Love It or Lose It! PYL In-Flight: Sept 3, 2023
Welcome Back My Ever Reaching Passengers:
I’ve always struggled with the concept of a bucket list. As a recovering Type A, overachieving perfectionist, a bucket list feels like a major To Do list and any delay in marking items as complete feels like failure. I feel weighted down by them and not motivated which is the opposite of their purpose. Needless to say I haven’t had a healthy relationship with the whole concept.
As I researched for, and wrote Piloting Your Life (the book), I came to understand the importance of dreaming, especially in midlife.
When we dream, we create excitement and improve our quality of life (as I wrote in chapter 9, Setting Your Destination: The Sky’s the Limit).
Author Anna Marsh says, “You move beyond your current reality and develop new habits, as well as behaviors.”
Every year, my friend Jacqueline and I create vision boards to set the tone for the following year. When we got together last month, I had trouble finding images; only words were speaking to me.
Eventually I pulled together enough magazine pages to assemble my collage of images, quotes, and words and I am really happy with it.
It’s hanging in my office below last year’s vision board (shown above). Both vision boards resonate with what I want in and from my life.
For ideas on how to make your own vision board, check out my YouTube video on How to Create a Vision Board and Manifest What Yout Want in Your Life)
This morning I was reading through the various newsletters I subscribe to and read an article by Valerie Tiberius called Why You Should Swap Your Bucket List with a Chuck It List and it got me thinking about my own virtual wish / bucket list. As with clothes that no longer fit or expired food in my pantry, perhaps it’s time to do as the author’s father did with learning Spanish, and say fuck it, and chuck it.
In midlife, we’ve had a lot of time to accumulate things, people, and ideas and not all of it is necessary or healthy.
This past year I started purging at least one thing per day to reduce clutter and make room for more of what I want in my life and living space. I’ve watched my parents deal with the belongings of dead people and refuse to make this our kids’ problem.
And yes, this is an item on my daily To Do list; actually it’s one of my daily habits in my monthly Silk + Sonder planner.
I’ve also started saying ‘No’ more which has required me to practice saying ‘no, that doesn’t work for me’ and ‘no thank you’ so that I can unshackle myself from things I don’t want to do or people I don’t want to spend time with. It’s liberating and scary.
As women in the US, many of us were socialized to be people pleasers and we were not taught that saying ‘No’ is not only acceptable, but it’s also a complete sentence.
And with this ‘chuck it’ list concept, I am revisiting what I once thought I wanted. I know that some of those wishes or desires are no longer relevant.
I’ve started with My Wish List on page 121 of Piloting Your Life. Since I turned 50 three years ago and didn’t go to Bali, I am letting go of that wish. I’d rather go to Singapore to visit my friend Tawana. I’m also letting go of learning to bartend as I really don’t care anymore. I’m pefectly happy with a solid G&T and if someone wants to make a cocktail at my house, I’ll make sure we have all the necessary ingredients. I’m also saying adios to visiting major league ballparks as it was someone else’s dream, not really mine.
It’s harder to clear out the clutter in my brain. You know that shit that lives there rent free? And as with most squatters, it’s causing more damage than good. How can I make room for the goodness that it is to come if I don’t let it all go? There’s no room for the ‘shoulds’ and limiting beliefs.
I haven’t consulted for a biotech company for nearly 18 months which freaks me out. At the same time, I don’t want to be doing most of the work I used to do. Some of it is still relevant and interesting but the idea of being involved in the day-to-day of an implementation project is nauseating.
This week I had two conversations that could lead to paid work that I really want to do, but to make it a reality, I have to let go of a few limiting beliefs that are seriously holding me back.
I can’t reach for the new (potentially) amazing opportunities without letting go of the safety of the known.
But I know it’s the right thing to do and, I’ll be checking off a few more items on my wish list making room for even more. Wish me luck as I take a breath and go for it, despite being scared. The risk is worth it and heck, failure is my second favorite F word after all.
May you find peace, acceptance, and love today as you navigate being human.
With much love and gratitude,
Terri
P.S. Happy birthday to Piloting Your Life which turned four on September 1st! If you haven’t read it, grab yourself a copy. If you loved it, gift a copy to a friend who could use it.
This week’s song: Break the Chains by Berlin. I had to scroll through my music library to find a song that carried a message around letting go and embracing the good and this one was the first one I came across that fit the bill. There’s no official video so you get to simply enjoy the music.
Journal prompt / reflection: What’s on your wish or bucket list? Is everything still relevant? What can be chucked? Is there anything new that can be added?
terrihansonmead.com
Piloting Your Life (the book)
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