So, there’s not much on your résumé, but you’re a TEDx speaker?

It’s scary being a speaker.

There are millions of amazing people out there, and I’m far from their status. Then why am I about to make a presentation in front of an audience of 100 people, and then afterwards have my presentation uploaded on YouTube for an infinite number of more people to watch?

That was my thought right as I was about to step on stage for TEDxTohokuUniversity, which was held on April 2nd. Yes, that’s right. I was about to step on stage as a speaker.

My thoughts at that moment:
Am I even allowed to speak here? Am I worthy of becoming a TEDx speaker? What if the people in the audience shoot a glance at me like “What is this girl doing here?” Aaaaah.

I’m no entrepreneur. I haven’t received any awards, nor am I any celebrity. It hasn’t been long since I started working. I may have done a few more activities than other students during university, but that’s about it. I’m far from the definition of an “amazing person” in society. — I kept having such thoughts in my head as I tried to write up my script.

But I have confidence in myself for two things: that I am pursuing my dream, and that I am genuinely happy with myself.

I haven’t made any big achievements, but that is not my aim. I just want to realize my dream, however big or small the scale may be. And I am currently able to pursue my dream thanks to the people who have been supporting me all throughout. This is why I am happy with my current self and life.

Which is when I thought: “Yes, this is what my talk will be about.”

As a speaker, I realized the following:

You are not “amazing” just because you’ve been selected a speaker.
You do not become “amazing” after becoming a speaker, either.

What’s “amazing” is the fact that someone had been watching your activities and have heard your message, and that someone who shared the same feelings as you happened to connect you to a TEDx staff member, who let you speak at their event.
What’s amazing at the core is the strong message that had been constantly shared with others, which at some point someone noticed and believed in as well.

Even if you’re a “nobody”, you can be confident in yourself and believe in the cause you work for, and become a “somebody” on stage.

TEDx speakers have forever been my role models. As a TEDx staff, I had always been watching the speakers from behind the stage, thinking to myself, “These people are so passionate about what they’re doing, and they’re achieving many things through their activities.” — They were whom I looked up to with great respect, but I have never imagined I would be up on stage with them.

But the TEDx speakers are just like one of us. What makes them stand out is their strong will to bring their passion into action, and to reach out to others as a team. Just as the TED principle says, it’s their ideas worth spreading that attract the limelight onto them.

Of course, as a speaker, it’s important to inspire others by sharing stories of your past achievements. At the same time, I believe it’s just as important to speak about the future you wish to realize, and to share the passion with others so that they can pursue that ideal future together with you.

After the event, many students came up to me, telling me how they felt encouraged by my presentation, how they wish to start new activities in their university years. Hearing these words from them made me feel relieved — relieved to know that my message has reached them.

I don’t intend to become “amazing”.
There are millions of role models whom I respect and whom I wish to become, but I also know that there is a limit to how much I can contribute. Even if I can’t become one of them, if there is someone who shares the same dream as me, or who wishes to realize the same dream in a different way, then that in itself would be a dream come true for me.

And as for myself — I hope to become “amazing” in my own standards, which is to have enough self confidence to cultivate self pride in what I believe in.

At the moment, though, I can say with confidence that I am happy. I feel blessed to be able to pursue my ideal work style, and to be supported by my dear friends. All of which have become possible because of a dream I wish to pursue.

My TEDx talk will eventually be available on YouTube, so once that is ready, I will either update this entry or write a separate entry with the video :)

Originally published at tabilogue.wordpress.com on April 10, 2017.