Stop Being So Judgmental: PYL In-Flight: June 5, 2024
Welcome Back My Socially Influenced Passengers:
We’ve been back from Italy and France for two weeks and I’m still recovering from the cold I got the day after we returned. It’s annoying and I’m ready to be back to my normal, energetic self. I suppose I deserved it given how hard we pushed ourselves on the trip. Balancing video / content creation and enjoying travel is a lot harder than one would expect.
Many of our days started at 6 AM and went until midnight as we strived to release daily videos until we reached Verona and had a hardware failure and shifted to releasing every 2–3 days. My husband Zeke has “requested” a less demanding schedule for our next trips, which we talk about in the recap video to be released this Friday. (Zeke and Terri Adventures)
We learned a lot from the experience and know that we got better as we progressed through the trip. When we reflect on the trip in 3–5 years, both of us are going to remember this trip as the one where we learned how to produce travel videos.
I will also remember it for trip that got me comfortable seeing my whole body on screen.
The body that I have right now is not the one I want nor is it the one I had even three years ago. I’m strong. I have great stamina on the tennis court and walking around Europe. And I am round.
I’ve spoken about it before in that the menopause transition has not been kind to me. This too is frustrating. (If you recall, late last year, I initiated a research project on women, aging, social expectations, and the patriarchy to get a better handle on the mindset around women and aging. I interviewed 35 women from multiple countries and plan to interview more as I work on my next book, Piloting Your Life: The Next Adventure.)
I had to buy new clothes for the trip because I knew I would be on screen and my limited wardrobe of sweatshirts and yoga pants wasn’t going to cut it. So, I braved the dressing rooms of a few stores (Nordstrom, Rehreh’s in Redwood City, and Anthropologie) and then, as I was getting the last few toiletry items from Target, perused the women’s department and found two dresses for under $30 each that have become my summer favorites.
If I didn’t feel good about the shape of my body, I wanted to be dressed in something cute and I am confident that I succeeded.
I was talking to a friend who said that she feels great, loves her life, but avoids mirrors and hates seeing pictures of her full self. I can totally relate. I’m strong. I’m healthy. I can play tennis for hours and walk for miles while in Europe (including many, many stairs). I’m creative. I’m enjoying life. I love my relationship with my husband Zeke more than ever and yet, seeing myself in a full-length mirror or on screen requires that I not judge myself harshly for what I see. I have to talk myself off the ledge every time.
It doesn’t help that for the years I was most impressionable, and most likely for many of you, the ‘ideal’ revolved around thinness distorting and narrowing our definition of beauty, and thus our perceived value as women in a patriarchal society.
Here’s the crazy thing. The friend who hates to see herself in a mirror or pictures, I only see an amazing woman. She’s smart, kind, charismatic, a leader, a loving mom, a good friend, and a really great human. Does she look different now than when we first met over 10 years ago? Probably but I don’t and can’t really see the changes. I focus on all of her, which is so much more than the shape of her body.
We don’t judge others as harshly as we judge ourselves. Often, others don’t see what we so negatively focus on.
So why saddle ourselves with these ridiculous expectations? What happens if we let it go and just enjoy all that life has to offer while we can?
I focused on practicing all of this while in Italy and France for nearly 3 weeks and you know what? It was a lot of fun as you can see from all of the pictures from the trip of me and Zeke. I felt cute. I was comfortable. I ate the food. I drank the wine. I soaked it all in.
And we had a job to do. We captured videos and images which we then turned into 16 videos covering Rome, Umbria, Verona, Venice, Bergamo, Bordeaux, Saint-Emilion, and Paris. I sent out 15 ‘postcards from the road’ and countless physical postcards to our friends, family, and followers (subscribe to our newsletter on our website to get one from our next trip). We drove over 800 miles in Italy and walked untold steps as we gathered content for our videos, newsletters, and social media.
We may not have found work / travel balance, but I am getting closer to finding the sweet spot of loving and caring for myself without so much judgment. As usual, it’s a work in progress.
May you find peace, acceptance, and love today as you navigate being human.
With much love and gratitude,
Terri
This week’s song: Love to Hate You by Erasure
Journal prompt / reflection: Am I unkind to myself? How can I be kinder to myself?
What I’m Watching: I had a night to myself last night and needed something stupid to watch so I binged about 5 episodes of Geek Girl on Netflix. It’s definitely YA and totally dumb and I wanted to throttle the stepmom and the popular girl, but otherwise it was exactly what my brain needed.
