The Heart-eating Purgatory

I’m aching but I don’t feel like crying yet
Eight hours and twenty six minutes
Creak by the clock’s ticking
And humming in my ears.
I guess I’m falling for real this time
As hard as I did for you once
And falling into a rat hole
Paved to your eyes and mine.
I’ve called you mine;
Yet not claimed.
I’ve drawn all the oncoming
Near the figure of my soul
Yet not deleted.
Such a sweet illustration it was
To carve your misty presence
Gradually, next to mine.
Such an amorous portrait
To spectate you
And your body lying still
Next to my nuclear heart.
I still have this feeling therein
Where all the poison
Still leaks out
Minute after hour
Hour after a day
That I will be just fine
And throw it all right away.
No matter what I’m doing now
Just to hurt you
As deeply as I reluctantly do
What is within me
Stands still and stern
Waiting for me to cave in
And greedily mourn for you.
I know I’ll feel myself again
And leave those head-diggings
And brain-pitchings behind
Just like back in the days
When I ran freely
All along underneath the rain
Dissolving the strings
Of your far-fetched divinity
And the solid fragility
That you stacked onto me.

