Birthing a Xenomorph

Or, what most people call Writing

One of my most visceral childhood memories is seeing the birth of a Xenomorph for the first time. Why wouldn’t it be? Alien still remains one of the prime examples of space horror whose feel remains unreplicated.

The Xenomorph is a hideous thing. Source: Created by the author using generative AI. The author assumes responsibility for the copyright of this image

This highly aggressive, hideous, parasitic alien has more creepy attributes:

1. Acid blood ✅
2. Segmented blade-like tails ✅
3. Skull-smashing jaws ✅
4. Vicious hunter ✅
5. Gross birthing process ✅

That last bit, though.

You see, Xenomorph babies need to be incubated on living hosts to be born.

So imagine this.

You are going for a quick stroll at dusk on Hiveworld, humming a little tune to yourself, when you stumble over something. ‘What’s that?’ Those are the last inane words from your mouth before the hidden Xenomorph rises from the ground and impales you.

You are taken to the hive which you notice (still alive and impaled) is full of alien eggs that begin to wiggle. Odd, you think, before they unfurl and latch on to your face.

Congratulations on helping with stage 2 of Xenomorph birth — the Facehugger. Cute name. Sure, alien eggs are getting implanted inside you but it's all for a good cause. A little Xeno baby begins to grow inside you, draining your life. And then one day, this alien cutie-patootie is ready to emerge.

You are now a participant in stage 3 of the birth — the Chestburster. The naming scientists got it right this time. As the name implies, a little Xenomorph baby bursts open your chest to emerge into the world.

Why am I making you imagine all this?

Just so I can say this: Writing to me often feels like birthing a Xenomorph.

• The ideas are the eggs.
• When I start putting the words, they become Facehuggers, sucking my energy and ideas.
• When it’s finally over, the thing emerges like a Chestburster and slithers out into the wild. Phew!

The only difference — I tend to live to do it all over again.

Why, though?

Writing as an addiction

I thought I was God’s own drug addict. And if God hadn’t meant for me to get high he wouldn’t have made being high so much, like, perfect.

Now, I know I got one more high left in me but I doubt very seriously if I have one more recovery.

- Walon, The Wire

Addiction, as an idea, has always been something I’ve been captivated by. For one, some of my favorite movies, music, and books were created by addicts (correlation, not causation). I am not glorifying it. It sucks.

But, I get it. Most of us are addicted to something (sometimes clinically):

• High-performing CEOs who just can’t stop
• That friend who just needs to party every week with booze.
• The gamer who spends hours in a dark room.

Sex, religion, food, money, adrenaline, sports, etc. etc.

No, I am not going to list my addictions here except to wonder if writing is an addiction for me.

The days I do not write, I feel more tired and the world looks more grey. The longer the gap is, the more gloomy things become.

I have the compulsion to put thoughts on paper — digital notepads, physical notebooks, tweets, whiteboards, online comments, elaborate to-do lists, reviews, etc. Are a lot of it crap? Absolutely. But the egg’s got to get laid so as not to fester inside me.

Highs and Lows

Writing dis-regulates my emotions.

I am a whiny, insecure child one day and an annoying narcissistic pig on another. I mean, I hit the median too.

Real quotes from me on different days:

“I spent an entire hour and just wrote 100 words of tripe! Why do I even bother”

“I just wrote the perfect 800 words ever written”

“I think I forgot how to write”

“I could write a bestseller”

“I should stop polluting the world with more words when it is no good”

It’s never as terrible or as good, as evidenced by my reader number one (my wife).

And this is just the writing part.

Once the Xenomorph is out into the world, the validation I get (or the lack of it) has the power to affect me for hours, days, weeks, and sometimes even months.

I ranted about this back in 2017. It’s here if you want to read but a brief snippet:

I had always been fairly even-keeled when it came to my moods and did not usually suffer through highs and lows very frequently…..On average, I used to be happy or lukewarm.

But when I started writing, it all changed. One day it is sunshine and blue skies and the next day it is thunderstorms and brooding darkness. I often range between questioning my credibility to even writing a word to thinking that someday I would author a bestseller. I am always only as good as the last sentence I write.

If you’re more visually minded, here’s a chart I crated to show the journey of highs and lows I go through every time I write:

Created by the Author.

Enough with the drama

Emergency service work is a hard job. So is working in a factory. Being a miner is hard. A therapist who has to see the depths of human suffering is doing a hard thing. Investigative journalism and theoretical physics are both hard in their way.

But writing. Writing’s easy.

You sit and you type. That’s it. You can make yourself a nice coffee, find a good, comfortable space, and just sit and type.

Sure, you have to fight your demons. And maybe get cozy with the dark inner alleyways of your brain. But it’s an easy job.

You don’t have to take my word for it. Instead, I present to you the wizard of words, Terry Pratchett:

Writing is a really easy job. All the words have been invented and all you have to do is put them in order. — Snuff

Again, from the same book:

“How hard can writing be? After all, most of the words are going to be ‘and,’ ‘the,’ and ‘I,’ and ‘it,’ and so on, and there’s a huge number to choose from, so a lot of the work has been done for you.”

Writing is another job. While the muse is acting like a diva, you might as well sit at your desk and start typing. Because, at the end of the day writing is just sitting at the desk and typing.

I will close this by invoking the author who is my single biggest inspiration — Stephen King.

Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work. — On Writing, Stephen King

All you have to do is sit at your desk every day and…bleed a little.