Be Wary of Who You Associate Yourself With.

It might spell fortune or doom

Photo by Mario Purisic on Unsplash

This month I have decided to re-read some of my all-time favourite books, one of which certainly is Robert Greene’s “The 48 Laws of Power.”

Going through the chapters, a few days ago I finished one of the most unsettling and controversial chapters of the books, at least for me personally:

Law 10. “Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky.”

Now, why do I think this chapter is controversial? First of all, being an emphatic person I tend to enmesh myself in the world of another. When I see a person in pain I want to ease his pain; when I see that someone is suffering, I want to reduce his or her suffering. Yet, sometimes it is hard to accept the fact that:

a) the suffering of another is not necessarily your fault;

b) not everyone can (or should) be helped.

As harsh and terrible as it might seem, I will soon explain why I believe these points to be true. If you disagree, please leave a comment expressing your perspective on the subject in the comment section.

Enter the world of Robert Greene

Having read almost all of Robert’s books, I have a feeling that he is quite a misunderstood author. Even if a person writes about power, seduction, or warfare, it doesn’t necessarily make him a better person. Maybe he is just trying to inform us — the underdogs —about the workings of people and their possible malevolence.

Rest assured, not all people on this planet are good in nature, and not everyone is working for a broader societal good.

Some people are simply selfish, hostile, and rotten to the core.

Photo by Maria Teneva on Unsplash

With that being said, Robert Greene advises us to distinguish between two important categories of people:

“Those misfortunate among us who have been brought down by circumstances beyond their control deserve all the help and sympathy we can give them. But there are others who are not born to misfortune or unhappiness, but who draw it upon themselves by their destructive actions and unsettling effect on others.”

How many of us have fallen prey to people who fake a need for help or assistance? Those who elicit sympathy for the “wrongs” which have befallen them, hiding perfectly well that they themselves welcomed these misfortunes into their lives in order to be dealt a better hand to play against the naïveté of those who will believe their stories?

I was this sucker once, and I am quite certain that you have been one as well at one point or another.

Nonetheless, this taught me an invaluable lesson: stop listening to the words of others and observe their actions instead. Nothing speaks louder than deeds.

How to recognize an infector?

According to Robert Greene, there are subtle cues and hints that can give away a person’s true intentions or motives. As said by the author:

“The answer lies in judging people on the effects they have on the world and not on the reasons they give for their problems.”

People who like to perpetuate in their own sorrows and enjoy passing them on to other people are often referred to as infectors. In the words of Robert:

“Infectors can be recognized by the misfortune they draw on themselves, their turbulent past, their long line of broken relationships, their unstable careers, and the very force of their character, which sweeps you up and makes you lose your reason. Be forewarned by these signs of an infector; learn to see the discontent in their eye. Most important of all, do not take pity. (…) The infector will remain unchanged, but you will be unhinged.”

That is why it is best to steer clear of the confusion that these people stir, and associate yourself with those who truly wish you well and want your and their best qualities to shine forth. As mentioned by Robert Greene in the last sentence of the chapter: “Ignore this law at your peril.”

Photo by Martin Zaenkert on Unsplash

The people with whom you should acquaint yourself with

Fortunately, not all human beings are as ill-willed or malicious as the infector types. There are plenty of people who are decent, good-natured, cheerful, naturally buoyant and intelligent in all the best ways possible. Best to associate yourself with such individuals and to absorb their positive qualities instead of getting dragged down to the bottom of those who love misery.

“Never associate with those who share your defects — they will reinforce everything that holds you back. Only create associations with positive affinities. Make this a rule of life and you will benefit more than from all the therapy in the world.”

It is said, you are the average of the 5 people with whom you spend most of your time. Be careful of who these 5 people will be.

Also, it’d be wise to consider if you know what type of friendships are there and too which category do you and your friends fall into.

Do you consider yourself to be a true friend?

As 2023 is approaching steadily, I doubt that there is a better time to reevaluate your relationships than the last days of December.

Who would you like to spend more time with in 2023? What qualities of those people do you admire? Are there any relationships that you ought to cut short? Who would you surround yourself with if you had the choice?

Comment and let me know! Also, if you enjoyed the article, leave a clap, it helps greatly with Medium’s algorithm. Peace, be well and surround yourselves only with those who are wishing you all the best, now and forever.

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