QUIZ: What Type of Vegan Protein Are You?

Take this quiz to find out what type of delicious vegan protein you are! (Then send it to everyone who asks where you get your protein!)

Holly Amos
Sep 18 · 4 min read
Photo by Gesina Kunkel on Unsplash

Where would you feel most at home?
A: In a tree among my peers.
B: Somewhere dry. Very, very, dry. Though I occasionally love a good soak.
C: In a tangled mass in warm alkaline lakes in Africa and Central and South America.
D: Wherever I’m kneaded. I mean needed!

Pick a sweetener:
A: Maple syrup.
B: An old shaker of sprinkles my friend Bonnie gifted me at Burning Man in 2005. No — 2007!
C: Dried dates.
D: Agave.

What’s your go-to pillow?
A: A rock that’s been worn by time.
B: A meditation cushion.
C: A yoga block.
D: A tan body pillow I call my Night Baguette.

Pick a go-to vegan snack:
A: A pocketful of almonds.
B: A pocketful of roasted chickpeas.
C: A carefully wrapped spirulina energy ball.
D: A pocketful of semi-crushed Cheerios.

What scent are you?
A: Au-natural armpit.
B: Bonnie’s-homemade-deodorant armpit.
C: Lush-Aromaco-bar armpit.
D: Tom’s-of-Maine armpit.

Your childhood celebrity crush was:
A: Any character played by Michael Cera.
B: Rowan Atkinson.
C: Spongebob Squarepants.
D: Not allowed to come near me because he had Celiac disease.

The real star of Babe is:
A: Farmer Hoggett’s whisper-singing.
B: Farmer Hoggett’s neck kerchief.
C: Farmer Hoggett’s dance.
D: Babe taking advantage of Farmer Hoggett’s remorse and getting bottle fed on a couch. That’ll do, pig, indeed.

Pick a topping for your avocado toast:
A: More avocado.
B: More avocado.
C: Matcha, goji berries, cacao nibs.
D: Another slice of toast, preferably that delicious, extra-thick heel.

Your best friend says you’re:
A: Actually a fruit composed of an inedible hard shell and a seed, which is edible.
B: Full of protein and fiber.
C: Some sort of algae, like 90% sure.
D: The only thing worth living for.

Pick a ’90s accessory:
A: A scrunchie I found in a tree in Yosemite.
B: A hemp necklace Bonnie made me at Burning Man in 2005. Wait … 2007!
C: Whatever won’t clash with my Fitbit.
D: A “best friends” necklace so I can give one to my sourdough starter, Todd.

What kind of shoes are you wearing right now?
A: Nature’s shoes — feet.
B: Non-leather Birkenstocks Bonnie traded me for a lock of my hair at Burning Man in 2007. No, 2005!
C: Peloton shoes, pilates socks, Lush’s T for Toes foot powder.
D: Old.

If you were an animal, you’d be:
A: A very good squirrel named Edgar.
B: A very good groundhog who goes by Spike.
C: A very good flamingo called Diane.
D: A good-ish cat who sometimes chooses to acknowledge that someone seems to think her name is Skeletor.

Ten years from now you’ll be:
A: Living in a treehouse in Costa Rica with a piece of gum stuck in my hair.
B: At Burning Woman, right Bonnie?!
C: Able to do Wounded Peacock and Handstand Scorpion.
D: Finally finished with my epic poem: “Ode to Carbo-Loading.”

If you got mostly As, you’re a Nut!
You have many sides — you can be totally cheesy one minute, stripped down and raw the next. It seems like everyone always wants more of you, and although you love milking the attention for all it’s worth, deep down you just want to be out there among your nutty buds, mixing it up on the trail.

Photo by Ignacio F. on Unsplash

If you got mostly Bs, you’re a Bean!
You’re down to earth, hearty, and shelf-stable AF! You’ve been around longer than most others, and although people mistake you for bland, given half the chance you surprise the bean-jeezus out of them with some wild concoctions!

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

If you got mostly Cs, you’re Spirulina!
Instagram loves you … when you slow down enough to love it back. You appear to be intense, which is off-putting to some. But those who love you best know you’re more flexible than most folks realize (in more ways than one!).

Photo by Vita Marija Murenaite on Unsplash

If you got mostly Ds, you’re Vital Wheat Gluten!
You easily adjust to whatever the situation calls for, and people enjoy your devilish charms! When folks love you, they love you HARD, though there are a few who are allergic to the very essence of your being.

Photo by saebois


A friendly + radical vegan magazine dedicated to living well with kindness towards animals, care for the planet, and justice for all.

Holly Amos

Written by

Holly Amos is a humor writer and poet in Chicago. More at @amoshmarie and hollyamos.net.



A friendly + radical vegan magazine dedicated to living well with kindness towards animals, care for the planet, and justice for all.

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