We give up too soon, too easy, acting too careless. Soon, when things start getting smooth, we turn down our commitment — promise — hope. This phase, at the bottom, is only meant to tell us — there is no further down. We won’t lose if we stick to our promise.
How long do we live? 60, 80 or say 100 years. How many promises we make to ourself and how many do we fulfil? If we look back and find the number of times we made a commitment to number of times we gave up — is almost 100%.
People who succeed do one thing different from all the people who fail. They stick to 1 / 100000 commitments they make in their life time. Successful people are also not — angels . But they held on to fulfilling minimum one commitment that gave them wings.
We got to fulfil our promises, not all of them. But 1, that seems to solve most of our problems.
After holding on to it, things will get difficult, tough, tiresome, boring and hard on nerves. But on these tought times — when you want to give up on your promise, do not give up. This will be the deciding moment of your life.
Here, on the deciding pivot point, you will either embark on a journey to never ending successes — or you can give up to — same old boring routine. And after the boring routine, you will be asking yourself why did you give up, why world falls heavy on you, why you are being treated unjustly. And Soon, under the rubble, things will make you take your next start from Zero.
Today, it will be a reflection on my own journey. — How do I try to show up and try not falling back to Zero.
What kind of promises do I make ?
I am a tech person. Developer to be specific. I feel developers are scientists, shaping this world every minute. So, it feels good to call myself a developer and be proud of it.
I resort to bigger promises;
- What I am going to do for this complete year.
- What beliefs are unwavering and I can not compromise on them.
- Why I should show up even when people do not give me respect.
I make my promises not with other people, but with myself. I know, I can’t fulfil promises made to others, because usually I misread people. And end up hurting them. So I resort to avoiding promises being made with people —instead, I make them to keep myself accountable.
We can not let anybody else hold the steering of our life. When we make promises with others, we in fact, let others steer our life. So — My formula is
Do not make promises with others. Make 1 with yourself. Monitor your progress. And be your own judge.
How do I try to fix my run (after I fail to show up to a self-made promise) ?
Still — when I have given a blow to self made promise, I have a guilt — some regret — a feel of inferiority — heavy on my chest. It is hard to manage. I hurt people, I reach them, I get angry, I spoil the fun — is tough on me.
In these hard times, I find methods I can get back to fixing the broken strands of my relationships. I reach them back, invite them over, ask them for help, prove — I am willing to walk once again.
I never say “I am sorry” — or “It was my fault” — or “it should not have happened”. I usually never bow my head down to fix the broken promise.
In the chaos, noise, hooters and fight — people are so lost in their lives — they do not need a sorry. They need a helping hand, who can listen to them, and condole them. No sorry does a fix — unless you show up first, hold hand, pull your fella out of trouble, and hug him. Here, this way, stupid words of the likes of Sorry, does not carry any meaning.
Show it in your actions. You know what exactly you broke — fix it by acting sorry instead of saying sorry.
It is as in old sayings, “Actions speak louder than words”.
When was the last time I gave up ?
It was nearly 2 months back — I got tired fixing the threads. In a 200 days streak of making a small charity website — I got tired. People did not show up, I made a bogus platform, broken links and bad logics. In short — the website did not work.
I halted, thinking, I wanted to review my journey — my effort and find another method to making it work.
In the noise, I swept away. 30 days without any article written, and nearly no phone calls, alone in the woods; I only went further down. I nearly collapsed with an intent of never getting back up on my feet.
In the pit, the bottom of the well, sitting in darkness — I cherished the days of hustling, making and launching products. Bad may be, but I was showing up every day to get a tiny step closer to my destination.
So — I came back home, fixed our first meetup. Got back to writing an article daily. Pushed invites for the meetup. Rehearsals, fliers, phone calls and morning developers classes. Things came back — in a click — when I managed to understand, “giving up is not the solution to reaching my podium of success”.
Conclusion
I am very choosy on making friends. So choosy, I have only those who lift me — when I am sitting with them. Under 5 people at the moment.
But when — in chaos — these people, I so much love and trust — give up on me, or act undisciplined, or let me down, it feels bad. All the good promises made, start seeming bogus. And all things we shared in the past, go down the same crap hole — most bad things I throw into.
You can not give up on your friends. You can act angry. You can say bad words. You can show like you are giving up — but you do not at any cost, give up on the promises made with the closest of your friends.
It is a baseline rule — to find friends who are true to you. All other people are here to watch you die / lose / fail. But true friends are here to lift you up, make you believe in yourself, hold your hand and steer you into the light.
Thanks for the read.
