You Know You’re a Vegan Mom When…

A quick and easy guide to diagnosing whether your suspicions are correct that you are a vegan mom.

Jennifer Haubrich
Sep 20, 2019 · 5 min read
Photo: Jennifer Haubrich

If you can spot any of these telltale signs in your behavior, you might well be a vegan mom:

  • You know 3 different substitutes for eggs, have 2 types of plant-based milk in the fridge and more than 4 recipes for plant-based bacon.
  • You sometimes discover you have 3 jars of tahini in the pantry, from repeatedly buying another one “just in case”.
  • You have taken your family on at least one trip to an animal sanctuary.
  • You have at least considered taking your kids to a screening of a vegan documentary on a school night.
  • When you write your grocery list you write “vegan cheese” and “vegan butter” instead of just “cheese” or “butter” because you wouldn’t want anyone to see it and misunderstand your intentions.
  • You can’t wipe the smile off your face when you serve chicken-less nuggets at a birthday party and all the non-vegan kids gobble them up.
  • Ditto when you serve the cupcakes.
  • You feel a little giddy when you discover a new vegan restaurant nearby (even if the term “nearby” is used loosely.)
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  • You have written reviews on Happy Cow and consider the app an essential resource for family travel survival.
  • One of your reviews might have said, “GET THE TEMPEH REUBEN, IT IS AMAZING!!! THIS PLACE IS AWESOME. I WANT TO EAT HERE EVERY NIGHT.”
  • When a waiter delivers a veggie burger to you in a non-vegan restaurant and says it’s an Impossible Burger, you can tell without taking a single bite that it’s actually a Boca Burger.

(When this happens, you ask for a price adjustment, with a smile on your face, because you strive to uphold positive PR for vegans at large and especially for the young vegans at your table, but you’re not going to pay for a BMW when you are getting a Kia.)

  • You have been asked where your kids get their protein.
  • You have been asked where your kids get their calcium.
  • You have never been asked where your kids get their fiber.
  • Constipation is not an issue in your household.
  • To you, “fast food” means refried bean quesadillas with salsa, which you taught the kids how to make for themselves by age 8.
  • It is understood that said quesadilla is accompanied by a side salad.
  • Yes, you have vegan ranch.
  • When you bake with the kids, everyone can lick the spatula, risk-free!
  • You have brought secretly vegan snacks to school so your child can eat what everyone else is eating.
  • You can roll with soy-free and nut-free requests like a champ, and never have to worry about dairy, egg or shellfish allergies.
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  • You know how to make vegan Mac n’ Cheese that tastes great without cheese.
  • You also have a preferred version of store-bought vegan Mac n’ Cheese, because life.
  • When you get to the grocery store and the bulk bin section has just been restocked you whisper to yourself, “Is this heaven?”
  • But having a can of beans means you can get dinner on the table in 15 minutes like a boss.
  • You have had trouble fitting all the produce you’ve bought at one time into your refrigerator.
  • You have taken a photograph of a cute vegetable next to your hand or a quarter to demonstrate how small it is.
  • You may have shared it on social media.
  • Besides friends’ posts, your Facebook feed is a combination of animals, vegan recipes, and environmental news.
  • Your Instagram is 80% buddha bowls, 20% goats.
  • Your kids can spot a non-vegan shoe or a dairy ingredient in food with just one quick glance at the label.
  • You can never go to dinner at an omnivore’s house without bringing extra food with the secret hope that one of your recipes will convert someone (Hope springs eternal.)
  • You have at least one item of clothing that says “Kale” on it.
  • You have bought your significant other clothing with the word “Kale” on it.
  • It makes you so happy when they wear it.
  • At least one of your kids has socks with avocados on them.
  • When it’s your birthday, your kids decorate your card with fruits and vegetables.
  • It makes you so proud that your 10-year-old can eat an entire steamed artichoke like a pro, including the heart that hides behind that green hairy part.

You never would have attempted this as a kid. Or like 10 years ago.

  • Since you’ve never fed your kids meat, some plant-based meat substitutes seem so real that they won’t eat them.
  • It makes you so proud when your kids request a green vegetable no matter which one it is. (Your life has been a success!)
  • You get excited to tell your kids about the latest athlete/singer/actor they like who has gone vegan.
  • You’re waiting for the local pizza place to put your regular order on the menu: eggplant, mushrooms, onions, olives, spinach, roasted pepper and no cheese (there isn’t room for any anyway).

They should probably name it after you.

  • Your homemade popcorn is legendary in the neighborhood. When the neighbor kids ask what’s on it, you say “vegan magic”.

“Vegan magic” is what you call nutritional yeast.

  • You think nutritional yeast should have its own food group.
  • You consider Angela, Chloe, Colleen, Dreena, Nava, Isa, Richa, Robin and even those foul-mouthed thugs in the kitchen to be close personal friends because you have all their cookbooks and follow them online.
  • It’s good you feel this way because that is more vegan friends than you have IRL.
  • If you ever have any doubts you are doing the right thing for your kids, it all goes away when one of them tells you, “Thanks for raising me vegan, Mom.”

If you can relate to any of these, you might be a vegan mom too! Or maybe a vegan dad!

Tenderly

A friendly + radical vegan magazine dedicated to living well with kindness towards animals, care for the planet, and justice for all.

Jennifer Haubrich

Written by

Life lessons / Relationships / Parenting / Self / Happiness

Tenderly

Tenderly

A friendly + radical vegan magazine dedicated to living well with kindness towards animals, care for the planet, and justice for all.

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