Botany Bay

The Case For Space Colonization For The Sake of Terrestrial Sanity

When you get into your 7th decade on this planet, you start to realize that a New World isn't such a bad idea. For one thing, being in suspended animation for the trip of maybe a thousand years might keep my Medicare Advantage plan from calling me every day to see if I want to avail myself of free “preventive” programs. Are we there yet? The only thing I’d like to prevent is the incessant calling.

The way I see it, we've got three ways to go about this. One is to send all the Democrats out to Alpha Centauri, another is to send all the Republicans, and a third is to send them both. Imagine a world without politicians. Trouble is, we probably wouldn't have any lawyers, either.

A Democrat space colony would probably fail. There wouldn't be enough people to tax to support the ruling class, and I’m sure the environmental wing would make it impossible to build the colony on an unspoiled planet in the first place. The proverbial space Mayflower would have to circle Plymouth Rock until the provisions gave out.

Likewise if we send them both, Republicans and Democrats. First, we’d double the expense. We’d have to use two spaceships, or they’d be eating each other before they got halfway to the orbit of Neptune. Once the two ships landed, the colonists would set up a government, including a bicameral legislature, an executive branch, and a judiciary made up of those who like to watch. Then they would start arguing and nothing would get done before the whole colony starved to death.

I think Republicans might have a chance of succeeding with a space colony. They’d set up a free market and start producing and exporting right away. Soon, there would be enough prosperity, goods and services for others from Earth to want to emigrate. The Republicans would build a space wall and issue orders to blow up immigrant ships on sight. They’d pass an immigration law without realizing they were all immigrants to the new planet, and then spend a lot of time figuring out how to deport themselves. But, in general, I don’t think they’d eat, shoot, or enslave each other. The Democrats left back on Earth, however, would accuse them of trying to do all three.

I think I just argued myself into sending both the Dems and the GOPers. Earth would be a saner place.