I Can Show You the World: PYL In-Flight: June 26, 2023

Welcome Back My Globetrotting Passengers:

It’s crazy that a month ago, my son Adam and I were in Amsterdam having departed SFO on May 24th for a post-college graduation adventure. While we were both excited about the trip, we were also very nervous. 19 days is a long time to be together 24/7, especially while traveling in foreign countries, sharing a bathroom, and often a bed. Spoiler alert: it went great!

We traveled in four countries (Netherlands, France, Italy, Vatican City), went to at least 16 museums, used 16 different modes of transportation, spoke four different languages (French, Italian, Spanish, and English), drove 1174 miles in Italy, and saw countless sites. We are still going through the pictures (all 2500+ of them) to identify the places we visited to do the full accounting so I can write the 20+ blog posts like I did for my trip with Finn last summer.

It was an incredible trip. The best part was that we still loved each other at the end. Actually, we loved each other even more than we did at the beginning. We effectively and unexpectedly leveled up our relationship and opened up his world.

We started (very jet lagged) in Amsterdam and grew to appreciate the multitude of waterways, bridges and cooler weather. Adam absolutely loved the Rijksmuseum and can’t wait to go back to spend more time at the museum and see more of the city. 48 hours was just enough to get a taste, or a goûter, one of our mantras throughout the trip.

Adam and I love museums and had to resist the urge to go into every one we walked by.

We took the train to Paris (technically traveling through a fifth country, Brussels). We both love Paris and enjoyed wandering around (still jetlagged), periodically stopping for an adult beverage and a snack to keep our energy up (and use bathrooms). Each of these stops offered up an opportunity for deep and meaningful conversations.

There were a lot of people in Paris, more than I’d ever seen before. The pent-up demand for travel should be an economic boon for Europe based on what we saw.

Adam had more stamina than I in Musée d’Orsay, so I covertly napped on a bench while he read the captions for, and studied intently, each of the sculptures in the main hall. Pro tip: the main restaurant there is pretty good…be there at 12 to get a table or risk waiting in line.

Adam was really looking forward to l’Orangerie to see Monet’s water lilies. When we were there in 2013 there were very few people in the room and it was an incredibly peaceful and serene experience. Not this time. It was really crowded. We were still able to enjoy the paintings and we discovered the exhibits downstairs (near the bathrooms) which were fantastic.

After 48 hours in Paris, we flew to Venice. I can’t thank Donato (a local restaurateur) enough for insisting that we go to Venice. We both loved it. No cars. No bikes. Beautiful things to see everywhere you look. Dead ends into walls or into canals. Endless opportunities to explore. We didn’t have any reservations other than the hotel which meant we could wander to our hearts’ content. Pro tip: take a gondola ride first thing in the morning when it’s cool, calm, and very few other people.

The humidity did a number on our hair but we didn’t care. We practiced our Italian and at dinner one night, we spoke in French and Spanish to two women who didn’t speak English. We enjoyed our first aperol spritzes and gelatos, and our first of only two tiffs throughout the trip.

Adam was reminded that he likes meeting and talking to people. His experience in college has been such that these opportunities have been few and far between.

I learned that he’s pretty easy to travel with. We both suffer from some level of travel anxiety but together we were able to move through the anxiety once we shared it with the other.

Adam commented that a lot of his friends on social media were in Europe so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when we bumped into two gals he knew from high school.

After 40 hours in Venice, we took an Italo train to Bologna where we stayed one night before renting a car to explore Tuscany, Umbria, and get to Rome.

We didn’t love Bologna and we made the mistake of going to Eataly World for snacks for the road which did not seem to exist in this ginormous place. The animals, like this cow, were the best part of the place. There were also turkeys, goats, and llamas. It was a really weird place.

Then, we tried taking the scenic route to the Florence area only to be turned back not once, but twice, due to road closures from recent flooding. I was fine with the diversion but Adam felt bad about leading us down an unsuccessful path. I enjoyed the scenery (but not the tire warning light that came from some pretty rutty roads). I reminded him that I’d picked a shitty hotel in Paris and not every decision was going to be a good one. That’s part of traveling.

We booked a room at a small villa outside of Florence through booking.com only to arrive and learn that the restaurant and pool were closed and there was going to be a wedding on the property on the third night. This was not a good day but we persevered and enjoyed ourselves despite the setbacks.

We were in Tuscany and open to all of the experiences, including the not so great ones.

While the villa owners were misleading with their posting, and the wedding went until 11:30 PM on the Saturday when we were exhausted and just wanted to sleep (and wanted to leave our room), the owner gave us some great suggestions on where to go. We wouldn’t have known to go to Certaldo or Volterra, nor where to park in Florence, without him.

They did have a super sweet and friendly dog and since we were both missing our dogs back home, we were able to get a puppy fix.

We’d only really planned through June 1st when we picked up the car and didn’t have hotel reservations or specific plans until we left Rome on the 12th. We’d agreed to plan from the road. Finn and I loved being spontaneous the first few days of our trip last year and I didn’t want to overplan the trip. Well, Adam and I realized we’d left too much unplanned so next time he’d like to have less time without hotel reservations to reduce his anxiety.

Notice I said next time! We both agree that we travel well and want to do this again in a few years when he finishes his master’s degree (and I can save up for the trip!).

The other day I was struggling with this post and called him to talk about why the trip was successful, what we got out of it, and why. We agreed that it was successful largely because both of us took a ‘say yes’ approach to the trip and we both really wanted it to be a success. So, while the situations weren’t ideal, the discomfort or annoyances were fleeting and just not that big of a deal overall.

Rarely were we in shitty places mentally at the same time so most of the time we were able to talk each other off the ledge. Or, we would stop for a beer, glass of wine, or aperol spritz.

I did learn that Adam likes to complain and it’s his way of processing things. Good to know. Now.

One place he did not complain was Volterra which had the best Etruscan art museum, a Roman amphitheater built in the first century with the site later repurposed as a public bath in the third century. Adam was in heaven! I got a history and architecture lesson from Professor Adam.

Florence was a busy day. We climbed the 463 steps to the top of the Duomo despite our claustrophobia and fear of heights. We rewarded ourselves with a beer at 10 AM before walking across town to the Accademia museum.

I was proud of both of us for being scared and doing it anyway. This was a common thread throughout the trip.

We were very frustrated with some Italian inefficiencies at 3:30 in the afternoon and nearly bailed on Florence before visiting the Uffizi Gallery. Really, why have scheduled ticket times if they aren’t going to be honored?

We are so glad we set aside our complaints to wait in line, walk up even more stairs (this was a 55 flight day), and enter the main hall of the museum. It was extraordinary.

Every ounce of negativity and discomfort left us as Adam looked at each sculpture and I examined the ceilings and paintings. While we could have spent days at the Uffizi, we invoked the ‘goûter mantra’ and promised to go back for more on another trip.

Adam was most excited to see the Laocoön and His Sons sculpture as it his absolute favorite sculpture. I love that he has a favorite sculpture and that he got to see the original at the Vatican and a copy at the Uffizi.

All throughout the trip, Adam amazed me with his knowledge of history, art, myths, and architecture. His excitement and enthusiasm were infectious and I learned so much from him.

We know that as our kids get older, that the nature of our relationships with them must change too. It’s not an easy transition, especially when we may continue to support them financially. It can feel as if what we bring to the relationship is not equal.

During this trip we both discovered through experience and many conversations, the value of other ‘currencies.’ Adam gave me his time, knowledge, and willingness to be a part of this adventure while I funded the trip, learned languages, and was willing to drive in Italy. Through this mutual discovery, we leveled up and deepened our relationship.

Initially I likened the experience to an onion as each day we shed layers to get closer to the core. In reality it was more like an artichoke with small discoveries as each leaf was removed until we got to the heart. There were some prickly bits that we had to navigate, and at some times avoid, but in the end we reached a point of richness that we both truly treasure and value, and don’t want to lose.

Adam was very frustrated by the Italian drivers and refused to accept that it’s just a different culture. Road signs, lines, street markings, and lights are merely suggestions. Tailgating and cutting people off are standard and not considered rude. They drive really fast (and recklessly in Adam’s opinion). I thought he was going to have an aneurysm while on the road and I drove for all but one leg from Perugia to Spoleto.

After Florence, we went to Siena, Montelpulciano, Perugia, Assis, Spello, Spoleto, Todi, and Orvieto before dropping the car in Rome.

Since I took over 2500 pictures, it’s going to take us a few more weeks to go through and tag all of them (yep, a project we are working on together). With all of the cities and places we visited, there’s no way to cover all of them in a single post. Until I can write all the blog posts, check out the pictures and summaries I posted on IG while we were on the trip.

We both learned so much from this trip, especially about ourselves and each other.

We are both morning people and very happy getting up and going as soon as we wake up. Finn likes to ease into their days but me and Adam, we like to charge right into them. We also like to do and see as much as possible. We have shared FOMO.

We are both willing to eat and drink just about anything and enjoyed sharing dishes. Since we like to cook, we would talk about ways to make some of the dishes at home.

We liked to stop for a snack and (adult) beverage and people watch as we gave our feet and bodies a break.

Despite being claustrophobic and being afraid of heights, if there was a bell or clock tower to climb, we were determined to take on the challenge. We didn’t let those fears hold us back. We supported each other through the discomfort.

Neither of us can resist a museum or historical site.

We can easily walk 20K steps and climb 40 flights of stairs in a day and do it again the next day. And the next.

I already knew he was a smart, sensitive, charismatic guy but he needed to remember this.

He realized he likes to meet and talk to people.

He also remembered that likes to travel. He just didn’t like to travel with us when he was a teenager (as evidenced above in the pic from France in 2015).

I love how happy Adam looks next to the original sculpture of Laocoön and His Sons. I am so glad I have this picture because it will always remind me of how giddy he was to see it, in person, at the Vatican. If he’s ever feeling down or doubt, I can send him this picture and say, remember…

Although he may have been giddier at the necropolis in Orvietto on our last road trip day to Rome.

We didn’t just survive our trip (despite riding Bird scooters in Rome on cobblestones, among the taxies and vespas!), we thrived.

We both ended the trip off balance but that’s what travel can do to you if you are open and willing to explore and try new things. We both came back transformed.

Adam’s world and perspective expanded. He said he was able to detach from the reality of everyday life and has a greater sense of freedom. He doesn’t feel as stuck. This was my goal for him.

I loved spending time with my 22 year old son, navigating new and often uncomfortable situations together.

I loved that we looked at the world slightly differently and we were able to share what we saw with each other thereby enhancing our overall experience.

We enriched our lives through this experience and transformed our mother/son relationship.

Last year when I got back from my trip with Finn, I told Zeke we would be spending all of our money on education and travel. This trip cemented in my mind the importance of spending time with our adult children, alone. While I was on this trip with Adam, Finn and Zeke were in Tahoe cycling. I love this for them.

Just as Zeke and I have invested in our relationship over the last two plus years, we need to continue to invest in our relationships with our kids. We can’t take these types of trips every year, so it may just be a weekend here or there until there’s another big milestone to celebrate.

Until then, Adam and I are on the hunt for a way to explore museums virtually together. If you have any suggestions, please send them my direction.

May you find peace, acceptance, and love today as you navigate being human.

With much love and gratitude,

Terri

This week’s song: I Can Show You the World from Aladdin. I took Adam on the trip to Europe to open his world because it hadn’t gotten so small over the last three and a half years. Aladdin was one of Adam’s favorites when he was a kid so this seemed appropriate.

Journal prompt / reflection: Do you like to travel? What kind of travel do you like? Hate? Why do you travel?

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