Positive Parenting
Written by Allysa Moore
No two kids are the same, which means different kids need different parenting styles in order to flourish in the best way possible. Learning about the different styles of parenting and how they can impact kids and teens could be very beneficial to their development. There are four different types of parenting styles; authoritarian, permissive, neglectful/uninvolved, and authoritative which should not be confused with authoritarian. While no kid is the same as the next, authoritative parenting is the best parenting style in raising happy, healthy, productive kids.
In The Developmental Psychology at Vanderbilt, underneath the blog titled “Types of Parenting and Identifying Yours”, Emily Hughes characterizes authoritarian parents as demanding but not responsive, allowing little open dialogue between parent and child and expecting children to follow a strict set of rules and expectations. Parents who use this parenting style usually rely on punishment to demand obedience or teach a lesson, their rules are usually not explained and also non-negotiable. The long term effects of this parenting style are extreme, positive and negative. Some argue kids affected by authoritarian parenting tend to have low self esteem because they feel as though they aren’t heard and are punished when they don’t hit the mark, while others say they have better confidence because they are used to meeting and overcoming challenges and are familiar with the feeling of achievement. Other negative effects could be insecurity, behavioral problems, poor social skills, lack of self discipline and more. But some positive possible outcomes include the desire to do right, goal oriented, and the want to obey. Several of the possible negative outcomes are the direct opposite of some of the positive outcomes, this is because not every kid with authoritarian parents is guaranteed to have certain outcomes, it all depends on the kid.
Another type of parenting is permissive parenting. Permissive parenting is parenting with few rules, little discipline, and a lack of structure. The relationship consists of the parent complying with the child’s wishes. Permissive parents are said to “act more as a friend than a parent”. While authoritarian parents use force, punishment and discipline to get the desired results from their kids, permissive parents, if they enforce any rules at all, often use bribery to do so. Without disciplinary actions or structure in children’s’ lives, it would be expected for them to grow up and lack (time) management skills, make poor decisions as they grow up without any consequence for poor decision making, and have low achievement. Kids often seen as “self-centered” or “spoiled” often have permissive parents. Establishing internal happiness within kids like this is very difficult and leads to setting them up for disappointment in adulthood. If they continually believe happiness is achieved through receiving things, like toys, food, etc. then he or she will never know the feeling of pure joy which comes from achievement, relationships and intangible things.
Neglectful or uninvolved parenting also ends poorly for families, similarly to permissive parenting. This parenting style is described as parents ignoring their kids to various degrees and providing only the bare minimum like food, shelter and clothing. In What is Uninvolved Parenting? By the verywellmind, Kendra Cherry characterizes neglectful and uninvolved parents as “emotionally distant from their children, offering little to no supervision, showing little affection and love to their kids, few or no expectations of their kids and their behavior, not attending their kids’ events, intentionally avoiding their kids, and being overwhelmed with their own problems to deal with their children.” Growing up without the necessary love and affection from parents can have varying results depending on the kid. Some kids may act out in efforts to get their parents attention while others may move in silence. However, more than often kids with neglectful parents perform poorly in school and have trouble in relationships. With no support or encouragement from either parent academically, there is no stimulation in the child to want to achieve. And as for struggling with relationships, if the people who were there since they were born don’t act like they care about the child, why would he believe anyone else would? This is where trust issues are instilled in the children of uninvolved parents. This parenting style is said to be the worst of them all, it really doesn’t matter how a child is behaving or what they’re like, neglecting them is one of the worst things to be done for them.
Finally, the last parenting style to be discussed, authoritative parenting. Authoritative parenting is similar, but should not be confused with, authoritarian as parents have rules and guidelines set for their kids, however this style is more democratic and parents are more receptive to their children’s emotions, wants and needs. It is clear that parents have goals set for their kids and have high expectations but provide love and affection at the same time, unlike permissive, uninvolved and more or less authoritarian parents. Teens raised in authoritative homes grow up to be content, intelligent and healthy mentally while also being productive, self starters. This style is said to be the most beneficial to kids because the “reasonable demands and high responsiveness” agreement leave both parties satisfied.
While different kids need different ways of parenting, authoritative parents raise young happy, independent, social and cooperative kids who grow up to be happy, intelligent, mentally healthy adults with high self esteem and low violent tendencies. It has the perfect balance of goal setting and discipline from the authoritarian style mixed with the love and affection from permissive parenting and not parts on uninvolved parenting. Kids must feel comfortable in their own homes talking to their parents in order to be as successful as possible, an open line of communication with guidance and consequences is necessary also.
