The Misleading Friendship Advice Trend You Shouldn’t Take Into 2023

Change the way you view communication in friendships and make it more natural

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

One of the most misleading trends of 2022 (mainly on Instagram and TikTok), which also proved to be the worst friendship advice I have seen people jump on to, is this:

“If your friend doesn’t check up on you, that means they don’t care, and you should cut them out of your life.”

First up, this sounds cool; communication is essential. But the attitude around this advice is garbage. It was made by hurt people and resembled quite a lot of emotional immaturity flying around in our generation.

People are busy, stressed, and overstimulated.

We live in the most competitive, distracted, and mentally draining period ever. Most people are barely getting by. The global economy is crumbling, which makes small talk, and chit-chat a luxury very few can afford.

For some, the little time they get after work, they dread touching their phone. They want to chill ALONE. And as it so happens, they forget about you.

It could also mean they don’t care — we can’t rule that out. But it would be very foolish and dangerous for you to quickly conclude that reduced communication and lack of care are the same.

I can promise you that you will come out on the other end lonelier if you believe you are entitled to be checked up on every time.

The flip side is that if you think everyone should check up on you as you wish, you are narcissistic, selfish, and incapable of empathy. Always thinking you deserve more without questioning what the other person has to give.

What is the way forward?

Adjust your attitude and trim your ego.

Understand that relationships are transitory. People can be close now and distant tomorrow, depending on what they are going through.

You should take stock of your relationships right now. Develop a list of friendships and relationships you want to keep and why they are essential.

• Who can you count on, and who are you responsible for?
• Who do you look up to?
• Do you have any hitters you can call when shit hits the fan?
• Who do you enjoy talking to, and what benefit do you offer them?

Keep that and those people at the back of your mind, then nurse your relationships with them. The list can even extend to professional relationships as well.

You will notice that there are people who you can always count on to help you, even if you go for long spells without talking to them. Likewise, there are people you can always chat with after two months, yet it feels like you were together just yesterday.

The point? The best relationships are the ones that flow free of entitlement but are aware of responsibilities.

Use these Zen Buddhism teachings instead

For the naive man, waters are waters, and mountains are mountains. To the intermediate student, mountains are no longer mountains, and everything dissolves. But for the fully perfected student, mountains are again mountains, and waters are again waters.

The little passage above means you shouldn’t take only things at face value. As you try to understand what you see, you are likely to form a misguided opinion, but once you know it’s not about you, you will start seeing things as they are.

Alan Watts says, “Don’t force anything. Cut the wood where it’s most likely to be cut, and interact with people along the most genial lines.”

Translation: Break the illusion that frequency of communication and depth are the same. Go with the flow. If you want to text someone, text them. If they don’t contact you, then don’t assume anything.

In other words: Don’t force interactions because you were made to believe that a daily good morning text is the gold standard for communication. Of course, a text every morning would be lovely to wake up to, but it is meaningless if done only as a performance.

There are many reasons someone wouldn’t keep tabs on you as a friend, and you should accept them as they are.

• People are busy.
• People change.
• And some are suffering in silence.
• And sometimes, you might not mean anything to them in that phase of life.

The critical thing for you is appreciating the ecology of your relationships. Please don’t rush to cut down the whole forest because the flowers didn’t bloom when you expected them to.

Be smart about your relationships. Step away; maybe you need to be the one to reach out and understand what’s going on in your friends’ lives. Be the listener. Are you too busy for that? Good, then they are too busy as well. Life must go on.

Happy new year.

Till next time.

Peace!