Expectations
The ingredient to everlasting happiness
Hamza has a flight for 3pm from Karachi to Dubai. On the way to the airport, he expects the airport to be crowded, each queue with an average of 10 people, and he foresees an hour long wait time before he gets to the departure lounge.
Charles is flying from New York to Denver. As he thinks about the journey ahead, he expects the airport to be empty as the hour hand on his watch nearly touches 4am. He believes there will be a maximum of 3 people waiting in each queue and he foresees a maximum of 15 minutes wait time before he gets to his VIP lounge and enjoys his buffet meal before his flight.
When both of them get to the airport, they see that the queue lines are filled with an average of five people. What do you think happens to both men internally?
Hamza had meagre expectations whereas Charles had expectations that were quite substantial. Hence, Charles probably got antsy at the airport and Hamza had sensations bordering towards delight and joy. That is the power of expectations.
When all was said and done, Hamza enjoyed his economy-class departure lounge experience with immense pleasure. Charles, on the other hand, mumbled @#$%# under his breath while he was served his chicken cordon blue in his VIP lounge — which turned out to be à la carte much to anyone’s delight.
Charles cursed his luck whereas Hamza counted his lucky stars. We might suddenly become objective here and express how three people in a waiting line would be delightful to anybody’s travel plans. However, we do this on an everyday basis and throughout our lives.
We are brainwashed through social media, television and even our relationships to think that the only good way to live is to be immensely successful, rich, influential and famous. Social media platforms like LinkedIn makes us feel like we’re failing in life, as we scroll through job updates after job updates of our connections. Instagram makes us feel as if the only good life is the one lived in the Bahamas under the rainbows, the only good cars to drive are Ferraris and Lamborghinis, and that making millions is the only way to be successful and rich.
Expectation is the root of all heartache — Shakespeare.
The end result: sadness and disappointment. We wake up feeling cranky at our failed lives, which becomes the summation of our achievements and productivity. We compare ourselves with our “successful peers”. We riddle ourselves with negative self-talk and self criticism. We become our very own worst enemies. We devoid ourselves of any hint of compassion.
As a generation, we think that hard work and happiness come from high expectations. If we have these high-tier expectations then they will drive us to accomplish great things. It is one thing to be confident and faithful. However, things like the law of attraction are muddling our logic. We are becoming dependent on our expectations, deriving our joy and success solely from matching up to these disastrous expectations. Peace of mind and a sense of well-being that comes from gratitude is a thing of the past. Hustle. Grind. Work till you drop. That’s the lingo of the modern age.
I am not saying that you shouldn’t work hard. Working hard at your job or passion is absolutely great and can add to feelings of purpose and fulfillment. However, having high expectations whilst you do all these things can lead you to become part of the ‘Charles Culture’, CC in short.
The secret to happiness is low expectations — Barry Shwartz, American Psychologist.
Once you train yourself to go through life without lofty expectations, you will feel joy and gratitude at the same achievements that you would otherwise take for granted. People with a CC mindset get warped into the rat race fairly easily and before long, their joy and happiness keeps lingering towards the next big achievement. That is a recipe for destruction.
So before you go ahead with your unusually long list of plans for a great year and life, tell yourself to tone it down just a little bit. See whether you can find happiness without the heavy toll of sky-high expectations. For all you know, with lower expectations, you’ll be cooking up the entrée towards your own well-being, fulfillment and happiness.
Even then, if you have this need for only aiming for the top of the hill, then do so by having high expectations for your efforts rather than results. It’s very easy to confuse the two. People believe in having high expectations in order to motivate them to work harder. However, if you can manage to upgrade the benchmark that you have set for yourself — in terms of how much work and contribution you’re going to make— then you won’t need to think of the fancy cars, the fame and the money to stay motivated. Make life an internal journey rather than being victim to your external affairs. Focus on the effort and not the destination. Find love and joy in the journey. It will do wonders for you and your well-being.
