Press Pause and Reset: PYL In-Flight: Apr 16, 2025
Welcome Back My Attentive Passengers:
Yesterday I hit a wall. My knee hurt (tennis injury), I was struggling with my French, our excursion into the Chartrons neighborhood of Bordeaux was meh, and I was generally frustrated. The kitchen at our place in Bordeaux is not only not well-equipped, but there are no temperature settings on the oven making it impossible to determine what setting to use to bake. Making a quiche on Monday night was an ordeal that left us with a moderately edible meal. We made a YouTube short of the experience that has proven to be somewhat popular.
But back to the wall.
Yesterday morning, as part of an experiment, Zeke planned our Chartons outing and found a few places for us to check out including the oldest boulangerie in Bordeaux (from the late 18th century), a food market/hall, and an old church to sweeten the deal. I suggested that we attempt a shorter YouTube video on the excursion and he opted to take the GoPro instead of using our iPhones. The entire morning, something was off and it wasn’t the cooler weather with occasional rain.
I spoke in French when I could but had a miserable time, especially at the post office when we were trying to get stamps for the postcards we send to our Zeke and Terri Adventures Postcards from the Road subscribers. I gave up and spoke in English. Had to do the same when we went to the kitchen store in Centre Ville to pick up a knife, measuring cups/spoons, a quiche/pie dish, and a bench scraper. My vocabulary and listening ears were not up to the challenge at either place. I was very frustrated.
When we got back to the flat, I attempted to cancel my reservation for yoga but was going to get charged anyway so I said screw it and went with Zeke to join Sophie’s class at Yoga Pop just a few blocks from the flat. My knee was swollen and did not cooperate through most of the Vinyasa flow class as Sophie instructed us and the other 10 people in French. I gave up trying to understand what she was saying, and at times, gave up on trying to do all the poses.
I was near tears during Savasana, actually fought them, and completely missed when Sophie suggested we express gratitude towards ourselves as we closed out the practice. Or maybe I just ignored her. Regardless, she called me out on it when we were talking to her after the class. I told her that the day had been très difficile pour moi and she congratulated me for showing up on the mat. I told her I tried to cancel but since I’d already paid for it, I decided to come and do what I could. She then asked if I’d expressed gratitude to myself as she’d directed at the end at which point I said no.
As we walked back to the flat for lunch, I thought more about that and silently gave myself credit for showing up when I didn’t want to. As I ate the leftover quiche, scraping off the burned bottom, I told Zeke that I was done with the day. I went upstairs to lay down and edit a video thereby resting my knee and gave up on the afternoon by taking a nap. At some point Zeke joined me, but I barely acknowledged him before turning over and going back to sleep.
I knew I needed a reset and that things would be better, and easier, after checking out from the day.
When I woke up, I finished the video and posted it to YouTube. I got up, brushed my hair and touched up my makeup, put on a dress and my jewelry, and we went out to enjoy life in France by sitting at a cafe with a glass of wine. We discussed our plans for dinner and celebrated our son Adam’s acceptance into a second grad school program for the fall.
We then walked back down our main street, Rue Fondaudège, stopping at the fromagerie, produce market, patisserie, and boucherie (butcher). We are now on a first name basis with Mariel at Mimi Crèmerie and Hortense at Au Temps Des Fruits. We will introduce ourselves at Maison Perrin when we get our next pastries or baguette (tradition, s’il vous plait) and an animal protein at Boucherie Collado where we got our dinner last night (some cut of beef we sauteed plus prepared sides of couscous and a tomato/cucumber/goat cheese salad). The guys in there were hilarious and they now understand when I ask them to parlez lentement, s’il vous plaît (speak slowly).
We stopped at the local pharmacie and got an anti-inflammatory cream for my knee and Zeke’s back (the joys of being 55!) which appeaers to be working for my knee. For those of you with chronic pain, I do not know how you do it…it’s exhausting. And annoying as it is slowing me down, but then, wasn’t that the message I got from Nicaragua?
What we are doing isn’t easy. We are living, working, and exploring in a foreign city where we don’t fluently speak the language. We are navigating an ill-equipped home in a place where we do not have friends or community (yet). We continue to do the work to build a business around Zeke and Terri Adventures and expand Terri Hanson Mead / Piloting Your Life and so much of what we are doing is new. Much if it is not yet successful. We are managing our life administratively and supporting our kids from a distance. And I miss my dog, George.
It may look glamorous, but it’s still life and a lot of work. More things are going well than wrong. We are grateful for all of our opportunities but sometimes it just hard and what’s needed is to acknowledge that enough is enough and take a pause to do a soft reset. It’s not actually failure and it’s not actually giving up completely; it’s recognizing what is necessary and giving into the moment.
So much of what I’ve built has been based on dogged perseverance, an unwillingness to give up because I didn’t think I had the option (and patriarchal expectations).
Before menopause, when I had more energy and could juggle more things, that worked. But now, it’s just not possible in the same way. I don’t have as much energy; my little Energizer bunny batteries aren’t as energized. (Oh boy, that’s a whole other thing to unpack!)
Someone gave me a book about a decade ago called What Got You Here Won’t Keep You Here (or something to that effect) and I tried to read it, but I refused to believe the title and subsequently couldn’t buy into the theory. I might actually be ready for it now (kind of like when some women read my book too early or when they aren’t ready for it…it’s hard to be open to something when we are in denial). My Co-Star today is oddly appropriate and relevant: your behavior should change to meet your goals, not the other way around.
How did I feel after my reset? Much better. I went back to speaking French when I could and switched into English at the pharmacie and the fromagerie because I wanted to clearly communicate in a way that my French doesn’t yet support. And yes, dealings at the fromagerie were just as important as those at the pharmacie. :) Most importantly I was not as frustrated and disappointed in myself.
I gave myself grace, which I was able to give myself after checking out and getting some rest.
May you find peace, acceptance, and love today as you navigate being human.
With much love and gratitude,
Terri
This week’s song: Let Go by Imogen Heap. I hadn’t heard of this song or artist before but when I did a search on letting go, resetting, and giving grace, this song and musician came up. The line, ‘there’s beauty in the breakdown’ really resonated this week. Enjoy!
Journal Prompt: When you hit the wall, what is your way of resetting? Are there clues that you are getting close to the wall? How can you give yourself the space to reset?
terrihansonmead.com
Piloting Your Life (the book)
Terri Mead YouTube Channel
Instagram: terrihansonmead
