Seeking Common Ground: PYL In-Flight: Jan 16 2022
Welcome Back My Common Ground Seeking Passengers:
We are a few short weeks away from the one-year anniversary of the death of my marriage.
On Sunday, January 30, 2021, Zeke and I came to the same conclusion, at the same time.
He’d just gotten back from a trip to Tahoe with Finn. I was taking a bath after a tennis match. He came into the bathroom, sat down, and courageously said what we both knew: this isn’t working. And I agreed. While we’d danced around the issue for years (since at least 2013), we were finally at the same place at the same time.
Our marriage was over.
That night, at dinner, we told the kids that while we loved each other, we couldn’t be married to each other. We were reminded that we hadn’t raised complete idiots because they weren’t at all surprised.
After a week of hell, we accidentally sparked (with sex of all things) what would become a complete relationship reboot.
This weekend we find ourselves away on our first date weekend of 2022 and are disgustingly happy with our relationship and each other. And no, it’s not the wine in Sonoma County. (Picture: Florence Ave in Sebastopol-recycled junk art…a must see!)
Sometime this week we will be recording a video for YouTube about how we are navigating our differences in desires and expectations, more specifically, around our date weekends. I would argue that it’s the perfect example of how we are navigating our differences in general.
And boy are we different! Spoiler alert: communication is key. So is paying attention.
Last week I had dinner with two of my flight instructors. Over the many years we have known each other, we’ve spoken openly about our respective relationships including the challenges. I’m not sure I will forget the look on Paul’s face as he responded to our story from the last year. He found it fascinating and suggested that my next book be about how we (so far) successfully rebooted our relationship. He liked that it was possible.
I am so grateful for where Zeke and I are with our relationship, and it’s not something either of us take for granted. Every day we commit to each other and commit to doing the work to making it fulfilling and satisfying for ourselves and for each other.
And I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will always take second place behind his love for coffee. I am ok with this. :)
Today I went on a two-hour, 4-mile hike with Zeke, something that he loves to do. #secretsantarosa
Right now we are in a restaurant with Wi-Fi enjoying a snack and a beer (for me) so I can do some writing. Zeke is having decaf coffee.
I have my airpods in because there’s yacht rock playing (yeah for Zeke; boo for me!). I’m listening to The 1975 radio on Pandora.
Zeke is researching our next date weekend, looking for ways to combine what I love and need with what he loves and needs. I think the next trip will involve e-bikes and multiple modes of transportation and a cool place to stay near places we can explore on the e-bikes.
And we will throw the yoga mats and pickleball paddles in the car because we have found common ground on the mat and the court.
And with that, it’s time to wrap up and head back to the Flamingo Resort in Santa Rosa to clean up before dinner at Barndiva in Healdsburg. We both love mid-century modern and love the idea of staying at retro hotels/motels.
We might actually find that we have a lot more in common than the therapist we worked with a decade ago who was surprised we were together at all.
She’s no longer a therapist.
We are still together.
With much love and gratitude,
P.S. Take the controls and be the pilot in your own life. It’s a beautiful day to fly, and you are cleared for takeoff.
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