All Things Nice
Lemons and Chillies.
I smiled and sighed slightly over my first journal entry of the year. The entry was about the past few days, including mentions of all things nice and mentions of all things I wanted to be delightful in the coming year. I have a habit of re-reading the last entry to see how things are different between then and now. But now, I intentionally overlooked my previous entry, written almost a month before and on the left side of the journal. Note: I didn’t start a new journal for the new year.
My previous entry was a rant, loaded with petty frustrations, complaints, and maybe fear, but nothing vastly disturbing. Because of laziness and the auspiciousness of the occasion, I didn’t bother to elaborate on the past complaints in the latest entry. It wasn’t even needed because the matters were resolved or I just found my way around them. So, I just wrote all things nice in the latest entry.
Like the journal entry, I optimistically made wishes for the new year concerning my favourite people, work, and resolutions. My all things nice.
I intentionally overlooked a particular section of roads which I might have to take sooner or later. I wished for the best, never-ending, and ordinary moments with people. I hoped for the continuous development of my work and resolutions, if not complete fulfilment. I wished for all the laughs and lights and smooth roads with overarching trees, but also, unwillingly, keeping in mind the impending darkness and watery eyes.
With days passing by, it soon dawned on me that the time for overlooking was perhaps over. A few nice things would either end or take a new turn this year. The time for seizing the moments was over, and now it was time to face the unavoidable changes.
And then followed the avalanche of thoughts, determinations, dialogues, and more thoughts. The thoughts about when the change would happen, the determination to make every ounce of life with the nice things count, the dialogues about endings and new turns, and more thoughts like, “This is so nice; why do things have to change?”
With thoughts also came painful realisations. The most important one was the knowledge about the extent of niceness of the things. The awareness of incessant chuckling, laughter, and giggling. The understanding of unconditional consoling, support, and encouragement. The awareness of affection, love, and light. But all in the past and the present. Not so sure if they’ll be there in the future or till what time in the future.
And then, with all the realisations, thoughts, and determinations came an urge to envelop the nice things in a hug, mostly to hide them from the world. Mainly to cover them in lemons and chillies to protect them from evil eyes. Not that I know if anyone’s evil eyes are staring at the nice things.
A hug to mostly let go of all sane intentions and actions and just keep them nearby. To gradually abandon all of my charms that also made the nice things nice. To slowly forget that maybe the nice things don’t want to be engulfed and restricted or talk about the endings and new turns. To completely forget that nothing can be done about the oncoming changes.
And then the urge translated into being and feelings into suffocating hugs and abandonment of charms. The lemons and chillies protected the nice things from others’ evil eyes, but they started to rot under my hug. The incessant and unconditional aspects of the nice things began to cease and pose conditions. My watery eyes looked longingly at the nice things and tried to reflect on what had gone wrong. Because the nice things didn’t seem that nice anymore, they seemed to wane in boredom and annoyance.
And then another realisation struck, the realisation of why things were nice. The realisation of the powers of absence and presence. Absence of forced dialogues, determinations, thoughts, and enveloping hugs. And the presence of laughter, respect, love, and only warm hugs. And a little realisation of my existence, all in the moment, grateful and charming towards the nice things.
And then, the urge to hug melted away and the laughs and lights reappeared into being.
