Asexuality ≠ Aromantic
Molly comes across as a shy, but very considerate person. When I asked her about it, she said that being compassionate and full of love was important to her. She tries her best to approach the world with kindness. In her answers, she also mentions her love for animals, nature, reading.
Like Megumi, Molly’s most intimate relationship is with her best friend. The nature of their intimacy is particularly emotional, and she calls it the best relationship she has had. Her friend identifies himself as gay, and has been there for her through everything, even when ‘everyone else left’. The equation seems to have helped her gain confidence in herself, and taught her the art of staying patient with herself as well as others. She doesn’t take everything as seriously as she used to anymore, and loves herself better, flaws and all.
Growing up, Molly had a very critical father. Being at the receiving end of a steady stream of criticism and blame, made her develop a rather nervous and anxious personality. In fact, a little over a year ago, she was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Social Anxiety (SA).
I think being uncertain about my sexuality, made me anxious at first. I was mostly confused and felt broken in some way. Since owning my asexuality, I have become more confident, but the anxiety is still there.
Has she been able to speak to her family, more specifically her father, about it?
My relationship with my father has always been rocky. He’s trying harder to be nice now, but I think it’ll always be rocky. While I’m comfortable talking about sexuality and the lgbtqa+ community as a general topic with my family, I’m not comfortable discussing my own with them. As far as my family knows, I’m heterosexual.
My dad is the type of person who believes that if you’re born with a girl’s body, then you’re a girl, and you like boys, and vice versa. I always stand up for the community when he’s being homophobic, but I’m afraid it simply goes through one ear and out the other.
Why do you think it’s important to understand one’s sexuality or sexual identity?
I think it’s important to understand your sexuality because it’s a part of who you are. Honestly, I first thought about it when trying to answer that question — I need to think about it more.
Have you ever faked it?
I used to pretend to be straight. I used to have sex; had sex quite a few times over the course of two years. I was trying way too hard to “prove” to my friends that I was straight and in a way, I was trying to convince myself about it too, even though I’m not. I wasn’t sexually attracted to any of the guys and didn’t enjoy having sex with any of them.
My relationship with my best friend helped me come to terms with my asexuality. I learned how to love and accept myself. He told me that regardless of what people think of me, I’m valid & I’m loved, and that I will never be alone. Asexuality can be lonely so it was really helpful to hear someone else tell me that I’ll never be alone.
He didn’t really tell me anything to help me understand my sexuality, he just taught me self-love and acceptance and supported me.
How has dating worked out for you?
Relationships haven’t worked out for me because potential partners get spooked by my asexuality and leave. Every time that happens, my best friend never fails to remind me that I will find someone to share my life with, and that my asexuality isn’t a problem to be fixed; so I shouldn’t bother hanging around people that make me feel like it is.
It’s natural for us to turn to works of art that validate how we feel. For Molly, it’s a song called Change for Love by Little Sea.
Change For Love by Little Sea. A song that reminds you that you’re enough.
I like this song by Little Sea called Change for Love: it is really good. It’s just a reminder for me that I don’t have to change who I am to find love and that someone will love me despite my asexuality.
If you have been reading this article up until now, you’ll see why anybody would appreciate Molly’s company and her kind words, share in her love for animals and the environment, and appreciate her courage to speak up even when her voice shakes. Keep calm applicants, the line forms on the right.
Molly is also someone who cares about the environment a lot.
I used to volunteer at animal shelters. I don’t do it as much as I used to, which sucks. (But we think it’s ok) I also recycle everything I can. I’ve got a habit of picking up trash when I see it in the streets and disposing it away properly. I refuse to litter; when I’m in college or out, I have to remind my best friend or whoever I’m with to throw their trash in the bin (they tend to drop it on the ground). They often joke about me not being able to litter hahah.
I’m not too fond of cars either. I prefer to walk everywhere I go and try to encourage others to do it also.
On spirituality and humankind’s spiritual connection with nature.
I believe that we have a deep connection with nature, and that some people deny this to themselves. <Instead of exploring this bond and looking within ourselves> …many of us try to model ourselves to what society says.
While I don’t believe in a god, I do believe in a higher power, like a cosmic force or something.
Advice for someone who is just discovering their sexuality:
It’s okay to be unsure of your sexuality. You may not understand it now and that may be confusing, but you’ll figure it out and you’ll be okay.
Advice for someone who is exploring their identity as an asexual:
Don’t let people try to convince you that asexuality isn’t a real thing. It is. If you believe that you’re asexual then chances are, you are asexual.
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ASexual Self is a series of stories about asexuals, mostly in their own words. Join in the conversation by sharing these posts and the publication itself with your friends, family, and anybody who you think might be struggling to figure out their sexual identity. You can also leave a comment, highlight parts of the story that make you pause and think, or show us some old-school ❤.
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Originally published at medium.com on May 2, 2017.
