When to stop racking your brains ?
And ask for help to make real progress
The Big Ego
For the last 7 years, I always fixed a problem I was asked to solve at work.
It was my job to do so. But more than the money, the driving factor was my pompous ego. I wanted to perform. And so I always did.
Why didn’t I ever ask for help?
Because I was afraid people would think I am not smart enough. Asking for help would commensurate with admitting weakness and accepting defeat.
The conversation in my head would go like, ”If you ask for help, people will think you are dumb, or not diligent enough. I knew it, I am not cut out for this job.” Impostor syndrome sets in. Believe me, it’s World War 2 going on in your brain.
“It is not the brains that matter most, but that which guides them — the character, the heart, generous qualities, progressive ideas.”
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Until I gained a different perspective.
The Manager
Does your manager know everything? No.
What do they do when they don’t know something?
They ask other people. They connect you with an expert.
A manager’s goal is to get things done. Not to prove that she knows it all.
Can we learn something from this?
Asking for help
When I am tasked with a problem, I go all in, with my big ego. For me not able to solve any problem is tough to handle. It’s a big blow to my self-confidence.
But this Friday, I stopped taking my ego with me at work.
There was a problem I know nothing of, a stack I know nothing of. I was able to solve the problem but there was a minor snag in the fix which I just couldn’t fathom how to solve. Ideally, I would sweat it out till I find a fix or get disappointed(I would overcompensate and throw away my work-life balance in this process). This time though, I accepted this problem was beyond my expertise. I swallowed my ego and asked a colleague. Voila, the colleague solved it in 15 mins. Problem solved. Case closed. I can now spend time in solving a problem in my expertise and help the company in the process. I just saved myself from being inefficient.
When you are assigned a task, your job is to make progress. Period. No one cares how you make progress.
When to ask for help?
a. You are completely unaware about the problem
b. You made a mistake.
c. The problem is beyond your expertise, just like in this story.
How to ask for help?
a. Make sure you have tried all options you know of before asking for help.
b. Go with a list of options you have thought of that could give the solution. This way it can initiate a collaborative effort rather than being branded as a plea of help.
It took me 7 years to realize when to stop and ask for help. How many did it take you?
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