is feeling an emotion and acknowledging her feelings.
Academics are important, but SEL skills matter just as much. According to a report in the National Education Association, Neuroscience research, “demonstrates that emotion and cognition are inextricably linked; emotions are critical for all people to understand, organize and make connections between academic concepts.” (NEA).
SEL skills enhance academic learning. This can be seen when trying to solve a tough math problem for example. As a kindergartener, children are working through the problem (problem solving), asking for help if needed (social), reacting how they feel because it’s difficult (emotions) and not giving up and to keep trying (resiliency).
8. Children are never too young to learn a new language
Studies find that learning a second language has many benefits for children. Research from linguistic professors Barbara Lust and Suyin Yang at the Cornell Language Acquisition Lab (CLAL), found out that children are equipped from birth to learn a new language.
The younger the child is, the easier it is for them to learn a new language. This is because their brain compartmentalizes each language they learn when they are younger.
As an English teacher at a bilingual school, I saw this first hand with my kindergarten students who primarily spoke two or more languages at home. I had students in my class who NEVER spoke English at five years old and it is amazing how fast they picked it up with exposure.
That’s the key to second language learning is exposure — this can be through books, songs, videos, tapes, school, talking to family or others in another language. It needs to be consistent, too.
I am quadrilingual but I am raising my daughter to be trilingual. I started to speak to her in three languages as early as her being in the womb! I used the strategy of mixed languages when it comes to raising her trilingual.
However, there are others that I will talk about more in my next article on second language learning. This is a topic I am very passionate about as you can see!
9. Things will not go as you planned, and that’s okay
Countless times I had lessons prepared for my students and when it came to the day of the lesson, I had to adapt to their needs at that moment. I learned early on that you have to adapt to kids, they won’t adapt to you.
So I had to switch up my lesson in the classroom by following my students rhythm. This could mean making the lesson shorter to have some quiet time at the end, taking some time to talk about a certain issue that came up during recess, etc.
Same with my toddler. I tend to have all these great ideas that I see on Pinterest or that I envision that would be fun for us to do, but then other factors come into play like tiredness, not as interested, too young… so I have to adapt and meet her needs.
For example, I came across an idea to do finger painting with her. I bought the materials, I watched videos on how to do the activity. And when it came time to do it, all she wanted was to put her hand in her mouth.
So, I had to put my expectations of the activity aside and follow her lead. So I “painted” her hand with just plain water and let her express her idea of trying to lick the water.
10. If you let them, children will surprise you!
I think it’s so important to leave room for children to surprise you. By this I mean to not always have an agenda for the day or strict objective for an activity. Believe me, this can be hard especially if you are like me and like to have things to be a certain way.
My experience as a teacher has taught me to let the journey guide you, and not focus so much on the final product. In my classroom I would emphasize the work and the process as opposed to only caring for the final result.
This is the same with my toddler. I’ve embraced the journey with her — letting her guide the process while I stand on the sidelines. Both at home and in the classroom, children amaze me with what they can come up with. I always leave the process thinking “I would never have pictured that this would go like this”, like I did with the previous example of painting hands with water.
This opens room for you to grow and learn alongside your child — and focus on the important thing which is going through the process together.
