“I’m In a Really Bad Place at the Moment”
Silhouettes are beautiful. And it’s funny because they’re quite superficial, they really show us very little of the thing we’re looking right at. Perhaps that is why they are so pretty; the shadow spares us all the grit and grime of their surface, their character. Instead we see only the shape, the outline. Our mind fills in the rest with what we want to see, what we would rather see.
Friends too can be like this: close or far, life long or new, brothers from other mothers and even BFFs. Because despite being able to see their shape before us, you’d be surprised what people are hiding underneath.
Amazingly, when people tell us that they’re in a “really bad place” they’re not saying it down the wire of a phone from war torn Afghanistan. They’re not screaming it from a burning building.
Most of the time they’re just saying it with a heavy heart and raised eyebrows, as if they have to apologise for something. But most worryingly of all,
They’re usually standing right in front of us.
Recently I met a friend in town and asked how things were, how they really were, and that’s what they told me. So often I hear that phrase, “I’m just in a really bad place right now” and more often than not it’s followed by “but I’ll tell you about it later.”
Now I don’t know about you, but if I was in a warzone or surrounded by the licking heat of flames, I’d want to get out of there as fast as posible and the last thing I’d say is “ah yeah, I’m on fire here, but I’ll tell you about the burns some other time.”
More concerning still is how shocked I’d be if someone actually walked away. Yet to my own shame, that is exactly what I did.
She said as clear as day that she was upset and then said not to worry and I thought to myself “well, she said not to ask so I won’t.” How utterly ridiculous is that?
It has taught me a lesson: when people say they’re in a bad place, it’s usually a distress signal wrapped up in as polite a form as possible. If someone is upset enough to offer this frail and fragile veil, they really must be looking for support anywhere they can get it.
I’m glad to say I’ve since talked to my friend and have, at the very least, not ignored them.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about trowing people life rafts or being the best of the good men from Samaria, it’s just about listening to people.
It’s simple, it doesn’t take all that much and you’d be surprised what it might do. And then, when you’re done listening, talk. Because listening only cleans the wound, it needs to be closed up or else it’ll get infected all over again.
Ask yourself; how often has someone told you they’re in a bad place right now? How many times have you said it yourself?
So the next time someone tells you they’re in a bad place, ask them if they would like a helping hand to get out of there before all that’s left around them is the shadows at dusk and silent silhouettes.
