13 Essential Animal Yawns, and How to Do Them
A short but vital guide to yawning the way Mother Nature intended.
This is a great basic yawn to start with. Just close your eyes, open your mouth wide, stretch your tiny furry arms behind your head, and wait for the copious amount of leaves, stems, pith, and shoots that you had for lunch to digest.
The Hakuna Matata
Close your eyes, stick your foot-long, sandpaper-like tongue all the way out of your mouth, and then sleep for as much as 18–20 hours. Repeat every day.
The Delicate Yawn
Gently allow your sharp, scissorlike beak to come slowly apart (if it helps, imagine that you are about to devour a fieldmouse whole), close your eyes, and think of something peaceful (such as devouring a fieldmouse whole).
The Remora Yawn
Take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Then, slowly but purposefully, allow your voluminous gaping shark mouth to become detached from your skull in the way that only sharks can. Wait for a fish to swim in and clean your teeth. Do not bite the fish.
Close your lovely horse eyes and show the world that gorgeous equine hypsodont dentition.
With the soothing sound of the ocean as a backdrop, ever-so-slightly inflate your absurd jumbo-proboscis, at the same time moving your front flipper back and forth in front of your face in a manner that is both endearing and threatening at the same time.
The Post-Prandial Yawn
You’ll know you’ve done this one right if people can smell your insect breath from 20 feet away.
The Full Mouthful
Most effective with a close friend or a Grey Heron (or both), this giant yawn requires a standard amount of sleepiness, plus a mouthful of giant canine tusks inside a jaw with a bite force of roughly 8,100 newtons.
The A Capella Chorus
For this extremely complex yawn to work, you will need to find a few very close friends who are willing to practice highly distinctive unison guttural vocalizations with you around bedtime.
Pick the comfiest tree you can find and give that razor sharp beak a break from tearing and crushing prey with a nice long stretch. Totally OK to screech a little and terrify a few fieldmice while indulging in this important yawn.
Pick your favorite vape flavor, settle down somewhere in the endless plains of the Serengeti, and just wait for the perfect yawn to happen to you.
The Bad Baby
One of the more difficult yawns in this group, this yawn will require you to stay up so far past your bedtime that your mama gives up and just goes to sleep herself. It’s exhausting for everyone involved but totally worth it!
The Endless Void
For this yawn to work, you will first want to make your shining eyes go an even more deadly shade of blue. Allow your mouth and gills — which combine into a powerful sucking system that draws in prey from a distance — to distend. Listen to the peaceful roar of the inky black depths and relax into a deep, peaceful sleep.