3 Mindful Practices To Calm You Down
All of us are the subject or victim of anger. The basic instinct of human being is to release the negative energy inside by one way and another. However, more often than not, the person who is hurt because of our anger explosion is our love one or close one. Therefore, the terrible feeling of regret makes us wish that we had never been angry in the first place. But how can you calm yourself from exploding of anger?
My Life Long Battle With Anger Issues And Depressions
I used to be a really troubled boy. My mental state was extremely unstable, not on the surface though. At school, I often tried to behave as a quiet, normal boy. But just like a balloon being pumped too much, too often I lost control of myself and did horrible, horrible things. And the worst part was the feeling of extreme regret afterwards. I felt stressful all the time and began hearing evil noises in my head.
During my teenage phrase, I had 2 serious meltdown that causing me lose control of my whole body and associated with constant convulsions. However, I have never been diagnosed, it was not common in Vietnam to have these kind of special mental therapy for teenagers and I guess since my meltdowns only happened occasionally and my physical strength was perfectly normal, people chose to ignore it.
Hence, I had to deal with it myself. Sometimes, I felt totally alone and the thought of death had occurred more than one.
Things got slightly better when I came to Finland. The general quiet and peaceful surroundings here has helped me think less about my mental disorder and the fact that I have to take my own responsibility now also affects my lifestyle in a good way.
However, the instability of my mind is still there that I wasn’t aware of. There was one time I let my anger out to my little brother and caused him to go to the hospital because of physical injuries. Only then, I knew that I couldn’t get rid of my inner monster but have to learn to live with it. Eventually, the answer came when I was exposed to the practice of mindful living.
3 Mindful Practices To Release Yourself From Our Anger
The impact of these practices does not come overnight. We have to practice every moment in our daily life, not only when we are angry. There are 3 mindful practices that help to calm ourselves.
- Focus on your breathing
Almost every mindful practice starts with the practice of mindfulness of breathing. Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh once said “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky, and conscious breathing is my anchor”. Breathing in and out helps us to see deeply our anger and the root where it came from.
Additionally, concentrating in the inhale and exhale breath also distracts us from any impulsive actions coming from the anger that may unintentionally hurt the feeling of others. Anger can mirror from one to another. Therefore, our calmness presence from breathing practice also helps to erases the distress for the opposite side.
2. Listening deeply
More often that not, conflict arises when we start arguing. An argument means that we try to find and correct the wrong things that the opposite side might have perceived about us. Ironically, since we only focus on correcting not on listening to each other, both sides are getting upset. Therefore, the main aim of the practice of deep listening is to not correct the other when we hear the wrong perceptions.
When we practice listening deeply to what the other has to say, we can see that (s)he also has a lot of troubles, a lot of pains that burden them and blur their perception. Additionally, listening to what they’re saying will help us to see things from their points of view, and perhaps in that point, we are actually in the wrong and would react in the same way like they did.
The practice of mindfulness of listening is successful when we start to feel compassionate with the opposite side. We see what they’ve been through, how their pains have made them suffer, and how we can do to make them feel better. Eventually, we can actually correct their wrong perception not by talking but by showing our deep regard, our caring, and compassion.
3. Saying “I Love You” Afterward
In my family, there is a unconventional thing to express our love out loud with other members. And I see that is a problem for a lot of Asian’s family as well as any family. We do not say “I Love You” much often when it’s necessary.
There was one time when I was really angry with my mother over something, then instead of arguing with her and trying to blame her like I did so often, I tried to calm myself by practicing breathing in and out, and silently listening to what she said. The moment my mother stopped talking was also the moment I felt a strong, sudden love for her because of what she’s been doing for me all the time. I forgot my anger and said ” I Love You, Mom”.
My mother was stunned at first, she looked at me for a long time and suddenly I saw a teardrop rolled down her cheek, and at that moment, I knew that she was really happy and I was really happy.
Saying “I Love You” to the opposite side showing that we actually care for them, love them, and will do anything to them. This realization not only helps to console the other, it also helps ourselves realize that the person we’re angry at is the person we love the most, and whatever we do to hurt them will end up hurt ourselves. Thus, it’s a beautiful way to release your anger by saying 3 words that mean the most to both you and others.
That’s it! Implementing these 3 simple, mindful practices has helped me to release myself from my anger and distress and I can assure you that these can help you, too. Just remember to practice the mindfulness of breathing, of deeply listening, and tell the person you’re angry at your true feeling for them, you will find peace in every moment of your life.
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Originally published at thetrainthought.wordpress.com on June 9, 2015.
