Fall 2021 Contest Finalist
Lauren’s Guide to Linear Algebra
First Edition
Not intended for academic purposes.
Linear Combination Lemma — arrangement of nicknames given to my best friend in preschool from the name game: “Emma Lemma bo-bemma, Banana-fana fo-femma, Fee-fi-mo-memma, Emma!”
Row Space — the gap between two rows of small, cross-legged children, filled with tiny hands grasping at slim brown lizards and shiny, black roly polies the size of their fingernails, and sharing the color of their fingernails after digging into the soft, fine, silt soil. This gap is also known to be littered with tiny, round “vineyard snails” the color of confectioners’ sugar, which tend to end up in children’s pockets in copious amounts.
Plane Figure — sharp, winged silhouette that glides across the freckled cerulean sky. Best viewed when peering through the opening created between the ring finger and middle finger when performing the Vulcan salute by an ardent Trekkie, in effort to effectively block the blazing sun. Live long and prosper, passengers of Delta Airlines flight 3654.
Odd Function — the Valentine’s Dance in eighth grade where I was the only girl.
Linear Relationship — every relationship I have ever had. One-dimensional, unidirectional, no variance. No bumps, humps, or arguments. Simple in form, but can only have one of three possible solutions for the domain/future of the relationship r(x), with x such that x approaches negative infinity (an unfortunate result, a lasting but sour relationship), positive infinity (the ideal — an eternal and happy bond), or simply no solution (generally the least ramifications, these sort of functions tend to be the easiest to solve for).
Morphism — the experience of transitioning from an overly awkward adolescent with a rather unfortunate haircut (short, shaggy, and pointing in directions I didn’t even know it could), the excessively long plaid Catholic school skirt of a high school freshman who has yet to learn about hemming or skirt rolling, and a friend group of two, to a relatively accomplished young woman who is captain of the robotics team, president of the astronomy club, wears a skirt of reasonable length, and has somehow developed a loyal “fan base” (as my teachers would playfully put it) who cheer me on at competitions (“Lauren is super cool! Lauren is super cool!”) and hug me in the hallways. Also typically results in greatly improved hair.
Rigid Motion — the form of movement on which I relied to get through my first semester of college. Five-minute walk to Chemistry, long quick strides, face straight ahead, look purposeful, don’t trip. Ultimately, this method tends to result in an overall unapproachable and serious vibe, so please use at your discretion.
Mutual Inclusion — the act of joining a group of people whom you like to spend time with, and who likewise desire to spend time with you. The frequency of these types of problems is highly dependent on your situation, however, results are typically very rewarding.
Ex. The bilateral acceptance of myself into the astronomy club in college, and of members of the club into my life. This is also an example of an expansion of the domain of a group of space nerds to encompass one new value, myself.
Nonsingular — the state of being coupled, no longer a single entity but now two separate consciousness masquerading as one, sharing too much to disassociate from one another but still different enough to be considered two, thereby creating a unique, nonsingular entity.
Solving for this state frequently involves grueling, multistep processes that often result in a finite positive or negative value, or no solution. On rare occasions, infinity can result. Taking on a problem of this complexity is only recommended for those strong of mind and heart, and consequently, these are rarely given on exams, as the ideal solution of infinity is wildly difficult to obtain, especially given strict time constraints.
