Women are master artists when it comes to rejection, drawing from an endless supply of one-liners, some more believable than others.

The classic “I have a boyfriend” line? Possibly true. A ring-free woman who tells you she’s married? Obvious lie. Sometimes the level of cruelty is comical: “Puh-lease tell me you’re joking” or “I NEVER date lower than an eight.”

Regardless of how the rejection is served, it hurts. You put yourself out there, and it backfired. You took a chance and failed. You were vulnerable in that moment, wearing your heart on your sleeve…only to see it put in a chokehold and beaten to a bloody pulp (then, depending on the severity of the rejection, tossed in a blender or set ablaze). No one enjoys that feeling.

Here’s the thing: women aren’t rejecting you. They are rejecting who they think you are, based purely on their initial impression.

Superficial? Sure, but we all do it to some degree. First impressions are incredibly important everywhere; make a bad first impression and you may not get the chance to make a second. Fortunately, there are four easy things you can do to improve that initial impression and convince someone of your awesomeness.

Dress the part. This is the foundation of every good impression. I’m not saying you need to go all Mad Men for a Friday night downtown, but if you’re trying to convince a stranger that you are interesting and worthy of their attention, leave your New Balance sneakers at home.

So trim up those rogue nose hairs, slap on some cologne, and trade the cargo shorts out for some slacks. Trust me, she’ll notice.

Approach with confidence! Smile, and don’t be afraid of eye contact. Leave the stupid pick-up lines at home and try opening with something really crazy like “Hi.” Remember, you have something to offer! Tell her why you came over and what you’re hoping for i.e. a number, a date, or simply the opportunity to buy her a drink.

Be direct: She might turn you down, but she will respect your approach.

Be conversational. Ask about her job, her hobbies, her passions. Talking about yourself too much makes for boring conversation, and you come across as either a narcissist or a total loser.

Ask unique questions that will help you stand out and will help her feel special. Turn “What do you do?” into “What do you enjoy?” Instead of “Come here often?” try “If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?” When she seems interested in the topic, ask her a follow up question. That’s called being a gentleman. Oh, and major bonus points if you can get her laughing — but don’t try too hard.

Be yourself. If the person a girl says yes to is nothing like the real you, then you’re wasting everyone’s time. Still, there’s a fine line between displaying the best version of yourself and being fraudulent. You’re a cargo shorts and New Balance kind of guy that loves to talk about yourself?

Either find a woman that thinks narcissism and Wal-Mart fashion are aphrodisiacs, or consider the possibility that maybe you aren’t a finished product.

Trying to improve your first impression isn’t a sleight-of-hand trick. It’s about considering ways to improve yourself. Dressing nicer, speaking confidently and taking an interest in others are all a part of that.

Unfortunately, no matter how much we better ourselves, we can and will still get rejected from time to time, but if we put our best foot forward, we can walk away with our heads held high. Just remember, it’s nothing personal. Maybe she really DOES have a boyfriend. Maybe she really DOESN’T give out her number.

Or maybe she simply doesn’t like your face… but who cares?

Live Boldly…

— A

Follow me on Twitter: @AaronJSpence and @Ten_Pens