We’ve Only Just Begun: PYL In-Flight: Nov 27, 2022
Welcome Back My Beginner Passengers:
In my forties, I asked the question: is this all there is? As I looked back at all of the endings and the things that would never be again, I couldn’t reverse my focus to look forward to what was ahead of me.
— My kids needed me less (or differently) and we were no longer going to be guided by their life milestones.
— My marriage was in shambles and I was uncertain whether it was going to survive once the kids left the house.
— I’d been consulting for a long time and was getting bored with the work.
— I’d had my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first baby etc. and wasn’t sure what other firsts were going to exist in my life.
So this past week, with the kids at home for the Thanksgiving break, actually with Finn’s departure this morning, I was reminded that there’s still a lot of life left to experience and explore. Actually, there’s a lot to navigate.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise to me since this is something I covered in Piloting Your Life (the book). We have the opportunity to create all sorts of firsts in our lives regardless of our age and abilities.
This week, the challenge was around the continued transition for the kids and how we support them AND live our own lives.
Last week I talked about how we are expected to set asside our preferences and desires to accommodate our children to make it easier for them to visit and spend time with us. While the first few days with Finn at home were a bit rough, eventually we smoothed things out and enjoyed our time together.
It was just as much a transition for Finn returning to the nest after experiencing independence at UVM.
I am sure Finn was nervous about how we would treat them, what it would be like to see their friends again, and fear of reliving being 16 again. Once Finn got together with friends (they all came home a few days after Finn did) and after Finn realized we weren’t going to be overbearing, it got easier for all of us.
Adam is getting close to graduating and is terrified of what’s next.
He hasn’t been able to focus on his heavy class load and grad school applications and has decided to take some time off between undergrad and grad school to better prepare for his next level of education.
I think he was afraid of how we would react to this and over the four days he was here, we were able to convince him that we are here to support him in his choices. We want him to be happy and healthy and if this is what he needs and wants, we are 100% behind him.
This is all happening as Zeke and I work on what’s next for ourselves.
While Zeke is semi-retired after leaving the SSF police force when the kids were younger, he still wants to be doing something of value and contributing to our household income. He’s experimenting with helping some of our portfolio companies (startups) and possibly substitute teaching which ties into our desire to give back to our community.
I’ve had a cold going on three weeks now (not Covid) and have limited energy to focus on my diverse set of activities. I’m working on reinventing (retooling?) my consulting work so that I can enjoy it more. This may be a shift to working more with software companies and less with life sciences companies but is there really a market for my services there? I don’t know but I am giving it a try.
And of course there’s the podcast, the book, YouTube, TikTok, my startup investing, my women’s advocacy work, and my writing that continue to challenge me and offer up new opportunities every day. There’s something new all the time if I look at it right.
To embrace the new beginnings, we also much acknowledge the endings. Things will never be as they were and in some ways, that’s for the best.
In January 2021, Zeke and I were on the path to divorce. And then we accidentally rebooted our relationship and are truly enjoying time with each other like no other time together.
The kids are no longer at home and therefore Zeke can focus on what he wants to do and not work around the kids’ schedules. He’s had no trouble saying goodbye to that time in our lives!
As for me, well, I am allowing myself to feel the feelings of loss (and not suppress them) so that I can be more emotionally open to the goodness I am now looking to as I look ahead at what it is to come.
It’s only the beginning of the next part of our lives. Just as it’s just the beginning for our kids as Finn completes their first semester of college and Adam prepares to finish his last.
Fortunately there’s Good Boy George to soften some of the more intense moments.
His joy, his snuggles, and his curiosity keep it all fresh, light and new making it all bearable. Felix (the cat) may not be feeling it but Zeke and I definitely are. Don’t believe Zeke when he says otherwise about George!
May you find peace, acceptance, and love today as you navigate being human.
With much love and gratitude,
Terri
This week’s song: We’ve Only Just Begun by the Carpenters
Why this song this week? Just when I think I’ve got a handle on something, like having the kids away at college and returning and then leaving again, I am reminded that we are in the beginning of this transition and we have a lot of change ahead of us. So really, we’ve only just begun.
Journal prompt / reflection: Where are you in transition in your life? How are you approaching it? With a beginner’s mindset?
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