Alcohol Addiction
3 Things You Shouldn’t Do As A Recovering Alcoholic Parent?
A perspective from a son who has an alcoholic father.
I looked at my father with respect and pride, and then I started looking at him with anger and shame.
I first started to notice that my father drank alcohol when I was in 5th grade. Let me tell you, something about a traditional Indian household. Alcohol is strictly prohibited, especially in the house.
My father is a very, very hardworking man, and I will always respect him for that, at time when he was probably in his early 30s, I can actually realize now why he drank alcohol, but it didn’t bother us, coz he only drank once or twice a month.
But any product that has the slightest chance to make you addicted, will make you addicted either now or later.
His life got more stressful after getting his manager’s sales post. His workload increased immensely and so did his alcohol intake, as he was getting older, the once-a-month amount of alcohol became, once a week.
And After Covid when we were locked, it became thrice a day, when he had nothing to do but drink.
Living with him in those 2–3 years, and observing him as an adult, let me tell you three things you shouldn’t do because it will jeopardize your relationship with your kid.
- Lie
I know it’s a pretty common thing, but not doing the common things hurts your kid the most who sees their parents as an ideal.
My father came home drunk and then pretended he didn’t drink. Even the next day, when we asked why you drank, he completely denied that he ever did. Makes me stop believing in him on anything. Your kids are not stupid, they know everything.
When my father promised me that he wouldn’t drink, and later he came home drunk, that crushed my heart so many times that I can’t even count. If you know that you are in the stage of an uncontrollable addiction, please don’t make promises you can’t keep. I would rather want my parent to be honest about drinking than lying.
2. Better Vulnerable Than Pretentious Strong
After many fights at home, over his addiction, and me being really angry at him, one day he stopped and cried. And he cried loud, like letting all these years of frustration and rage out.
That day I realize that he wants to change, but he just can’t. That’s called being vulnerable. I don’t see my father with shame after that but more like someone I love who is in trouble and I gotta help him.
Letting your children know that you are trying your best but still failing is far far far better than pretending you got this and failing miserably.
And don’t be shame when you fail, coz it’s okay. That’s what your kid sees and learns that his parent tried and failed but didn’t lose, you tried again and again for your kids. That’s what I love about my father, he keeps trying and tells us when he failed. Involving your kids in the journey of your better self, is the best way to gain the bond, that you lost somewhere in the process.
3. Coming Home Drunk and Talk
I know from obvious experience that when people drink they talk more. But if you don’t know what you talked about, it’s better to talk when you get sober.
My father came home drunk and talked about all the negative, which made me super depressed. He talks about killing himself, if he doesn’t drink, or he used to say, I thought my kid would do better in my life, but I don’t know if you can.
I know these are pretty harsh words, and I know now he didn’t mean all that because he didn’t know what he said when he got sober. But it did break me mentally. I was also going through the phase of not knowing what I wanted to do in life.
Later, he patted my shoulder and said “Don’t worry, do whatever you want, I am with you”. Made me cry, coz I missed that dad who was always positive.
Now he has been sober for more than 45 days, making me happy that he is trying. And whoever thinks that their kid hates them, they don’t hate you, they want to see the self they saw when you were better.
So, Stay Sober For Loved Ones, Because they Miss the Real You
I hope it helps you somewhere in your journey and I wish all of you a healthy life. Keep your loved ones in mind, and stay positive.
