ADHD and Scrum part 2:
Tackling the wall of awful using Agile and Scrum.
Last week I wrote about how Scrum and Agile techniques helped me in understanding and managing my ADHD Symptoms and discussed the topic of Time blindness in ADHD. And while it did not get a million views or anything grand like that, I truly enjoyed the interactions and feedback I received from some of you. Thank you for that!
More to Share.
After the high of being able to publish my story last week and receiving the feedback, I felt something pulling on me in the back of the head. Is this all you have to share about ADHD? What about this symptom, or that symptom… so I decided to listen to the voice, who knows this might turn into a series :) Todays topic: The Wall of Awful.
Personally the Wall of Awful was the symptom I struggled with the most in my life when I did not know I had ADHD yet. It also had a great impact on my how I viewed myself as a person, thinking I was smart but extremely lazy, getting stressed out and I believe me not managing this symptom led to my burnout.
Sound bad… But what is it?
It is a concept that is very recognizable but on the other hand is also hard to explain to non ADHD, I asked Chat GPT to help me explain it, and after some prompts I found a great answer which only needed some small corrections: (always check your output people!)
The term “Wall of Awful” is often used in the ADHD community to describe the overwhelming feelings that can arise when faced with tasks or situations that seem daunting or insurmountable. It’s a metaphorical representation of the emotional barrier that can hinder individuals with ADHD from starting or completing tasks.
The Wall of Awful comprises several components:
Emotional Intensity: Tasks that seem mundane to others can evoke intense emotions for someone experiencing the Wall of Awful. This emotional response might include feelings of anxiety, frustration, or being overwhelmed.
Perceived Difficulty: Individuals facing the Wall of Awful often perceive tasks as exceptionally difficult or complex, even if they might not be objectively challenging. This perception can make starting or completing the task seem unachievable.
Procrastination Loop: The intense emotions and perceived difficulty lead to a procrastination loop. Procrastination becomes a coping mechanism to avoid facing the overwhelming feelings associated with the task, creating a cycle of delay and avoidance.
Negative Self-Talk: Individuals may engage in negative self-talk, doubting their abilities or feeling ashamed for not being able to tackle the task. This self-critical dialogue further contributes to the emotional burden.
Paralysis and Inaction: Ultimately, the Wall of Awful can lead to a state of paralysis, where individuals find themselves unable to start or progress on tasks, despite the negative emotions and thoughts surrounding them.
Facing the Wall of Awful can make it challenging to engage in work or tasks that others might find routine.
How did the Wall of Awful present itself in my life?
My Wall mostly was part in my work life, it mostly represented itself when important tasks got assigned to me. As a senior developer, I often found myself procrastinating tasks. Taking walks “to clear my head”, thinking I could not start until I had everything worked out in my head. Also I would distract myself with helping others. But mostly I found myself staring at my screen knowing what I want to do and just simply not being able to start.
This is where a lot of stigma about ADHD and ADD comes from, people thinking they are lazy, because they are just sitting there staring at a screen not doing anything. But a lot was happening on the inside, a gigantic internal guilt was building up, because you just need to start and not be lazy right?
This is how I got my burnout. The guilt that I felt of not doing my tasks kept me up at night, gnawed in my mind every day and ultimately cost me so much energy.. you get the picture.
How to deal with the Wall of Awful:
There are multiple ways of dealing with this wall. There is one that works without fail, it is something everyone with ADHD learns naturally, but sadly this is also extremely unhealthy: Get REAAAALLLY ANGRY and start!
Get so angry it, at yourself, at the situation, at the person asking you to do something, it does not matter what! The anger releases your Dopamine, letting you get started!
From anger to Hyperfocus to Shame
What follows is that 99% of the time you get into a hyperfocus. Finishing the multiple day task you had in your head within 2–4 hours! Finally getting that stupid, annoying, always present task out of your head and get it done!
But after you are done.. the realisations start creeping in, I did this task in just 2 hours.. I should have done this days ago.. Oh no in my anger I yelled at my partner or child.. what you are left with is shame and regret. Which will be the foundation for your next wall.
So how can we handle the Wall in a healthy and productive way?
Again Scrum and Agile mindsets to the rescue:
When learning about tips on how to manage this symptom I was reminded of Agile in a lot of ways, helping me understand and implement it for myself. Here are some ways to handle your wall in an Agile way:
- Break Down Tasks: break tasks into smaller, manageable chunks. Create a backlog and prioritize tasks to focus on what’s essential. This helps in addressing one small piece at a time, making it less overwhelming.
- Sprints and Timeboxing: Set specific periods for focused work on a particular task, allowing for breaks in between. This can help manage distractions and maintain concentration during designated work intervals.
- Adaptability and Flexibility: Agile emphasizes adaptability. For ADHD, this means being open to adjusting plans as needed. If a task seems insurmountable, being flexible enough to shift focus temporarily or reevaluate priorities can help avoid getting stuck.
- Regular Reviews and Retrospectives: take time to reflect on your progress. Celebrate achievements, analyze what worked well, and identify areas for improvement. This practice helps maintain motivation and allows for course correction
- Utilize Support Networks: Agile teams often rely on collaboration and support. Seek support from colleagues, mentors, or peers. Communicate challenges openly and consider seeking guidance or feedback when feeling overwhelmed.
- Be transparent: The power of the wall of awful is only as strong as you internalize it to be. At point 5, be transparent about your struggles to your support network. Let them help you negate the negative emotions.
- Last but not least, pair programming/body doubling: Can’t get started? pair up with someone, let them take the first steps of the task. Once the other starts, you are able to continue. Another way of doing this is a technique called body doubling. By simple asking someone to be in the room or near you when you want to start something, might help you get in the grove faster.
Timebox of one hour is up.
I hope you this finds you well and helps you or someone in your network with ADHD. See you all next week!
Extra resources will be added during the week:
https://www.adhdessentials.com/wp-content/uploads/5-Ways-to-Overcome-The-Wall-of-Awful.pdf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo08uS904Rg&ab_channel=HowtoADHD
