My Husband Left Me: PYL In-Flight: Feb 26, 2023

Welcome Back My Solo Passengers:

On Thursday, February 16th, my husband left me. He left me alone with a geriatric cat requiring thyroid medicine, a teenage cat requiring heart medicine (twice daiily for both), and George, my 14 month old puppy.

He got on a plane with three of his friends to cycle 800 miles from Queenstown to Nelson on New Zealand’s South Island. Right now he’s over 7000 miles from home and I couldn’t be happier.

For the first time since my early twenties, I am content being alone (with our furry moochers of course). I would argue that even in my early twenties, I wasn’t this comfortable being alone.

As an identical twin who had a womb-mate from the very beginning, being alone has always been lonely. Add to that a major fear of abandonment and even as recently as last year when Zeke and his buddies cycled from Nashville, to New Orleans, I was not a happy camper.

But something clicked this time. The work I’ve been doing on myself, the boundaries I’ve been setting, and George, have all made it so that I’m not just surviving (although a review of my food consumption would tell you otherwise), I am thriving.

I’ve been setting my own schedule. I’ve been out with friends. I’ve gotten up when I I’ve been good and ready. Same with going to bed. I’ve stayed up late writing, catching up on blot posts covering my Europe trip with Finn last year (you can check them out on my Medium blog). I have been really productive too.

Granted, I have cell phone elbow and have been on the injured list since Tuesday so that also may be why I’ve been so productive. Six USTA teams is a bit much and has definitely compressed my schedule!

For many people, putting one’s self first is not a novel concept. But for me, no matter how intentional I try to be, I have felt compelled to work my life and my schedule around the needs of others. Right now, I am owning my time and it’s so liberating.

I am making choices about how I spend my time. Novel concept, I know.

Granted, I’ve been eating for crap unless I’ve been with others.

Last night, my son Adam and his girlfriend Jillian Facetimed to show me the beautiful meal they had made (it’s a thing we do with each other) and I practically drooled. My dinners have mostly been champagne and microwave popcorn. Last night it was an artichoke (I actually went to the grocery store on Thursday and steamed two artichokes) and Conversation Hearts. Before Zeke left, he thoughtfully printed cute pictures of us, added notes to the back, and hid them around the house with boxes of Conversation Hearts. He should have hid brocolli for me.

My alone time was supposed to end today with the arrival of my friend Pam who will be staying with me through Sunday (Zeke gets back on Monday). Unfortunately, most likely due to weather, Pam’s flight from Seattle to San Jose was canceled this morning. Her new flight has her arriving tomorrow night and while I am very much looking forward to spending time with her, I’m also enjoying the additional 36 hours on my own.

It’s so strange to stay at the dog park until I’m ready to leave, rather than feeling the strong pull of home where I often feel obliged to be when Zeke is home so we can have dinner by a certain time.

Friday night I went over to my friend Margret’s for wine and her 14 year old son made pasta for us for dinner. At 10:15, I saw Margret begin to droop (it had been a long week), and I took my leave. George was asleep in his crate. I wasn’t worried about getting home and waking up Zeke. I left when it was time to leave and not because I felt I had to be home for something. It was a great night. Wednesday night was similar when my friend Alicia had me over for a lovely vegetarian meal.

So the big question is, have I really changed or is this temporary? We’ll find out in a week when Zeke gets home. My hope is that something fundamental has shifted inside of me and I can fully embrace being alone and claiming my time.

Not only does this feel good, but it has made it easier to roll with the punches.

Friday morning I looked out back and noticed our string lights were hanging a little low and then saw that part of our Madrone tree had fallen onto the back fence. After getting our gardener’s number from our neighbor, I arranged for him to come out with his son and few hours later, the green bin was full and the problem was solved.

Also during the week, I was also able to face head on a few professional issues without the stress I’ve typically felt in the past. I wasn’t annoyed by situations that would typically annoy me. Maybe Zeke left more than Conversation Hearts around the house and added a little Xanax to the water.

Regardless, I’m looking forward to testing this newfound sense of freedom this week when Pam is here, and next week when Zeke gets back.

May you find peace, acceptance, and love today as you navigate being human.

With much love and gratitude,

Terri

This week’s song: there’s no song this week. Instead, it’s a movie. Eat Pray Love. I tried reading the book and watching the movie years ago and couldn’t finish either one. I was searching Netflix for Under the Tuscan Sun and this popped up as a recommendation. Without anything else to watch as I was doing some mind-numbing administrative work in my office, I decided to try it again, it landed, and it seemed to be spot on for this week’s PYL In-Flight theme of finding and choosing one’s self.

Journal prompt / reflection: What would I do if I had no one else but myself to be accountable to?

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