Piloting Your Life: In-Flight Entertainment (Crumbling Walls) (June 30, 2020)
Welcome Back My Basket Case Passengers:
I feel like our family is at a breaking point and I am at a complete loss as to what to do.
We’ve been diligently sheltering in place with for nearly 110 days with some expansion in our social circles. This is not good for our health and it’s showing.
We wear masks in public when we do go out. Despite more places, services etc. opening up in the San Francisco Bay Area, we aren’t changing our behaviors much. We are still fairly conservative in how we are dealing with COVID-19. Unlike others in our country, and even in our state, we take this pandemic incredibly seriously.
Adam, our 19 year old, is just passing the time until he goes back to San Diego to do his sophomore year of college online. He can’t be here, for his sanity, and ours. He needs to be with his friends. He needs to be on his own. We have agreed that the health risk is worth it. To NOT go back would be far too damaging to his mental health and his future. He’s having an existential crisis and it’s not pretty.
Rei does their own thing with as little engagement with us as possible. Rei will venture out with my husband Zeke but refuses to do anything with me. Rei is nearly 16.Typical behavior for this age but I really thought we had worked through it when Adam left for college last August. I feel like we’ve regressed.
I am trying to hold the family together and it’s not going well. I talked to my mom this weekend (thank goodness for FaceTime) and she’s worried about me and the kids. I told her I am fine, which I am for the most part; I just feel powerless and impotent to adequately support my kids. Zeke struggles with empathy and seeing the pieces and the big picture so we are often at odds. This doesn’t help.
A few weeks ago (maybe longer…time is such a strange construct right now) I shared in my YouTube video about being an over-functioner (Brene Brown mentioned this in one of her podcast episodes). Some of us, when under stress, create to do lists, take action, and basically over-function to establish control when things are out of control. This is me to a tee.
How does one create the right balance in providing support and guidance to our children, especially during COVID-19 when nothing is normal anymore? In our household, the smallest things blow up into major drama at the slightest provocation.
I am definitely questioning the quality of my parenting right now. Where did we go wrong? Is this even the right question to be asking right now? Probably not. I ask it to find some answers, or clues, as to how to deal with the emotional rollercoaster on which we are careening down and around. It’s dizzying.
I am not at a breaking point but I feel like my family is. The cracks are clearly visible and I am terrified of what comes next.
YouTube: Houston, We Have a Problem
Oh Lordy it’s been a week. I love rollercoasters but that’s because I am belted in and eventually I know I will get off. We are really struggling as a family right now which I talk about in today’s video. There’s a lot going on in the world right now and it’s really hard to keep it together. Are we alone in this?
YouTube: Covid-19 Silver Linings (Friend Time)
I am usually a glass-half-full / silver linings kinds of gal, always looking to learn from a situation so as to make it better next time or avoid repeating something dastardly. While our country (the US) seems to be falling apart, one good thing came from sheltering in place during the COVID-19 pandemic…time with friends. I’ve had reconnected with people when we wouldn’t otherwise make or have the time. More in Saturday’s video.
What’s my challenge for you today? Be kind and gentle with yourself if you are feeling the strain of all that is going on in the world. Get outside for some time in nature if you can. Don’t keep the thoughts bottled up inside your head; share them with a friend. You are not alone.
With much love and gratitude,
Terri
P.S. Take the controls and be the pilot in your own life. It’s a beautiful day to fly, and you are cleared for takeoff.
Song: Basket Case by Green Day
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