Abusive Clients: When and How to Turn Down Clients as a Freelancer
Don’t make the same mistake I did
How many times have you been asked ‘how do you get clients’? It’s a fair question, we all need to make money, and to those still stuck in the 9–5 grind who dream of running their own business, it can seem like an impossible task. But I bet that you’re not nearly as often asked ‘how do you choose clients’? Abusive, rude, and disrespectful clients put a strain on your working relationships, your personal relationships, and your mental health, and recently, I experienced this for myself…
To paraphrase Forrest Gump —
‘Clients are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get’
The biggest mistake 99% of clients make
Imagine you’re a marketing manager in some medium-sized company. You’ve been working there for three years and even though your manager is nice enough, you’re a little bored of being told what to do. When suddenly —
You’re entrusted with a big project of your own, and a budget to go with it. This is what you’ve been waiting for! There’s no one in the office to help though, so you turn to the pool of freelancers. You hire graphic designers to create a leaflet, videographers to shoot a promo, and writers to create the buzz.
You quickly become very aware that freelancers are relying on you to make the key decisions, they want to make you happy, and you are the one holding the wallet to their income. You come to one glorious conclusion — you are the boss now.
Allow me to correct you…
In the wise words of my self-employed mother, words that you should etch into your brain as a freelancer:
“A client is your customer, not your boss.”
If I go into a restaurant with a £50 note and decide which meal I’d like the chefs to make, that doesn’t suddenly make me the boss (fortunately for everyone else in the restaurant). The same thing goes with clothes shopping, or haircuts, or anything else where we pay a supplier to serve our needs. The cash-holder/decision-maker is the customer, and the cash-receiver is the supplier.
Most of the time it is a harmless assumption for clients to think they are the boss, merely a small ego boost for them before they learn to value the expertise and advice of us outsiders. But once in a while, it morphs into something far worse, and when it does, it’s time for you to get out as quickly as possible.
No matter how big and shiny a company may be, it doesn’t excuse rude and disrespectful behaviour from clients that allow their inflated sense of power to infect their attitude.
I should clarify that an abusive client does not make someone an abusive person, in fact, they are often very friendly and kind people outside of the client-supplier relationship. You might even have friends and family you’ve trusted since childhood who will transform into tyrants once they step into the role of the client (which is why friends and business don’t always mix).
I have been a freelancer for four years now, going from small-time videographer to running my own production company, with only the odd minor client issue along the way. Recently, however, I started to notice the telltale signs that I was working with an abusive client…
Signs that your client is abusive
There are several signs your client may be abusing their position, and it pays dividends to take note of them when they start to appear.
They start lying
Just like any relationship, once the trust is gone, it’s gone. We aren’t all confident in calling out people as liars, but in my experience, your gut is rarely wrong. Once you start to suspect a client is lying, it’s best to be on your guard. It always serves you well to keep a paper trail as well.
They try to assert their authority when things are going well
I remember a few years back when myself and a cameraman finished a hard day’s work and came into the production company’s head office smiling and relaxed, knowing we’d delivered the brief and then some. Rather than congratulate or thank us though, our point of contact instead decided to find ways to assert their authority and create an atmosphere of dejection. It’s obvious to most of us that this stems from a place of insecurity, but that doesn’t make it any more acceptable. If a client attempts to demoralise and criticise you in the moments of success, then they are not a client you want.
They constantly shift the line of professionalism
We’ve all had that friend who you had to warn your partner about — the one who is equally likely to share a laugh over a drink as they are to shout you down in the street. We can forgive our friends for this, but clients?
It’s impossible to work efficiently when you have to spend your workdays wondering if you are about to be lauded or lambasted. It takes its emotional toll as well; the nights before become anxiety-induced sleepless affairs. I always get nervous the night before a film shoot but never before had I felt anxious after a shoot, yet that is exactly what happened on a recent project. Following the shoot, every night for two weeks I dreamt of being back there and everything falling apart. It played on my mind for weeks after the shoot, not to mention my experience before and during, which sucked, but what was even worse, was that it wasn’t just me.
I have a very simple rule when it comes to film sets; I don’t mind taking the hit, as long as my team feels protected. I always believe that a good leader shoulders the blame and distributes the praise, so to learn of disrespectful conversations that my clients had had with my team when I was out of the room didn’t just fill me with anger, but also a deep sense of guilt of having let my team down. I am incredibly fortunate that my team had all worked with me time and again for years and didn’t blame me in the slightest, but still, the guilt remains.
If a client’s lack of professionalism causes problems for you and your team, then it’s best just to walk away.
They blame you for their own errors and do it publicly
I have no problem with clients (or anyone) making mistakes, I’m more than happy to work as hard as it takes to fix those errors if it gets the job done and puts minds at rest, but I sure as hell don’t like to then be blamed for the errors and taken to trial on the solutions.
Whether it’s malicious or genuine ignorance, throwing a freelancer under a bus to save your own skin as a client, is unacceptable, and beyond that, it’s naive. Frustratingly, they are unlikely to admit to it unless you have written proof (always keep a paper trail), and even once you stop working with them, it is a habit they are likely to inflict upon other freelancers, so try not to let it bother you. To be honest, unless it has serious repercussions, it is actually one of the more comical sides of freelance-client relationships…well, in the ‘I can’t actually believe what I’m hearing’ comical sense anyway.
They don’t respect boundaries
There are fewer things more frustrating than sending an email at 10am on a Tuesday, and getting a response via WhatsApp at 7pm on a Friday.
Just because you’re a freelancer, it doesn’t mean that your work hours are 5pm-9am, unless that’s stated somewhere in your agreement. There is some unwritten assumption by clients that it is ok to email tasks at the end of their working day and have them delivered by the next morning.
News flash: Freelancers have lives and families as well
The lesson here? Set your boundaries upfront, pull your client up any time they overstep the mark, and avoid giving personal details you don’t want to be accessed (use a second phone if you can afford it). There’s no denying it’s a difficult aspect to control; whilst I tried to set boundaries, I definitely could have done better at pulling them up on this and I really should have a work phone as I often have to pass on my phone number for organising logistics, because it feels so good when you do create those boundaries.
Don’t be a hypocrite though…if you expect to have your out-of-office hours respected, make sure you are doing the same for them and for other freelancers who work with you. This is something I have caught myself doing once or twice and it’s unfair to think it’s a one-way street — boundaries go both ways.
What to do
If you think you have an abusive client or one who may be heading that way, then there are two important steps to take, neither of which are easy, but both are important.
Firstly, communicate. Communicate as early as you can, as clearly as you can, and in as polite (yet firm) a way as you can. Poor communication is the foundation of almost every avoidable disaster, and relationships can be saved by simply communicating your concerns.
If communication fails, or the situation is so bad you don’t even want to bother trying, then you have to walk away.
But what about the money?
It’s been a tough year for many of us freelancers out there, and I know it’s not always as easy as ‘just walk away’, but as soon as you feel ready to, do it. Life is too short.
Besides, in my experience, the most abusive clients also end up being the ones who take up the most amount of time, which has the negative effect of both eating up time that could be spent collaborating with clients you enjoy working with, and effectively reducing your paycheck as they demand more and more without paying more and more.
At the end of the day, you didn’t start your own business to live by somebody else’s rules, you did it to live by your own. And remember, there are great, kind, considerate, and passionate clients out there who will treat you with respect. They are the ones to hold onto.
